Is he being kind or deceitful?

LEJC

I think you just have to be direct and ask

Who is Alice
What did she mean to you
What does she mean to you now
Why wont you tell Alice about you

Only once youve got proper answers to those questions can you then make a judgement over how to move the relationship forward with him that you have

Is it possible that she is whe wife of one of his siblings?
What do you know about his family...I appreciate he says he's single but have you been to family gatherings with him and met anyoe else who may be able to shed some light on Alice and what part she's played in his life

Again after 3 years I would have expected you to meet some of his family.

busiscoming2

I don't possibly see how you can plan/contemplate your future with things as they are.
If Alice isn't his wife, then she is either extremely needy or has him just where she wants him. A couple of hundred a month is a nice little bonus. How does he know she isn't living the life of riley or with a new partner which he is helping to fund?

It isn't normal, he is lying to you, her and himself about this situation.

Could she be blackmailing him, hence the monthly money?

Lucy_Lastic

OP - you said you spend some weekends together, but did not say where. Do you spend weekends at his house?

Errata

However he also volunteered to tellme that he sends her a few hundred pounds every month as she is ill and cantwork much and he feels sorry for her

What!!!!! Is his name Walter Mitty by any chance?

hazyjo

Do you ever ring him at home on his landline?

Have you stayed at his house on several occasions?

He's married. Bet your life on it.

Jx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

It'll be his wife. Or another one JUST LIKE YOU. There could be several of them, in fact.

You're being played, just as she is.

Scrapaholic

You've been together for 3 years but you still haven't discussed your feelings about Alice , or maybe you have but the situation hasn't changed . After all that time together you still don't really know the full story , I think I'd be uneasy . Sending all that money to someone he hasn't seen for years , why ? He must have lots of spare cash . Can you not arrange to meet and say you'd like to talk about it . If he thinks anything of you and your relationship he'll give you honest answers . If not then it's up to you to decide if you can just continue as you are or that you'd be better off without him .

bagpussbear

Another here that thinks he has a child with this woman, and that's what the money is for.

Or, she has something over on him I reckon.

Three years is quite some time, and you would expect a relationship to have progressed quite a bit more than yours has, generally speaking. So something feels fishy to me.

I think you need to ask more questions, and do some digging of your own to be honest.

If you take it at face value and he is giving her the money out of kindness, then the guy is a complete walkover. Do you want to be with someone long term like that?

HPoirot

No 'friend' or 'friendly ex' would be sending a few hundred of pounds every month just because she is poorly / depressive. I bet he has met her / been with her far more recently than 5 years ago too. She is too busy to meet up yet calls him for longish conversations, just tells you his story doesn't add up at all. He probably told you a story about 'Alice' just to pre-empt you finding out about his other woman OP. I would run.

Emoticon

Me again...yes I spend a lot of time at his house with him. I have a key and have never been made to feel less than very very welcome.!

I'm 99% certain he isnt married and 99% certain there isnt a child. I was married when we met and its never been an off-limits sort of conversation, if you know what I mean.

As far as being a "walkover" is concerned.....yes, he may be.....but there again I am a strong independant woman who doesnt look for a macho-man....in fact his caring personality is one of the things that I find attractive.

I have personal belongings at his house and have always though it was "lacking a womans touch" if you know what I mean....it has all the hallmarks of a genuine single man's home.

I am not a niaeve person nor am I a complete cynic........I really do believe he feels "responsible" for Alice. I just dont think its a very rational or normal stuation and that is what is making me feel uneasy.

And yes, I do think that the 3 wonderful years we have had together should mean that it is time he came clean with her.

Just for the record, his family dont know about me and still think he is single and a bit of a loner who still is in a distant if remote relationship with Alice!!
(This stemmed from when I was still married and we didnt know how close our relationship would become)
Fook! What a mess eh?