Is he being kind or deceitful?

Emoticon

LEJC wrote: »

Well sylvia day and EL James have a lot to answer for!

this guy is not going to have any kind of loving and normal relationship with you until such time as the sub and dom thing is ended. Odd assertion? Why would that be? That would be like suggesting that a marriage will only be successful when sex is eliminated!

I read this thread yesterday and it came across originally as someone genuinely wanting advice...but the posts ahave become more erratic and sorry quite frankly trollesque.
I am aware that I have risen to trolls bait...but I asked for opinions genuinely

even the phrases that the op uses dont seem to fit to the original generic image of a 50 something female described in the opening post
Thats an interesting theory - wrong, but interesting
New user...ummm
Not a new user but a new username for "separation of Pure money vs Personal" posts
Sorry im bowing out.

My response in red
No problem, thanks for your interesting contribution

lostinrates

Emoticon wrote: »

Having been practising BDSM for over 30 years I do think I have had a chance to discover the full range of Pro Domme services...one only has to go onto a few of their websites to find out all the kinks they cater for. I didnt say I indulged in them all, just that I know about them (what they are).

I also didnt say anything about assuming I am the only kinkster on here. Its irrelevant when I was merely explaining aspects of my situation to the posters/readers that arent kinksters.

This was a thread about relationship advice not about who is the greatest Domme in the land!

Just to be clear, I am not a Domme, and was not meaning to imply I was! My apologies if you thought I was competing! (Edit....on reflection I refer you back to my post on post number 188. I feel very strongly that sex and competition have no place together.....kinkier isn't 'cooler' and more deviant doesn't necessarily lead to better climax. In fact I'd say very much that in my experience, which while not inextensive certainly doesn't span thirty years, lovers who were competitive or felt their kink or prowess was better tended to make less communicative, less open, and less rewarding lovers. Sex is what it is, and if its right for the parties doing it, its right. But the very experienced pros I know (and some are even more experienced than thirty years!, have admitted things still surprise them sometimes. And hallelujah for that I say. .

That you hadn't considered other ways in which he might cheat, (physically or otherwise rather confirms that you hadn't considered the situation through. Whether that's from gaps of knowledge or simply not seeing woods for trees or something else you feel unable to share here who knows.

Emoticon

DigForVictory wrote: »

Snipped....

You're keeping a distance, but bend your principles to find which bank account is paying the Alice account. Then call HMRC, cheerfully admit to vengeance & hand on the bank details.

Think of it as a remakably damage free settlement in full for three years of fun, and walk away. What you do with various keys is your prerogative.

Well thats a bit drastic!! I would consider that abusive at best and probably bordering on the illegal.
No, I am no bunny boiler!
I have been consistently saying throughout this thread that I wouldnt want anything that he did not give me completely consensually. I would much rather walk away.

Emoticon

TeamLowe wrote: »

As far as I understand it, the use of a chasitity belt has no real significance vis a vis commitment in the BDSM world, if your sub is committed to you as their Dom then the equivalent to marriage is a 'collaring' ceremony, where the sub is presented with a collar to wear. In fact I've seen it discussed on other parts of the internet couples have that as part of a private ceremony with those in the know after their public wedding.

I'm not saying the OP is wrong and if the chastity belt is her 'wedding ring' equivalent then it is. but it seems like the Scene isn't something she's very familiar with which makes me wonder if this is her first BDSM relationship and if that's the issue - this man's convinced her she has all the power when in actual fact, there's very little of the 'power' she wants as it's Alice who has the emotional and financial commitment.

After all, there's much more appropriate boards to discuss the complexities of a loving D/s relationship and it seems almost like the OP wants to show off about this kink rather than a matter of fact 'this is who we are' as it doesn't bear much weight on the Alice issue unless she's another Dom

I'd be interested to know if the OP has sat down and discussed the status of their relationship seperate from the D/s aspect. I have a sinking feeling that's confusing her perception of a friends with benefits deal

I dont engage in public BDSM which is what "the Scene" generally refers to. As I said elsewhere I am in my 50's and been kinky all of them since it was legal for me!
I dont go to sploshes munches clubs fetish fairs or events anymore....the internet and having plenty of subs, quite frankly,has removed the necessity.

I'll never be able to convince people that a male is keener to get "hitched" than the female....that almost seems sexist to me. But it wont matter really because if I cannot feel more comfortable about Alice, then I'm walking away.

*max*

Emoticon wrote: »

Oh BDSM is in the 21st century, male chastity devices are mostly polycarbonate - meaning they could be smashed in an emergency....but then he'd find it difficult to explain where it was the next time we met!

Oh goodie...now I have a mental image of a bespectacled Mr Bean guy wearing only a chastity belt, standing in the bedroom shaking in his white socks, while this girl comes in brandishing a hammer and goes "Oh sorry honey, lost the key!". :rotfl:

suejb2

Thank Crunchy for Google.I have never "Googled" so many words in one afternoon before.Note to self though....clear the browsing history.

Emoticon

lostinrates wrote: »

Just to be clear, I am not a Domme, and was not meaning...snip....

That you hadn't considered other ways in which he might cheat, (physically or otherwise rather confirms that you hadn't considered the situation through. Whether that's from gaps of knowledge or simply not seeing woods for trees or something else you feel unable to share here who knows.

I dont know why you assume that I hadnt considered other ways he might cheat?

Bizarre

poet123

Emoticon wrote: »

I dont know why you assume that I hadnt considered other ways he might cheat?

Bizarre

Presumably because you were so adamant that he couldn't/wouldn't and cited the chastity belt as your reason for believing that.

Emoticon

FBaby wrote: »

Surely it's not that hard to wait until you are asleep, finding the key, going to go and get a double and put it back...and then take it on and off as pleasing coming back to you with a pretend desperate need for you to release him?

I just know I am going to regret revealing this but here we go..................one padlock 2 keys both on a chain round my neck.

Lol, so now ppl will be on the look-out for ppl with little keys on their necklaces:D

lostinrates

Emoticon wrote: »

I dont know why you assume that I hadnt considered other ways he might cheat?

Bizarre

Poet has it.... here is one example.

Emoticon wrote: »

NO not at all....in fact....well its dificult to go into too much detail on here but we share a sexual kink which means his faithfulness is NOT UNDER ANY DOUBT!!