Parents want to do a "House Swap".

Person_one

AlexLK wrote: »

Mrs. K. frankly doesn't have the first clue as to the benefits of this swap and sees our house as "really nice". I'm not still tied to my parents and am sorting my finances out myself.

Any chance Mrs K fancies signing up to this site and posting?

I'd absolutely love to hear her take on all this.

tea_lover

AlexLK wrote: »

Don't know how many times I have to say this on MSE: we are NOT having another child.

By your own admission, things aren't brilliant in your marriage. You could end up married to someone else who does want (more) children. Anyway, accidents can happen!

It's also a lot of responsibility for your son. What if he'd rather not live there? Will he be guilt-tripped into giving up his own life and putting his parents ahead of his partner?

From previous posts, it seems like the only way you'd get a mortgage would be in your wife's name only, and as she doesn't want to move it doesn't look likely she'd agree to that anyway.

Gigglepig

AlexLK wrote: »

parents wouldn't be bothered about paying moving costs and would help with upkeep of the house as ultimately they wish it to be passed to my son and to his future first child. .

So if you or your son have more than one child, the first borne gets a 1 million pound house and the others will be left with nothing?

Unless you and your wife are absolutely sure (if there is such a thing) there won't be any more children I'm not surprised she is unimpressed.


eta - sorry cross posted with OP. But you cannot possibly know if/how many grandchildren you will have, perhaps OP's wife would prefer to treat them the same rather than giving the first born the full family fortune in form of a house?

hunters

I do hope your parents are also prepared to fund all the added expenses of private schooling such as trips, uniform, music lessons etc and that your son doesn't feel awkward when it comes to parties that his parents have a big house but no money to entertain his friends in it.

If I were your wife, I'd go for it, then divorce you and hit you for everything you don't own. Thats what "scummie" people do isn't it

sazzybum

I know this is a bit OT- but the saying constantly going through my head, reading this thread is

''All fur coat and no knickers''

Wants the appearance of eing well off, but no substance underneath.

I feel so sorry for your wife.

HapPea

So you won't take £33K from your parents to clear your current debts and give you and your wife a fresh start. But you will take £50k+ for moving costs to give you and your wife a millstone rounds your necks (in addition to managing your current debt)?

lostinrates

Alex,

Not sure whether its this thread or the other but you have refered to the house as 'your inheritance' and IMO this is the nugget of the problem here, not just as regards the house but possibly your discontent with your life situation.


The house is NOT your anything. It is your parents' to do what THEY want with.. thinking of it as YOUR inheritance is making your discontent with your lot it seems. Its Your parents to bequest as they wish, and now you reveal, here or elsewhere, its more your wish than theirs in truth (a tremendously brave admission for which I commend you greatly) and you failing to understand you have no right to this is going to make you unhappy if you don't get your head around it. By letting it go straight to son ( or whatever) you might be securing his future, giving him a choice to make...keep, sell, whatever, untethered by guilt or this desire to be something in his father's eyes. Would you want him to be other than who he is? Isn't he wonderful as him?

Alex, please understand, I am not attacking you when I say I have genuine concern for your emotional well being and perspective in the immediacy and longterm I have concern for your relationship with your family. Possibly most importantly your son who might well feel that your 'greed' over this while you were in over your head denied him his 'bite at the apple' (and not just with 'the house').


Please, please, please take a a step back from big financial and emotional decisions (without good advice ...I don't mean i would suggest you stop debt repayments!)

SavingPennies_2

I feel sorry for your wife. If I were in her position I'd feel very undermined and undervalued. I know I don't know the situation but Im basing it on OPs posts.

OP since you have been bad with money and are dissatisfied with your own house then having a private education hasnt served you so well has it.

HPoirot

lostinrates wrote: »

Alex,

Not sure whether its this thread or the other but you have refered to the house as 'your inheritance' and IMO this is the nugget of the problem here, not just as regards the house but possibly your discontent with your life situation.


The house is NOT your anything. It is your parents' to do what THEY want with.. thinking of it as YOUR inheritance is making your discontent with your lot it seems. Its Your parents to bequest as they wish, and now you reveal, here or elsewhere, its more your wish than theirs in truth (a tremendously brave admission for which I commend you greatly) and you failing to understand you have no right to this is going to make you unhappy if you don't get your head around it. By letting it go straight to son ( or whatever) you might be securing his future, giving him a choice to make...keep, sell, whatever, untethered by guilt or this desire to be something in his father's eyes. Would you want him to be other than who he is? Isn't he wonderful as him?

Alex, please understand, I am not attacking you when I say I have genuine concern for your emotional well being and perspective in the immediacy and longterm I have concern for your relationship with your family. Possibly most importantly your son who might well feel that your 'greed' over this while you were in over your head denied him his 'bite at the apple' (and not just with 'the house').


Please, please, please take a a step back from big financial and emotional decisions (without good advice ...I don't mean i would suggest you stop debt repayments!)

It appears to me that the problem here goes far beyond a house swap or debt repayments. From what the OP has revealed, he has been brought up to believe that he should be what his parents say he is and think what they say he does, without nurturing his own drives and ambitions in life.

This might seem harsh OP but I am trying to be helpful, please reflect on this: who are you? What are your ambitions in life? What makes you tick? Quite apart from what your parents have raised you to believe, e.g. not talking to someone who appears to be 'uneducated' (this stuck to my mind from the other thread), what do you generally believe in, what are your values in life? How would you see yourself managing your life if you did not have your parents and their money always in the background? Why is it that your parents' opinions take precedence over anyone else's for you, at the age of 32?

If there is a mould that has been set, isn't it time to break it, especially now that you are a parent yourself and responsible for your own child? How hard will it be for you to do it your own way, take responsibility and stick to it?

About the house swap, what will it gain your family, short term and long term? And I do not include your parents in the term 'your family' as they are not in your nuclear family unit.

Once again I apologise if this seems harsh but I truly believe you need to break from the mould and start to reflect, for yourself, on how to live and raise your family.

FBaby

If I'm truthful, I would like to move to the house and could make it "home". The problem is my wife and also if she ends up divorcing me (we are not exactly happily married at the moment). Anyhow, that is a different matter.

Are you parents aware of the state of your marriage? Because as you've stated, the biggest issue with your parents plan is that it would all fall apart if you were to divorce, ie. she would likely go for half, you would have to sell, your parents would see their pride and joy go to strangers rather than their son and grand son, and that whilst they might still be alive...

I fell to see how your parents would contemplate this...