Parents want to do a "House Swap".

HPoirot

OP, notwithstanding some of the more outspoken ideas brought forward on this thread but based on the excerpts I've read on your other thread, I think that the house swap is a very bad idea.

I cannot help feeling that from your parents' point of view, settling your son into your old school and settling you into their house would satisfy all their social climbing needs by setting precedents. Now I am all for private education where possible, but does it absolutely have to be your old school? As for the house swap, isn't there a whiff of them thinking that you may be a tad hapless and would not have it in you to 'successfully' bring up your family - according to their valuation of success? What better time than to get your act together and prove them wrong, on your own terms? After all, the house will still be here for you one day if something happens to them. The point is, as your parents the should be allowed to help, eg re education if they want to and you do too, but does it have to be on their terms?

Tryingagainandagain

You don't come across as very mature in your attitudes in your posts.

I am not married, but have siblings/friends/aquaintances who are and when they got married their new family group took priority over their old family group. This surely has to be the case if you are to build a family of your own.

I don't mean that you should become estranged or disregard your parents etc, just that you have to nurture your own new family and their needs (generally) must come first.

Obviously there would be times that you have to put your parents first - if they were in poor health etc.

You seem here to be more concerned about the views of strangers than of your wife and child. Your parents, from your posts, appear to be complicit in keeping you as their child rather than allowing you to mature properly.

For example, you may be dreadful with money, but constantly stepping in will not help you develop money skills (I'm poor with money too and learned the hard way after too many years).

If you are to grow up you must grow away from your parents to some extent.

I think I have phrased this clumsily but I hope the meaning is clear.

kettlefish

Quite apart from the emotional issues, I will return the thread to the point that there is no way you will be able to afford the upkeep of the house.

I have looked at your statement of affairs (admittedly a few months ago) and there is NOTHING spare in your current home - in fact you are sinking in debt. My parents have a modern, but quite large, 4 bedroom detached and their council tax, electricity bills, water bills etc are over double what we pay in a 3 bed detached 2 miles down the road. That's without factoring in things like furnishings and carpeting etc for a house so much bigger than ours. I am sure the difference will be magnified hugely in a £1m property. Given that your parents have already "fallen out" with you in the past about your poor money management, I'm sure they'll be pretty peed off if you let the garden grow wild, the kitchen go to pot and the whole house is looking a state within singles of years.

You do not have a particularly high income between the pair of you - if you find yourself unable to work (or your wife has enough of being married to an institution rather than a man and leaves you!) you will be firmly up sh't creek.

Why not just wait and inherit the property in the usual way in a number of years (assuming it hasn't been used for care home fees or holidays for your parents before then)? Ok, so you may have to sell it to pay the inheritance tax bills, but you also may have made a real go of your business, have zero mortgage on your current home, and manage to move in at a time which is right - or at least better! - for your young family.

hollydays

I've read some more of your postings. It reminded me of this. A few years ago I had a friend who was a counsellor . She told me on of the biggest problems she dealt with was people who couldn't emotionally " seperate" from their parents.i have also met a couple of people like this and them seem to hero worship their parents but be quite emotionally hurt by them , without even knowing it . It was at the heart of all their problems. I do think you would benefit from some counselling. It's all part of the journey.very impressed by some of your postings. X

heartbreak_star

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

This sentiment is the reeason that I've never owned a new car. My Gran, offered to buy me a brand new car when I graduated, and my sister persuaded me that she'd hold it over me emotionally forever.

I was a bit gullible, and realised much later that actually my sister had a very poor relationship with our gran, and gran would have done nothing of the sort, and it turned out she was a little confused by me turning down her kind offer.

To the OP.

Oh I know not all situations are the same - maybe I should have mentioned on this post that I read one of Alex's long-standing posts I didn't make myself very clear!

Sorry Prothet!

HBS x

heartbreak_star

AlexLK wrote: »

My wife is somebody who would like to look back and feel she'd "made it" on her own.

The local (state) village school has 45 pupils.

I agree with your wife.

45 is nothing some have 30 per class!

HBS x

CH27

Your wonderfully rich parents & your private education haven't stopped you screwing up financially so why subject your son to the same?

You & your wife need to decide what is best for you & your son.
Yes your parents are an important part of your lives but your wife is supposed to be your EQUAL partner in life. Her views & wishes are EQUAL to yours.

AlexLK

Thank you for all your input. I don't think it is relevant to bring up what my mother calls my wife's family. Frankly, there is "history" between the two set of parents.

So far as affordability goes: parents wouldn't be bothered about paying moving costs and would help with upkeep of the house as ultimately they wish it to be passed to my son and to his future first child. If I could sort my (and wife's) spending out then I think it is doable, although we would have to cut back and wife would certainly not like that. Admittedly, if anything happened between my wife and I, at least until I'd "got back on my feet", my parents would end up paying the essential bills for the house . They know I don't earn very much money.

Mrs. K. frankly doesn't have the first clue as to the benefits of this swap and sees our house as "really nice". I'm not still tied to my parents and am sorting my finances out myself.

tea_lover

What if your son doesn't have/want children? What if you have more than one?

ETA: not still tied to your parents?? Sorting your finances yourself? Re-read your last post.

AlexLK

I've no idea what would happen in that scenario re. son. Don't know how many times I have to say this on MSE: we are NOT having another child.

In the current situation and house I am sorting about the finances myself, thank you.