"There is no point in getting married if you're not having kids"

CC-Warrior

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree with balletshoes. I got married almost 40 years ago (marriage ended after 10 years) but my husband and I had no intention of having children (and didn't).

Nobody said that to me, even all those years ago - and if anyone had said it, they'd have got the rough end of my tongue for being so rude.

Is it your parents who are saying that to you?

Hell no, work colleagues and other folk. They are always 'pro-kids', as in they don't understand how someone wouldn't want them.

Pollycat

CC-Warrior wrote: »

Hell no, work colleagues and other folk. They are always 'pro-kids', as in they don't understand how someone wouldn't want them.

Tell them to FO and mind their own business.

Honestly, it's the most bizarre thing I've ever heard.

fluffnutter

CC-Warrior wrote: »

Why do people say this? It annoys me. It's always parents that say it.

I'm married and a parent. I don't say things like this. Silly people say things like this. Or people who aren't happy in their own marriages. I must say I've not come across many who say that. Do you just know some weird people?

Pollycat

fluffnutter wrote: »

I'm married and a parent. I don't say things like this. Silly people say things like this. Or people who aren't happy in their own marriages. I must say I've not come across many who say that. Do you just know some weird people?

I think exactly the same, fluffnutter.

To 'silly people' and 'unhappily married people' I'd add busybodies who ought to mind their own business.

I think the OP must work/socialise with some very nosy, strange and opinionated people.

seven-day-weekend

I have heard people say this, especially if you have said that you don't want children. To some people marriage is merely a legal framework in which to bring children into the world and in their opinion, if you are not going to have any, there is no point in being married. These are also, imho, the sort of people who, having had children, make them the centre of their life and the legally wedded spouse becomes redundant, even though they may stay married.

However, why they should expect others to have this opinion and act upon it, I have no idea.

CC-Warrior

fluffnutter wrote: »

I'm married and a parent. I don't say things like this. Silly people say things like this. Or people who aren't happy in their own marriages. I must say I've not come across many who say that. Do you just know some weird people?

The last person to say this to me was very much happily married, loved his kids and couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't want children. "You'll change your mind" etc..

A quick search on Google brings up similar discussions, so thankfully it's not just me that gets it!

fluffnutter

CC-Warrior wrote: »

The last person to say this to me was very much happily married, loved his kids and couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't want children. "You'll change your mind" etc..

A quick search on Google brings up similar discussions, so thankfully it's not just me that gets it!

But that's not what your opening post said. I've come across many more people who think that having children is something that everyone should want (not that they're right of course). But I was commenting on your assertion that parents say 'there is no point in getting married if you don't want kids'. Not all parents say this.

Is your issue actually about people thinking you're weird for not wanting kids? That's because very few people regret having kids, even the ones that didn't feel particularly keen initially. They can't imagine life without them and so assume that you'd have a similar conversion.

Obviously it's only parents that are saying that! They're talking from their own perspective of loving their children.

Kids and marriage are two completely different things.

Georgiegirl256

Gloomendoom wrote: »

With respect, like it or not, different cultures have different values...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/ritesrituals/weddings_1.shtml

I respect that, but from a legal point of view they're still not married, and this was the issue in question here.

However, like Dunroamin says, if they are married in a Muslim country then that's different. But in the UK, a civil ceremony is required to make it legal.

Anyhow, we're just going round in circles here....normal service will now commence!

Mojisola

Gloomendoom wrote: »

With respect, like it or not, different cultures have different values...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/ritesrituals/weddings_1.shtml

"Oddly enough, although mosques are obviously places of worship, the majority of them in the UK have not yet been officially registered as such, and so any Islamic wedding that merely takes place at a mosque has to be registered legally with the UK law as well, in order to be seen as valid in the UK."

Isn't that what we're saying - that it's the date when the legal part is performed that is the start of the marriage?

If a couple were married in a mosque or at a hand-fasting, when it came to filling in legal forms, it's the date of the civil ceremony that would have to be given as the date of the marriage. People can "think of themselves as married" but it's the legal ceremony that really counts.

Pollycat

CC-Warrior wrote: »

The last person to say this to me was very much happily married, loved his kids and couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't want children. "You'll change your mind" etc..

So what was your response to this guy?