"There is no point in getting married if you're not having kids"

claire16c

Mojisola wrote: »

"Oddly enough, although mosques are obviously places of worship, the majority of them in the UK have not yet been officially registered as such, and so any Islamic wedding that merely takes place at a mosque has to be registered legally with the UK law as well, in order to be seen as valid in the UK."

Isn't that what we're saying - that it's the date when the legal part is performed that is the start of the marriage?

If a couple were married in a mosque or at a hand-fasting, when it came to filling in legal forms, it's the date of the civil ceremony that would have to be given as the date of the marriage. People can "think of themselves as married" but it's the legal ceremony that really counts.

Exactly. I could stand in my living room & have some kind of 'ceremony' with my partner and pray to a god etc and 'believe' we were married, but it wouldn't mean we actually were!

CC-Warrior

fluffnutter wrote: »

But that's not what your opening post said. I've come across many more people who think that having children is something that everyone should want (not that they're right of course). But I was commenting on your assertion that parents say 'there is no point in getting married if you don't want kids'. Not all parents say this.

Is your issue actually about people thinking you're weird for not wanting kids? That's because very few people regret having kids, even the ones that didn't feel particularly keen initially. They can't imagine life without them and so assume that you'd have a similar conversion.

Obviously it's only parents that are saying that! They're talking from their own perspective of loving their children.

Kids and marriage are two completely different things.

Not all parents are saying that, but the people who are saying it to me, are parents.

People who talk to me like I've something wrong with me for not wanting kids, that's a separate issue.

There's more to marriage than breeding.

CC-Warrior

Pollycat wrote: »

So what was your response to this guy?

I told him that I didn't like children or the idea of having children. I quite like my life as it is - money, freedom, time, social life, all of which goes out of the window when kids come along. I've seen that with my friends, whom I hardly see any more because of their situation. Their social life is dead and they are broke. How is that in any way desirable?

Dunroamin

balletshoes wrote: »

only if that Muslim country doesn't require a civil ceremony as well as the Nikah, to be formally recognised by the law of that country as married.

Thanks for the clarification.

Pollycat

CC-Warrior wrote: »

I told him that I didn't like children or the idea of having children. I quite like my life as it is - money, freedom, time, social life, all of which goes out of the window when kids come along. I've seen that with my friends, whom I hardly see any more because of their situation. Their social life is dead and they are broke. How is that in any way desirable?

And he said......?

If you really do have friends and work colleagues who keep saying this to you, I think you're not being forceful enough in your reply.

"Mind your own bloody business" might work better. :cool:

CC-Warrior

Pollycat wrote: »

And he said......?

If you really do have friends and work colleagues who keep saying this to you, I think you're not being forceful enough in your reply.

"Mind your own bloody business" might work better. :cool:

It quickly ended the conversation and it all went a bit quiet.

None of my friends or family say this to me.

catkins

I have been asked this twice over the years, along with lots of other rude and nosy comments.

Both times it was by work colleagues. The first time it was my first day in the job and I was chatting to this guy and we were talking the usual "where do you live", "are you married" etc. He then asked how many children I had. When I said none he asked why and I said me and OH didn't want any. He then said "I can't see the point in getting married if you don't want children". I told him that was a silly thing to say and he replied that I wasn't normal!

The second time another guy at work asked how many children I had and I replied none. He looked at my hands and said "But you're married aren't you?" I said "yes" to which he said "Oh have you not been married long?" to which I replied "24 years" and he said "But you have no children" with a really puzzled look on his face. I just walked away

Gloomendoom

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I respect that, but from a legal point of view they're still not married, and this was the issue in question here.

But from a cultural and religious point of view they are. That is sufficient for them to be given their society's blessing to live together as man and wife and have children. In their eyes, the civil wedding in itself, is not sufficient to do that as, without the religious ceremony, they are not considered fully married.

However, we digress, religion is irrelevant to the OP's original issue in question.

I am married with no children. Nobody has ever suggested my that marriage is pointless.

Georgiegirl256

catkins wrote: »

I have been asked this twice over the years, along with lots of other rude and nosy comments.

Both times it was by work colleagues. The first time it was my first day in the job and I was chatting to this guy and we were talking the usual "where do you live", "are you married" etc. He then asked how many children I had. When I said none he asked why and I said me and OH didn't want any. He then said "I can't see the point in getting married if you don't want children". I told him that was a silly thing to say and he replied that I wasn't normal!

The second time another guy at work asked how many children I had and I replied none. He looked at my hands and said "But you're married aren't you?" I said "yes" to which he said "Oh have you not been married long?" to which I replied "24 years" and he said "But you have no children" with a really puzzled look on his face. I just walked away

That's really bad I wish people would realise they are being damn right inconsiderate, rude and hurtful. It's just not on is it? Like someone else mentioned previously, what if you'd been trying for years, or you just couldn't have any? Regardless if you want kids or don't want kids, people should mind their own bloody business. I really don't see why they think it's got anyone to do with them.

MrSmartprice

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

You have to say these things wherever you get married in the UK (assuming the marriage venue is licensed for weddings) otherwise the marriage is not legal.

I was the 'Authorised Person ' (like a registrar) for the church I attended for many years and this was part of my training. The venue has to be licensed, and the couple have to be free to marry and willing to marry and must declare this in front of at least two witnesses. Anything else is trimming.

This is exactly as I understand it. You need this authorisation to conduct a marriage, which is what registrars have. Vicars can have it too, in order to effectively stand in for a registrar at a recognised church wedding. Any ceremony, religious or otherwise, which does not have this authorised person conducting it means there is no marriage under the law.

As an aside, you can get married on cruise ships. The ceremony is conducted by the captain or other senior officer who needs to be authorised in this way. P&O ships, for instance, carry out marriages under Bermudan law, which is why their ships are registered there. You get a Bermudan licence, which is every bit as legal as a UK one.

Gloomendoom wrote: »

But from a cultural and religious point of view they are. That is sufficient for them to be given their society's blessing to live together as man and wife and have children. In their eyes, the civil wedding in itself, is not sufficient to do that as, without the religious ceremony, they are not considered fully married.

Cultural & religious points of view are still meaningless and irrelevant in law. If there is no legal marriage it would affect inheritance in the case of intestacy. A woman who had only been through one of these 'pretend' marriages would inherit nothing if her co-habiting partner died. It would go straight to his children. And if there were none, to other blood relations.

Society's 'blessing' isn't much use to you then, I suggest.;)