"There is no point in getting married if you're not having kids"

seven-day-weekend

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What you cannot grasp is that not everybody regards marriage in the same way that you do. To some, that bit of paper is of secondary importance, only necessary for the marriage to be legally recognised with the rights and benefits that that bestows, the most important part of the marriage to them is the religious ceremony.

As a practising Christian, to me the religious ceremony will always be the most meaningful part, but on its own without the legal aspects within it, or done separately elsewhere, it will not give legal status and protection and you will be living together as an unmarried couple, no matter how you regard yourself. That is fact.

Liz3yy

I'm not long married, having tied the knot in July of this year, and am waiting for all the comments to start. I and my husband have never wanted children and talked about it from the time we started dating.

If anyone is rude enough to ask why we don't plan on having kids I will not be held responsible for my actions. The cheek of some people!

MrSmartprice

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What you cannot grasp is that not everybody regards marriage in the same way that you do. To some, that bit of paper is of secondary importance, only necessary for the marriage to be legally recognised with the rights and benefits that that bestows, the most important part of the marriage to them is the religious ceremony.

And what you fail to grasp is that without the certificate, you are not married. Doesn't matter how you stack it up, that is the plain, factual truth. The rest is just frippery.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

As a practising Christian, to me the religious ceremony will always be the most meaningful part, but on its own without the legal aspects within it, or done separately elsewhere, it will not give legal status and protection and you will be living together as an unmarried couple, no matter how you regard yourself. That is fact.

He isn't taking any notice of me, maybe he will of you.:rotfl:

Liz3yy wrote: »

I'm not long married, having tied the knot in July of this year, and am waiting for all the comments to start. I and my husband have never wanted children and talked about it from the time we started dating.

If anyone is rude enough to ask why we don't plan on having kids I will not be held responsible for my actions. The cheek of some people!

Throw it back at them. Ask them why they did want kids. Or tell them that, having seen their horrid brats you decided not to bother!:D

lostinrates

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Our son was planned and wanted and we still love him dearly now he is a grown-up in his 30s and wouldn't be without him

However, had we the benefit of hindsight, we'd have stayed child-free. It's one less thing to worry about and one less thing that cramps your style.

He and his partner of five years say they don't want children, so at least we won't have the worry of grandchildren.

I think this is one of the bravest and most wonderful things i have read on this board. (On a thread where you are making more sense than either extreme!). As someone childless not by choice, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my position and the hard one position somewhere between resignation and 'contentment' feel a little more easy. I cannot tell you how meaning full I have found this post. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

seven-day-weekend

lostinrates wrote: »

I think this is one of the bravest and most wonderful things i have read on this board. (On a thread where you are making more sense than either extreme!). As someone childless not by choice, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making my position and the hard one position somewhere between resignation and 'contentment' feel a little more easy. I cannot tell you how meaning full I have found this post. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Oh....Thanks! Glad it helped and thanks for saying so. xxx

Gloomendoom

MrSmartprice wrote: »

And what you fail to grasp is that without the certificate, you are not married. Doesn't matter how you stack it up, that is the plain, factual truth. The rest is just frippery.

Back in post 4, when you introduced religion into this thread, you stated that religion had no place in marriage. I took issue with that, arguing that, to many people, not all but still millions around the world, it most definitely does. To them marriage goes beyond the legal certificate.

That, is the plain factual truth.

seven-day-weekend

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Back in post 4, when you introduced religion into this thread, you stated that religion had no place in marriage. I took issue with that, arguing that, to many people, not all but still millions around the world, it most definitely does. To them marriage goes beyond the legal certificate.

That, is the plain factual truth.

I think what you are saying is that for religious people the religious ceremony is very important, and as a person with a faith myself, I agree with you. However I think what Mr Smartprice meant was that the religious ceremony does not, in itself, make the marriage legal and that it is a choice of the people who are being married. You can be absolutely legally married without any sort of ceremony, religious or otherwise, in this country; all you have to do is state a couple of sentences in front of witnesses. If you chose to also have a religious service, that does not make the marriage any more or less valid, although obviously to a person with faith it will be much more meaningful.

MrSmartprice

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Back in post 4, when you introduced religion into this thread, you stated that religion had no place in marriage. I took issue with that, arguing that, to many people, not all but still millions around the world, it most definitely does. To them marriage goes beyond the legal certificate.

That, is the plain factual truth.

No, it isn't. It is all about what people choose to do, whether the add-ons be getting married on a ship, in a church, on a fairground ride or at an Elvis shop in Las Vegas. From a purely legal point, every one is the same. But you make it what you want, and it makes no difference in the grand scheme of things.

My issue with you is that you have tried to pretend that the legal status is not as important, when in fact it is the only part of the process that is vital. Without it there is no marriage. I can grasp it as an atheist, but your god-based bigotry seems to prevent it sinking in. SDW is a christian and she is telling you the same thing. So just accept it.

catkins

fluffnutter wrote: »

That's because very few people regret having kids, even the ones that didn't feel particularly keen initially. They can't imagine life without them and so assume that you'd have a similar conversion..

I disagree. Over the years I have been told by quite a lot of people (men and women) that as much as they love their children, if they could go back in time they would not have any.

seven-day-weekend

We were married in a civil ceremony when I was 21 and my husband was 22. We had no faith at the time. Thirteen years later, when we had both become believing Christians, we re-took our vows in church, because we wanted to make our promises to each other before God and surrounded by our Christian 'family'.

Although this service was very meaningful to us, and had a great sense of holiness and rightness, we weren't any more married than we were when we got married as atheists after spending twenty minutes in a registrar's office thirteen years before. We didn't feel any 'more married'. We were just pleased that we had said our vows in front of God and not just a registrar.

(Just a humorous note: Our son was four at the time and was getting fed up with the service. He had a plastic laser gun to play with. At one point in the service the Minister asked for him to come to the front, so he could give the blessing to all of us as a family. Our son came to the front with his laser gun, pointed it at the Minister, said 'BANG!' and then said at the top of his voice 'WHY DOESN'T HE FALL OVER?'. Well of course everyone else fell over, laughing, and it took us months to rid ourselves of comments about shotgun weddings )