"There is no point in getting married if you're not having kids"

CC-Warrior

Gloomendoom wrote: »

No, of course not, but without the religious element to my own marriage, I would consider myself less married than you.
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Please, that's the most stupid thing I've read all day.

CC-Warrior

This has gone right off track - enough of the religious nonsense please.

HPoirot

A dog with a bone ... ...

Georgiegirl256

Gloomendoom wrote: »

We could go on all night like this. In law there are no grades of marriage, however, in the wider community, there most definitely is. Some sections of the community believe that, without the religious ceremony, there is no valid marriage. For example, in the religious and cultural context, my sister-in-law was married for nearly a year before she went through the legal process at a registry office. She, and everybody else, celebrate the date of the religious ceremony as her wedding anniversary.

not meaning to be disrespectful here, but you say "my sister-in-law was married for nearly a year before she went through the legal process at a registry office" But she wasn't married, not until the legal ceremony.

Have to agree with mrsmartprice, like it or not, what he is saying is true.

Gloomendoom

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

not meaning to be disrespectful here, but you say "my sister-in-law was married for nearly a year before she went through the legal process at a registry office" But she wasn't married, not until the legal ceremony.

Have to agree with mrsmartprice, like it or not, what he is saying is true.

With respect, like it or not, different cultures have different values...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/ritesrituals/weddings_1.shtml

Dunroamin

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

not meaning to be disrespectful here, but you say "my sister-in-law was married for nearly a year before she went through the legal process at a registry office" But she wasn't married, not until the legal ceremony.

Have to agree with mrsmartprice, like it or not, what he is saying is true.

Muslim "nikah" weddings are recognised in the UK if they were performed in a Muslim country. It's only if they're performed in the UK itself that a civil ceremony is required.

coolcait

I don't remember that case. If you can find a link it would make interesting reading.

OP, like others on this thread I have never heard anyone make the kind of statements you report. Nor have I ever heard of anyone making that kind of statement.

Given my venerable age, the fact that I am surrounded by people who speak frankly, and my documented presence on this particular MSE board for many years - the statements you report are very much in the category of "that's a new one!!"

Marriage laws do vary to an extent in different parts of the UK. It is possible for a religious marriage ceremony to be legally valid as a marriage - in the same way that it is possible for a marriage ceremony with no religious aspects to be valid as a marriage.

It is also possible for a religious marriage ceremony to be invalid - in a legal sense - as a marriage. Just as some marriage ceremonies with no religious aspects might not be legally valid as a marriage - if the venue for the ceremony didn't meet the legal requirements for that part of the UK.

To echo the official guidance out there - check what you need to do in order to get legally married.

When it comes to dealing with the views of family and friends, it's up to you whether you ignore them or challenge them. Or find a middle way of some kind.

seven-day-weekend

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

There are a couple of things you have to say by law (declaring that you are free to marry and assenting that you are willing to marry), and the rest, as he says, is 'padding'.

You have to say these things wherever you get married in the UK (assuming the marriage venue is licensed for weddings) otherwise the marriage is not legal.

I was the 'Authorised Person ' (like a registrar) for the church I attended for many years and this was part of my training. The venue has to be licensed, and the couple have to be free to marry and willing to marry and must declare this in front of at least two witnesses. Anything else is trimming.

This is what you HAVE to say: (From : A Guide for Authorised Persons issued by HM Passport Office https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/239958/APs_Guide_-_September_2013_v3.pdf )

The ceremony
Declaratory and contracting words

3.12 You and the witnesses must hear the couple use one of the following declarations

and one of the following contracting words during the ceremony:

3.13 Declaration

I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, (name) may
not be joined in matrimony to (name)
or
I declare that I know of no legal reason why I, (name) may not be joined in marriage
to (name)
or
by replying “I am” to the question “Are you, (name) free lawfully to marry (name).

3.14 Contracting words

I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, (name) do take thee
(name) to be my lawful wedded wife/husband
or
I(name) take you/thee (name) to be my wedded wife/husband



If all you say is this in the correct context then you are legally married. Nothing else you say will make you any more married.

As a Christian, I certainly understand that people want to make promises and vows before (and to) God, and this is why my husband and I retook our vows in church thirteen years after our registry office wedding once we had become believers. But it is not necessary to do this to be legally married.

The church I am in now is not licensed for weddings, so members of our congregation get married elsewhere. Some may choose the Civil Marriage route, with a church blessing later, and whilst the blessing part may mean more to them, it is actually the civil ceremony that makes it legal.

Hope this helps.

Pollycat

CC-Warrior wrote: »

Why do people say this? It annoys me. It's always parents that say it.

Marriage is a symbol of commitment between two people, a partnership, and also leads to cheaper car insurance according to my insurer

So on the basis of not wanting children, why shouldn't I get married?

Any thoughts.

balletshoes wrote: »

no idea - no-one has ever said, either to me or around me, that theres no point getting married if you're not going to have kids together. Thats a new one on me :cool:.

I agree with balletshoes. I got married almost 40 years ago (marriage ended after 10 years) but my husband and I had no intention of having children (and didn't).

Nobody said that to me, even all those years ago - and if anyone had said it, they'd have got the rough end of my tongue for being so rude.

Is it your parents who are saying that to you?

balletshoes

Dunroamin wrote: »

Muslim "nikah" weddings are recognised in the UK if they were performed in a Muslim country. It's only if they're performed in the UK itself that a civil ceremony is required.

only if that Muslim country doesn't require a civil ceremony as well as the Nikah, to be formally recognised by the law of that country as married.