Sibling Jealousy/Rivalry

Herongull

But my point is that she probably hasn't - perhaps she is away in term-time and home for the long holidays and weekends. She may intend to move back after her course (when her younger sister may be away at university).

In hindsight (in the light of the younger daughter's behavioure and attitude), the mother should have just said "No, the room is your sister's unless and until she permanently moves out."

And both daughters reverting back to their original rooms may be the best solution given the younger daughter's behaviour.

But appeasing abusive and threatening behaviour from a spoilt teen who thinks they are entitled anything they fancy and that no one else has any rights is a recipe for disaster.

duchy

Herongull wrote: »

Not necessarily! See my previous post. Why assume that the younger daughter is "entitled" to her sister's room? Younger daughter seems to think she is entitled to everything!

We don't know all the facts here. The older daughter has rights too and shouldn't be pushed around like a sack of potatoes to appease her spoilt younger sister.

There are two family members living fulltime in the home. The third has chosen to live away-as an adult. Why on earth should a fulltime member of the household squeeze into a smaller room when there is an unused one standing empty. It'd be daft.

ValHaller

Pollycat wrote: »

You're right. We don't know all the facts here.
For all we know, DD1 may be sending nasty texts to her sister to wind her up or she may be damaging her sister's things that she sees as being in her room.

Most likely even OP does not know exactly what might go own between older and younger. Which is why I say keep younger with her Dad until Older has gone, rather than let something else kick off

victory

[QUOTE=Herongull;

But appeasing abusive and threatening behaviour from a spoilt teen who thinks they are entitled anything they fancy and that no one else has any rights is a recipe for disaster.[/QUOTE]

I don't think she is. The problem stems from trying to please 2 very different stages of 2 daughters lives, 23 should have moved out by now but still at uni, fair enough, so sort of limbo land.

16 year old still at home ( expected) starting out in life (job, college) but is actually a full time home dweller so can take full advantage of the bigger room.

victory

ValHaller wrote: »

Most likely even OP does not know exactly what might go own between older and younger. Which is why I say keep younger with her Dad until Older has gone, rather than let something else kick off

Yes but no. Just because they are not seeing each other that will never stop the dreaded Facebook, Twitter, was sap and whatever else attacks on each other as well as texts or emails:eek:

poet123

I would have gone with rooms remaining the same until the older daughter fully moves out or permanent swap at the point of the eldest going to University.

Temporary swapping when the elder one comes home does send a message to the younger one that she is of lower importance and should accommodate her sister. Swapping for a weekend visit is ridiculous and I can see why the younger one would be annoyed.

Herongull

victory wrote: »

I don't think she is. The problem stems from trying to please 2 very different stages of 2 daughters lives, 23 should have moved out by now but still at uni, fair enough, so sort of limbo land.

16 year old still at home ( expected) starting out in life (job, college) but is actually a full time home dweller so can take full advantage of the bigger room.

I would agree that there was a valid argument for a full room swap when the older girl went to university (and I said that in my first post). But that didn't happen (for reasons that aren't clear).

Instead an awkward compromise was reached, which unsurprisingly didn't work.

The younger girl is now demanding her sister's room, being abusive and obnoxious and, more seriously, making threats.

She sounds like a bully and appeasing bullies is never right.

The only solution is to revert to the original status quo - both girls in their old rooms.

duchy

poet123 wrote: »

I would have gone with rooms remaining the same until the older daughter fully moves out or permanent swap at the point of the eldest going to University.

Temporary swapping when the elder one comes home does send a message to the younger one that she is of lower importance and should accommodate her sister. Swapping for a weekend visit is ridiculous and I can see why the younger one would be annoyed.

Surely keeping a room empty and making the younger daughter use an inferior one gives the same message to the younger daughter that she is of less importance ?

I agree temporary swopping is ridiculous -but so is a twenty three year old expecting her younger sibling to be disadvantaged to accomadate the older one for the few weeks a year she is staying at the family home each year.

University students who study away btw aren't counted in with the "bedroom tax" so I'd imagine quite a few have found their "domain" disappearing . I was talking to a friend about this just last night-both her sons are away at uni and she's paying to keep their rooms empty and simply can't afford to. As it's unlikely either of them will find employment in their fields in their home town the obvious solution is for her to move into something smaller.

duchy

I do wonder if the younger daughter kicked off because she felt the original agreement had been broken -in that she had agreed to move back for holidays but hadn't agreed to odd weekend breaks ? It does seem a bit stupid to expect her to move just for a couple of nights as presumably big sister came with just a weekend bag and not all her worldly goods.

victory

Herongull wrote: »

I would agree that there was a valid argument for a full room swap when the older girl went to university (and I said that in my first post). But that didn't happen (for reasons that aren't clear).

Instead an awkward compromise was reached, which unsurprisingly didn't work.

The younger girl is now demanding her sister's room, being abusive and obnoxious and, more seriously, making threats.

She sounds like a bully and appeasing bullies is never right.

The only solution is to revert to the original status quo - both girls in their old rooms.

The awkward compromise was a ' people pleaser ' a very poor compromise, a keep 2 daughters at completely different stages of their lives happy, a ' leave the door open for the eldest to return' so she doesn't feel left out, pushed out.... Give the youngest the room to please her but keep it open to please eldest on her return... Hum, not a great keep everyone happy solution.:D

The fury , the anger, the frustration of youngest is not bullying, she is waaaaaay out of line, never condone it but it does have a back story, a reason, a point, I said in my other posts. I

I think the eldest just coming for a weekend could have quite happily stayed in the youngest room easily without having to disrupt/ make youngest move her stuff out just for a couple of nights, eldest being 23 one would have expected her to be more flexible.

It really has been handled wrong.