Sibling Jealousy/Rivalry

Errata

Older DD is at University and came home for the weekend yesterday

It all started because younger DD wanted the big bedroom once older DD went to University. We agreed that she could move into the big room but that she would let older DD sleep in there during holiday times. The row started when older DD came home yesterday and younger DD went ballistic because she would have to sleep in her old room.

Can't say I blame the younger DD - she seems to be the only one that understands the difference between holiday times and weekends.

ValHaller

FatVonD wrote: »

But you HAVE suggested it! You have suggested making the girl stay at her dad's until her sister vacates her room to go back to uni!??

Read this

ValHaller wrote: »

Given ....

And why don't you post your solution to this instead of just stalking and criticising me?

Mojisola

ValHaller wrote: »

And why don't you post your solution to this instead of just stalking and criticising me?

I think DD1 should be moving herself into the small bedroom or going to stay with Dad.

DD2 should be brought back into her bedroom.

Mum should be apologising to DD2 for not treating her daughters fairly.

DD2 should be apologising for her behaviour and accept a suitable punishment.

Everyone should be talking and listening to each other much more in the future.

FatVonD

ValHaller wrote: »

Read this

And why don't you post your solution to this instead of just stalking and criticising me?

I'm not stalking you (or any of the other things you've accused me of!) I'm disagreeing with you but you seem to have some trouble with it.

My solution: apologise profusely, move big sis into the smaller room and give younger sis her room back pronto. Sorted.

Lovely as this has been I'm on my way round to yours off to pick my son up from work so will have to catch up later :rotfl:

ValHaller

Mojisola wrote: »

I think DD1 should be moving herself into the small bedroom or going to stay with Dad.

DD2 should be brought back into her bedroom.

Mum should be apologising to DD2 for not treating her daughters fairly.

DD2 should be apologising for her behaviour and accept a suitable punishment.

Everyone should be talking and listening to each other much more in the future.

You are not FatVonD

Mojisola

ValHaller wrote: »

You are not FatVonD

And so I'm not allowed to post my ideas?

ValHaller

FatVonD wrote: »

I'm not stalking you (or any of the other things you've accused me of!) I'm disagreeing with you but you seem to have some trouble with it.

My solution: apologise profusely, move big sis into the smaller room and give younger sis her room back pronto. Sorted.

Lovely as this has been I'm on my way round to yours off to pick my son up from work so will have to catch up later :rotfl:

And the only essential difference is that I am suggesting that Younger stays with Dad a bit longer so that this can be sorted without the risk of something else kicking off while younger is still fired up. For which you are the cheer leader for saying it is the worst idea ever.

ValHaller

Mojisola wrote: »

And so I'm not allowed to post my ideas?

Of course you are. But yours is not a useful response to a request for FatVonD's ideas. And you ave had your say anyway.

Herongull

If the rooms were of unequal size, I can see why the older daughter got the bigger one: A child needs more space than a toddler, a teen needs more space than a child etc etc.

Of course this is "unfair" to the younger one because she is always in a smaller room than her sister was at her age, but heh that is what happens in these situations.

Conversely the younger one probably has much more freedom and less chores than the older one had at the same age - parents are normally less strict with younger children. Also "unfair".

But both daughters have to understand that everything is never exactly equal/"fair" but it tends to average out - swings and roundabouts.

Until she went away to university, I can see why the older daughter kept her room. She can't be expected to give up her room just because her sister wants it.

When she goes away to university this changes. There is then an argument for letting the younger daughter have the larger room. The simplest thing would be for them to do a straight swap and then each daughter would have their own things in their own room.

Why didn't this happen? Perhaps the elder daughter wanted to keep her room even if she was away at uni during term-time. If she is often home on weekends and for all the holidays, this isn't unreasonable. As far as she is concerned, it is her room not her sisters.

So a compromise was reached - the older daughter has her room when she is home, but the younger daughter can use it when she is away. However it isn't clear where each daughter's clothes and possessions are kept. If the younger girl has really taken over her sister's old room why would the older girl want to sleep there? She'd want to be in the small room with all her stuff. So I am thinking that most of the older girls things are still in her old room and the younger girl still has the small room for her stuff even if she sleeps in the bigger room. Odd arrangement, but compromises are like this.

The older girl may be expecting to move back full time when her course finishes (when her sister will probably be away at university). If she swapped now would her younger sister be prepared to swap back when the situations reversed? Probably not.

Rewarding the younger girl's behaviour (going ballistic, screaming abuse and making threats) by giving her the room is just not on. She sounds extremely spoilt and self-centred.

Perhaps a better solution would be move the daughters completely back to their original rooms and remove this source of conflict...

duchy

ValHaller wrote: »

And the only essential difference is that I am suggesting that Younger stays with Dad a bit longer so that this can be sorted without the risk of something else kicking off while younger is still fired up. For which you are the cheer leader for saying it is the worst idea ever.

Thing is that leaving her with Dad "whilst the important people sort it out" is still marginalizing her. This is a family issue-the three (possibly four with Dad) of them should be sorting it out together.

I do wonder what DD1's take on all this is.........she must see what her claiming the room is doing. At no point is this adult woman reported as saying "Look I'm away most of the year...let her have the room fulltime". Perhaps she's the one still calling the shots even though she no longer really lives there ?