Sibling Jealousy/Rivalry

Pollycat

ValHaller wrote: »

I can understand the tantrum. But the problem is how to put it right without reinforcing the tantrum as the means of putting things right.

I think the answer to the problem is pretty simple.
I was going to say that the Mum should speak to DD1 and tell her that as she's moved out to go to Uni, DD2 should have the big bedroom - permanently. and that any 'agreement' to the contrary was ill-thought out from the start.

She should speak to DD2 and apologise for not comprehending the impact this (so-called) agreement would have.
She should also remonstrate with DD2 about her behaviour.

Actually, Mojisola has already said it better than I could:

Mojisola wrote: »

I think DD1 should be moving herself into the small bedroom or going to stay with Dad.

DD2 should be brought back into her bedroom.

Mum should be apologising to DD2 for not treating her daughters fairly.

DD2 should be apologising for her behaviour and accept a suitable punishment.

Everyone should be talking and listening to each other much more in the future.

ValHaller wrote: »

You are not FatVonD

I think this is pretty rude to Mojisola (and your later reply to Mojisola is no better).

You and another member may be having a bit of a spat (which I have no intention of getting involved in) but there is absolutely no need to take it out on somebody who has posted on this thread (and lots of others) with politeness and common sense.

You have no right to tell somebody else that 'they have had their say'.

Mojisola

ValHaller wrote: »

Of course you are. But yours is not a useful response to a request for FatVonD's ideas. .

I didn't realise we were being rationed! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

duchy

ValHaller wrote: »

I can understand the tantrum. But the problem is how to put it right without reinforcing the tantrum as the means of putting things right.

I've already addressed this..... treat it as two seperate issues.

1 The room -reassign ownership fairly -no discussion Mum made a mistake agreeing to the original arrangement. Mum's house-she has final say in righting the wrong.

2 DD2's behaviour- Unacceptable - punished as a seperate issue-ignoring the fact it had anything to do with the room.

End result - DD2 gets the room BUT also loses her mobile for a week -or whatever (I do think whatever the punishment is it should be something that will have impact and not just token)

duchy

Mojisola wrote: »

I didn't realise we were being rationed! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

We don't have cool enough user names to warrant opinions obviously

Herongull

1 The room -reassign ownership fairly -no discussion Mum made a mistake agreeing to the original arrangement. Mum's house-she has final say in righting the wrong.

Not necessarily! See my previous post. Why assume that the younger daughter is "entitled" to her sister's room? Younger daughter seems to think she is entitled to everything!

We don't know all the facts here. The older daughter has rights too and shouldn't be pushed around like a sack of potatoes to appease her spoilt younger sister.

peachyprice

Herongull wrote: »

Not necessarily! See my previous post. Why assume that the younger daughter is "entitled" to her sister's room? Younger daughter seems to think she is entitled to everything!

We don't know all the facts here. The older daughter has rights too and shouldn't be pushed around like a sack of potatoes to appease her spoilt younger sister.

If that is the case OP should never have agreed to let the younger daughter have the room in the first place. But she did.

ValHaller

Pollycat wrote: »

You have no right to tell somebody else that 'they have had their say'.

You have completely misunderstood this. Obviously today is not my day for being understood.

The point I wanted to make was that Mojisola has already made comments without being challenged by me. Mojisola's comments are welcome as are FatVonD's. But Mojisola's answer to a question directed at another person is obviously misplaced.

I would agree that I have no right to say that someone has had their say implying that they should shut up. But it was not meant like that. So I'll apologise for the impression given but not for what I said in the place I said it.

Dunroamin

Herongull wrote: »

Not necessarily! See my previous post. Why assume that the younger daughter is "entitled" to her sister's room? Younger daughter seems to think she is entitled to everything!

We don't know all the facts here. The older daughter has rights too and shouldn't be pushed around like a sack of potatoes to appease her spoilt younger sister.

Perhaps because she's an adult and has moved out to go to university?

victory

The room should never have been given part time.

The aggression is over boiling anger/ resentment/ frustration at not being properly heard/ listened to/ understood.

Sending DD to her dads undermines her and her point of view.

Favouritism is perceived , justified and not defused correctly.

Lunch out is a great idea, youngest must be full of hate/ feeling sick to her back teeth of knowing she got sent away and the precious eldest is allowed to stay at home.

Pollycat

Herongull wrote: »

Not necessarily! See my previous post. Why assume that the younger daughter is "entitled" to her sister's room? Younger daughter seems to think she is entitled to everything!

We don't know all the facts here. The older daughter has rights too and shouldn't be pushed around like a sack of potatoes to appease her spoilt younger sister.

Do you think it fair that a larger bedroom sits empty for a large portion of 3 years because DD1 has always had that bedroom?

What if DD1 never comes back home to live after finishing University?

At what point should the Mum allow DD2 to move into the larger bedroom? When DD1 gets married?

I didn't get from the one post by the OP that the younger daughter thinks she is entitled to everything.
The OP has said that they are both jealous of each other.
Surely the eldest (by 7 years) should be behaving in a more adult manner?

Is DD1 really being pushed round like a sack of potatoes?
She will have her own space at Uni.
DD2, on the other hand, has a bedroom at home which it appears she is expected to relinquish whenever her older sister comes home.
It sounds to me that if anyone is being pushed round like a sack of potatoes, it's the younger girl.

You're right. We don't know all the facts here.
For all we know, DD1 may be sending nasty texts to her sister to wind her up or she may be damaging her sister's things that she sees as being in her room.