How would you react? (Aggressive stranger v child scenario)

skitler

jojo no no. (not hair removal)

your last post, really, after your experience you would be content to just turn a blind eye and leave a child in anguish and suffering no matter how bad. how many times do we need to hear about it on the news. if turning a blind eye was the done thing just think how much worse it would be for many others.
to all posters, like it or not humans are capable of many nasty acts, its a deep rooted mechanism that we have suppressed as civilised humans. suppressed and discouraged by fear of punishment.

lets say tomorrow you damage your mobile phone, its £200 for the new one you want, you dont have any money, why buy one just take it, whats stopping you, just tell the shop owner youll batter him if he says anything, whats stopping you? (just for example and not part of the abuse thread).

we have suppressed these emotions in civilised society and we pass this down to our children. these suppressed thoughts resurface in some and its for the rest of us to educate and nurture the offender to the right path as well as the children or other adults that have been the victims.

doing nothing is not and never will be a option.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

skitler wrote: »

jojo no no. (not hair removal)

your last post, really, after your experience you would be content to just turn a blind eye and leave a child in anguish and suffering no matter how bad. how many times do we need to hear about it on the news. if turning a blind eye was the done thing just think how much worse it would be for many others.
to all posters, like it or not humans are capable of many nasty acts, its a deep rooted mechanism that we have suppressed as civilised humans. suppressed and discouraged by fear of punishment.

lets say tomorrow you damage your mobile phone, its £200 for the new one you want, you dont have any money, why buy one just take it, whats stopping you, just tell the shop owner youll batter him if he says anything, whats stopping you? (just for example and not part of the abuse thread).

we have suppressed these emotions in civilised society and we pass this down to our children. these suppressed thoughts resurface in some and its for the rest of us to educate and nurture the offender to the right path as well as the children or other adults that have been the victims.

doing nothing is not and never will be a option.

No, I wouldn't be content. But I would be realistic that marching up and setting the parent straight about the error of their ways would be more likely to cause the child more pain and they would learn that well meaning people only cause you more trouble. Thus making them far less likely to ask for help from somebody who actually has the ability to do something about it.


If there is a way of identifying the parent and child, then starting the ball rolling on Safeguarding procedures is the only ethical thing somebody can do. But accosting somebody on the street with no means of being able to ensure that child is protected from the inevitable retribution once they are back indoors is more about the person feeling good about themselves than it is actually doing something to make that child's life any easier or safer.


And people may innocently believe that the abuser just needs a bit of education and everything will be fixed; I can assure you that they know damn well what they are doing is wrong and will take whatever steps they can to ensure that they are not caught - including terrifying the child/children into not saying anything by showing how bad it was when a stranger comes up and says anything, implying how much worse it could be if the child were actually to say anything to somebody who actually could do something about it.





That's the thing with abuse; you learn that people who mean well but have absolutely no means to carry through or appreciate the implications of their actions are more of a threat to you than those who do nothing.



What was the use of somebody telling my mother she shouldn't have said x to me? That got me more batterings. It would have been a damn sight more useful if they had notified Social Services if they knew me - or shut the hell up.

skitler

well thanks for your reply, jojo, but you quoted my post but didn't refer to it in your retort.

nobody is marching up to abusive strangers in the street and confronting them, neither are we discussing that or condoning that anybody does such. i don't know where you have picked that from yet again. but please be assured that's not a recommended course of action.


If there is a way of identifying the parent and child, then starting the ball rolling on Safeguarding procedures is the only ethical thing somebody can do.
yes that's correct jojo. also the abuser does need more than just a bit of education that is a fact too. relevant authorities do or should know what actions to take, and yes you may be right that they can be a bit toothless, but as more people come forward and more is uncovered then more can be done in prevention and prosecution. just look at the recent saville incident hand how many more are being brought to justice. its not going to happen overnight but it will get better. and i know that no or not so much consolation to you and others that are suffering now.

i do hope this is a helps you.

regards:beer:

Vicky123

skitler wrote: »

well thanks for your reply, jojo, but you quoted my post but didn't refer to it in your retort.

nobody is marching up to abusive strangers in the street and confronting them, neither are we discussing that or condoning that anybody does such. i don't know where you have picked that from yet again. but please be assured that's not a recommended course of action.


If there is a way of identifying the parent and child, then starting the ball rolling on Safeguarding procedures is the only ethical thing somebody can do.
yes that's correct jojo. also the abuser does need more than just a bit of education that is a fact too. relevant authorities do or should know what actions to take, and yes you may be right that they can be a bit toothless, but as more people come forward and more is uncovered then more can be done in prevention and prosecution. just look at the recent saville incident hand how many more are being brought to justice. its not going to happen overnight but it will get better. and i know that no or not so much consolation to you and others that are suffering now.

i do hope this is a helps you.

regards:beer:

The assumption here though is that more people will come forward.
It's amazing how many people would prefer not to get involved and then leave the vulnerable child even more vulnerable.
The recent cases show that many people knew or strongly suspected things were not right, collectively they should and could have made a difference but for reasons best known to themselves they did nothing.

ska_lover

It is your duty to report this

skitler

that's correct Vicky, in what you say to a degree, but people will come forward if they know things will be investigated as in the case i refer to previously (as its best not to mention his name, and wish i hadn't previously). things will get better in this field also. again another sad fact is money, but there just isn't any at the moment and we all know about cuts, but this too will get better. however abuse will also never be eradicated, along with other anti-social behaviour. but thing are getting better, once it was not illegal to be cruel to children as long as they where not being abused, there is a difference, that is no longer the case and cruelty is now illegal. if more people come forward and keep reporting things will change. sadly not overnight or soon enough especially for people suffering now and not just children, but elderly, disabled and mentaly ill
if people know its going on and do nothing, shame on you , shame on you. there is no excuse to do nothing. get that message out as it really does hit home.

sorry for my tardiness but im just a one finger typist.

regards

hawk30

skitler wrote: »

well thanks for your reply, jojo, but you quoted my post but didn't refer to it in your retort.

nobody is marching up to abusive strangers in the street and confronting them, neither are we discussing that or condoning that anybody does such. i don't know where you have picked that from yet again. but please be assured that's not a recommended course

regards:beer:

Erm, that's exactly what Marisco said they would do (see posts 10 and 14). So Jo Jo was responding to that suggestion.

skitler

hawk30 wrote: »

Erm, that's exactly what Marisco said they would do (see posts 10 and 14). So Jo Jo was responding to that suggestion.

that's what "he" he would do, not they, and this approach is misguided by marisco, and not to be condoned, as jojo said this type of approach makes things worse. this is what jojo was referring to and the marching up was jojo's own words as marisco made no reference to marching up to the offender.

regards:beer:

hawk30

skitler wrote: »

that's what "he" he would do, not they, and this approach is misguided by marisco, and not to be condoned, as jojo said this type of approach makes things worse. this is what jojo was referring to and the marching up was jojo's own words as marisco made no reference to marching up to the offender.

regards:beer:

Not using the exact words 'marching up' means nothing. I would say that this is how Jo Jo read the post, although she would have to be the one to confirm.

marisco_2

hawk30 wrote: »

Erm, that's exactly what Marisco said they would do (see posts 10 and 14). So Jo Jo was responding to that suggestion.

No, I didn't say at any time that I would march up to that mother and confront them. What I actually said in post 10 is this.

marisco wrote: »

Personally I would have approached the mother. Then I would have asked her in a very calm but assertive voice, to explain why she thought it was appropriate to speak to a child in such a vile manner, and to behave in such an aggressive way that she had made her child cower with fear. By the end of my conversation with her, that mother would be left in no doubt that people will not tolerate adults being abusive to children.

It is possible to do all of the above calmly and by stating facts.

And I said this in post 14

marisco wrote: »

Where have I said I would 'have a go at her'. I would have asked her to make herself accountable for her actions. There is a massive difference.

The only people on this thread showing any signs of being confrontational people are yourself and jojo. Twisting what people say for your own agendas, detracting away from a thread on a serious subject. What a sad way to carry on.