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How would you react? (Aggressive stranger v child scenario)

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Comments

  • hawk30
    hawk30 Posts: 416 Forumite
    marisco wrote: »
    No, I didn't say at any time that I would march up to that mother and confront them. What I actually said in post 10 is this.



    It is possible to do all of the above calmly and by stating facts.

    And I said this in post 14



    The only people on this thread showing any signs of being confrontational people are yourself and jojo. Twisting what people say for your own agendas, detracting away from a thread on a serious subject. What a sad way to carry on.

    My reading of Jo Jo's post is that any way you did it, it would cause problems for the child. So, even if you did it in the nicest way possible, the child would still get walloped when they got home for 'showing me up'. Yes, Jo Jo has used more confrontational language, but I believe this is because she has actually experienced this and so it is more an emotional subject for her.
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Where have I said I would 'have a go at her'. I would have asked her to make herself accountable for her actions. There is a massive difference.
    Accountable to whom? You? And what would you have done with her account? Sent her to bed without her tea?
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • skitler wrote: »
    that's what "he" he would do, not they, and this approach is misguided by marisco, and not to be condoned, as jojo said this type of approach makes things worse. this is what jojo was referring to and the marching up was jojo's own words as marisco made no reference to marching up to the offender.

    regards:beer:

    are you still wittering on, Skiddy Hitler? :rotfl:
    Telling everyone who's correct and who is wrong.

    It's a discussion forum, people are allowed different points of view to your own ;)
  • marisco_2
    marisco_2 Posts: 4,261 Forumite
    Errata wrote: »
    Accountable to whom? You? And what would you have done with her account? Sent her to bed without her tea?

    She is accountable to the child for how she treats her and makes her feel. I am very surprised that as an adult you cant work that simple concept out for yourself.

    I don't think the rest of your comments warrant a response, as you are clearly just out for an argument and I will not show myself up by stooping to your level.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
  • It's trying to make people understand that much as your intentions are good, you mean well, you want the best for that child, unfortunately the REALITY is as JoJo has said, that you need to be able to identify the child and mother and then set the ball rolling for safeguarding the child.

    If you want to make things worse (but yourself feel better) then confront the mother. But in real life I doubt whether many of the keyboard warriors on here actually would do that.
  • marisco_2
    marisco_2 Posts: 4,261 Forumite
    hawk30 wrote: »
    Yes, Jo Jo has used more confrontational language, but I believe this is because she has actually experienced this and so it is more an emotional subject for her.

    I have experienced abuse too. Most adults who have suffered it are capable of discussion without becoming overly emotional, responding in an over the top irrational way, or of using confrontational language to express an opinion. If someone does that it comes down to their own personal lack of self control and cant be blamed on their experiences.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    marisco wrote: »
    She is accountable to the child for how she treats her and makes her feel. I am very surprised that as an adult you cant work that simple concept out for yourself.

    I don't think the rest of your comments warrant a response, as you are clearly just out for an argument and I will not show myself up by stooping to your level.

    marisco, I don't doubt your intentions would be anything but the best but sometimes even those with the best of intentions wade in and do more harm than good. You would be a stranger on a bus, you would hope that others who have daily contact with the child can make her feel as you described; safer, listened to, and heard. In a chance encounter on a bus that cannot be achieved.

    You work in education, you know what kind of parents are out there and we all know what goes on behind closed doors.

    The best you can do is try to garner enough info to make a report which can be looked into by those charged to do so. I agree in the heat of the moment there are many of us who would feel compelled to tell the woman her actions were unacceptable, but I do think that we would be doing it to make ourselves feel less impotent in the face of such vile behaviour and it would not necessarily help the child. Indeed it could have the reverse effect.
  • FatVonD
    FatVonD Posts: 5,315 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    I think following them home would have been absolutely the right thing to do. If I saw someone beating their dog in the street I'd follow them home to report them to the RSPCA and I'd do the same if I saw an adult mistreating a child.

    I have in the past reported a bullying incident in the park to a school (the kids were recognisable by their uniforms) and to this day I wish I'd intervened but I had my son, who was a toddler at the time, with me and was more worried about what would happen to him if I was set upon by a crowd of teenagers :(
    Make £25 a day in April £0/£750 (March £584, February £602, January £883.66)

    December £361.54, November £322.28, October £288.52, September £374.30, August £223.95, July £71.45, June £251.22, May£119.33, April £236.24, March £106.74, Feb £40.99, Jan £98.54) Total for 2017 - £2,495.10
  • poet123
    poet123 Posts: 24,099 Forumite
    edited 19 October 2013 at 12:12PM
    FatVonD wrote: »
    I think following them home would have been absolutely the right thing to do. If I saw someone beating their dog in the street I'd follow them home to report them to the RSPCA and I'd do the same if I saw an adult mistreating a child.

    I have in the past reported a bullying incident in the park to a school (the kids were recognisable by their uniforms) and to this day I wish I'd intervened but I had my son, who was a toddler at the time, with me and was more worried about what would happen to him if I was set upon by a crowd of teenagers :(

    I have intervened on more than one occasion under those circumstances. Although I think you were right to be mindful of putting your own child at risk in that moment too.

    I was also grateful when a member of the public reported to the school that they had seen one of my sons being roughed up by older lads when he was on his way to school. That scenario is different though, the bullies will disperse and the "victim" is not in their company 24/7.
  • marisco_2
    marisco_2 Posts: 4,261 Forumite
    What would your ex have done to you when you got home, had some middle aged woman stopped him and told him that the way he was speaking to you in public was entirely unacceptable?

    Grovel apologies to you that he'd now seen the error of his ways and never realised what he was doing to you was absolutely wrong? Or make you pay for causing that situation in the first place?

    He did neither. You paint your experience of abuse as being how it is for everyone. Many abusers are far more subtle in their actions than how you are describing. When people saw my ex being abusive toward me and intervened, it helped me to see that not only did I find his behaviour abhorrent but others did too. Part of me finally finding the courage to leave him was the knowledge that people would believe me and want to help. If they had just turned a blind eye and not reacted in any way I don't think I would have left when I did.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
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