How would you react? (Aggressive stranger v child scenario)

aileth

Just a question I'd like to ask after what I witnessed on the bus yesterday. I'll preface this by saying my personal opinion is that I believe in some physical chastisement of children, in the shape of a slap on the bum when they are really, really naughty.

Anyway, I was on the bus the other day on the top deck alone with me and a young mother. She had a bonny little girl, I'd say four to five years old, with her sat patiently on the seat. The bus jolted and the little girl fell from the seat, cue the mother, "For f***k's sakes Leanne, you don't f***king stand up on the f***king bus when it's f***king moving. If you do it again I'll f***king smack you one."

Little girl very meekly gets back on the seat. Little girl then asks mum what's for tea, cue, "I'll give you whatever the f**k I want and if you don't like it I'll smack you."

By this point I was wondering whether the little girl could actually do anything without getting threatened to be belted one.

Then the girl asked if she could have some of the chocolate the mother was eating, to which the mother's response was to raise her hand at the girl while the girl cowered saying, "Do you want a f***king smack? You're being so f***king naughty."

Just before I got off the bus, the little girl said something along the lines of, "Danny told me to !!!! off this morning", and my god there was an uproar, like she had awoken the beast from hell, "WHAT THE F**K DID YOU JUST SAY? HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT WORD. YOU REALLY MUST WANT A F***KING SMACK, YOU F***KING BRAT." Pretty ironic really considering she was using the F word as punctuation. She was so incredibly aggressive, and when I walked downstairs other passengers were commenting on it, but of course just like me they did and said nothing.

Now, I feel like a huge coward. I felt like I should've said something, but I know the response would she would either smack me or swear at me and she certainly wouldn't have gone, "Oh you are so right, my parenting has been awful. I will amend my ways."

She didn't actually smack the little girl, but the way the girl cowered when the mother held her hand up makes me think she has been hit A LOT.

I know a lot of people will say to mind my own business etc, and that how a mother parents her child isn't my business, but I was genuinely worried about this little girl.

Of course you get the parents that swear at their children, but it was the way the girl reacted when the mother raised the hand which made my jaw drop, sort of like if you see dogs that have been kicked and abused, or for example beaten with a newspaper, and each time they see a newspaper they start cowering and whimpering.

Saying anything wouldn't have done anything, and it's not like I can take this girl and 'whisk' her away, but I'm wondering how others might've felt or acted. I was absolutely horrified and felt terrible about myself when I got off the bus.

What do you think?

Tropez

If you have reason to believe a child is in danger then make a report. You could make it anonymously. As many buses have CCTV these days it might be possible for police to identify the mother, of course they may not share your concerns and not ask to see CCTV.

If the mother hasn't done anything wrong and was merely having the worst possible off-day then she has nothing to worry about.

I saw a man clout his child once and use aggressive language while doing it. I took his registration number and lodged a complaint. I don't know if anything came of it but screw it; evil triumphs when the good do nothing.

LEJC

I'm sorry I stopped reading the post when the F words surfaced.....and yes I've had some abuse back when I've challenged people speaking to a child in that manner...

Would I do it again....yes

I am probably about to get flamed too...but actually I find the use of the language far more hurtful and damaging to the child than the act of smacking in the right and appropriate circumstance

aileth

Tropez wrote: »

If you have reason to believe a child is in danger then make a report. You could make it anonymously. As many buses have CCTV these days it might be possible for police to identify the mother, of course they may not share your concerns and not ask to see CCTV.

If the mother hasn't done anything wrong and was merely having the worst possible off-day then she has nothing to worry about.

I saw a man clout his child once and use aggressive language while doing it. I took his registration number and lodged a complaint. I don't know if anything came of it but screw it; evil triumphs when the good do nothing.

Well, I was thinking that, maybe she was just having a bad day, but it was the way the child cowered that made me think that the mother must've had an awful lot of bad days.

I was very close to telling the bus driver, but I doubt he'd have given a toss. She was fully audible downstairs.

**professor~yaffle**

Difficult one. I occasionally hear some idiot effing and blinding at their child and I just despair. What chance does the kid have? Chances are they'll grow up to be the same in a few years time

There's not much you can do about the swearing, but if you thought the child was being abused you could ring childline or the NSPCC and ask their opinion. They'd know if it was worth reporting. However, given that many worse things happen to children than having a foul-mouthed slapper of a mother, and nothing ever seems to get done about it, I wouldn't hold your breath

Carl31

I'd say something

Bad day or not, no one deserves to be spoken to like that, children adults or otherwise.

Parents should be able to control their mouths, we all have slip ups but that obviously isn't the case here

building_with_lego

I've reported a similar incident (swearing, threats of physical violence towards a very young child) to a school- the child was wearing a uniform- and I asked to speak to the person with responsibility for child safeguarding at that school. The school said that they would share the information with the child's teacher and probably involve the parent/s with a view to offering help.

My mum told me of the time that she contacted several local schools with a description of a child she'd seen, school age but not in school, being walloped by an adult in the supermarket. She never knew whether anything happened but felt that she simply had to try to help.

A friend of mine watched in horror as a preschool aged child was smacked repeatedly by an adult, in front of crowds of other adult passers-by. The other adults pretended it wasn't happening and walked by . My friend had no idea how to help at the time and no idea even now of what, if anything, she could have done.

You have witnessed this and your asking this question makes me think that you know you need to report it. Contact the NSPCC and ask their advice, give them all the details you can.

Heffi1

http://www.safenetwork.org.uk/getting_started/Pages/Why_does_safeguarding_matter.aspx

It is everyone's responsibility to safeguard children and vulnerable adults, in practice though it is hard to interfere, but you should raise your concerns nonetheless, if it stops one person being badly treated then I would consider that a success.

itsanne

LEJC wrote: »

I find the use of the language far more hurtful and damaging to the child than the act of smacking in the right and appropriate circumstance[/B]

I'm with you on that.

Tropez wrote: »

If the mother hasn't done anything wrong and was merely having the worst possible off-day then she has nothing to worry about.

I saw a man clout his child once and use aggressive language while doing it. I took his registration number and lodged a complaint. I don't know if anything came of it but screw it; evil triumphs when the good do nothing. Absolutely!

I don't agree that there is any possibility of the mother not doing anything wrong in the above scenario, but I'm glad you reported the man you saw. I've done that too. Interestingly, one of the things I reported a concern about many years ago has resurfaced and the police tracked me down a few months ago to ask more about it!

marisco_2

aileth wrote: »

What do you think?

Personally I would have approached the mother. Then I would have asked her in a very calm but assertive voice, to explain why she thought it was appropriate to speak to a child in such a vile manner, and to behave in such an aggressive way that she had made her child cower with fear. I don't doubt that this enquiry would have been met with a torrent of verbal abuse and she would most likely have become aggressive toward me.

I am a teacher and know how to handle myself around parents of this ilk. To be honest I would much rather she kicked off at me than the little girl. Think about it, if this woman would behave in such an awful way to the little girl in a public place, what the hell would she do and say to her behind closed doors? By the end of my conversation with her, that mother would be left in no doubt that people will not tolerate adults being abusive to children.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

marisco wrote: »

Personally I would have approached the mother. Then I would have asked her in a very calm but assertive voice, to explain why she thought it was appropriate to speak to a child in such a vile manner, and to behave in such an aggressive way that she had made her child cower with fear. I don't doubt that this enquiry would have been met with a torrent of verbal abuse and she would most likely have become aggressive toward me.

I am a teacher and know how to handle myself around parents of this ilk. To be honest I would much rather she kicked off at me than the little girl. Think about it, if this woman would behave in such an awful way to the little girl in a public place, what the hell would she do and say to her behind closed doors? By the end of my conversation with her, that mother would be left in no doubt that people will not tolerate adults being abusive to children.

...and then she would have gone home and taken out her rage about you 'having a go at her' on her kid. Which probably meant ten times the walloping they would have had normally.


I always copped it for other people annoying my mother. The kids whose parents you pull up will inevitably reap the consequences of your moral stance.