Overheard a conversation between Mum and stepdad last night, help

easy

Hmm, when I was 28 I moved back into my parent's home, in order to start my own business (IT Training consultancy)

I occupied my old bedroom, and used the small spare bedroom as my office. I paid rent, AND I paid the household's phone bill until the business could justify having a phone line of it's own (no mobiles back then). In addition, I would sneak out with the family shopping list some weeks, and buy the groceries for my mother (without asking her to give me the money).

I also did things like putting loads of washing in the machine, - the family washing, not just my own - and do a bit of housework in my lunchtimes/between phonecalls on the days I was working at home. Most weekends I would do a load of the family ironing.

Now and then I might take my parents out for a meal, 2 or 3 times I bought them tickets for a London show and paid for a night in a hotel for them

I didn't do this because I'm a saint. I did it because
1. I recognised that I was being given a HUGE boost in my career, by having this roof over my head with no worries
2. having me back at home wasn't what my parents had expected, and I wanted them to know that I appreciated their support.

lifecanbetough4, aside from actually paying rent (which you should be doing), do you contribute to the family at all. Do you ever offer to clean the bathroom? Does your mum ever get home to find the carpets have been vacuumed, the house tidied? Do you ever help with household maintenance - cleaning out the guttering, weeding the garden, helping with decorating... that kind of thing?

When did you last give your mum some flowers? Or bring in a DVD they would like, just as a little treat? Or offer to cook them a meal (or buy a takeaway for them) ?

I'm guessing you come and go as you please, ignore them and what they are doing, disrupt the house bringing stock in and out and never THINK of saying thank you, or showing them any appreciation for the huge amount of help just having a roof over your head is.

(I have to say I worry about your comment about hardly using the washing machine - is your personal hygiene all it should be?)

If you want to be able stay until you are 25 - what is so magical about 25, I wonder- you want your parents to like having you around, do you see?

stir_crazy

lifecanbetough4 wrote: »

but do you not think it would be reasonable for me to move out in summer rather than now?

Why wait? If you are able to save up then you must have a reasonable income. Plenty of students live in their own accomodation. And if you move into a shared flat you might start to make friends. And then you might realise exactly what the real world is like.

StuC75

That would be upto the parents and how they are set.. not something that would just assume..

lifecanbetough4 wrote: »

My idea was the any rent paid to parents from people my age, was given back to them by the parents to help with moving out when they moved out? does this not happen most of the time?

thorsoak

One thing that has occurred to me ....do the tax authorities know that you are running a business from the bedroom in your parents' house? It could have taxation implications on your parents

Torry_Quine

lifecanbetough4 wrote: »

My idea was the any rent paid to parents from people my age, was given back to them by the parents to help with moving out when they moved out? does this not happen most of the time?

Entirely up to the parents.

For many though this just isn't an option as the money is necessary for the household expenses. Certainly I didn't get any money when I moved out and had savings which were a house deposit.

KxMx

If you would like to stay until the summer then perhaps ask your Mum and Step Dad what you can do to make you living there easier. Perhaps keeping your stock in a more tidy fashion, contributing through chores and money to the running of the household. If they won't take money directly there are a myriad of ways you can contribute financially indirectly. Find ways you can spend more time away from the house, a night at the cinema etc you can go on your own and look for deals/free tickets.

thorsoak

easy wrote: »

Hmm, when I was 28 I moved back into my parent's home, in order to start my own business (IT Training consultancy)

I occupied my old bedroom, and used the small spare bedroom as my office. I paid rent, AND I paid the household's phone bill until the business could justify having a phone line of it's own (no mobiles back then). In addition, I would sneak out with the family shopping list some weeks, and buy the groceries for my mother (without asking her to give me the money).

I also did things like putting loads of washing in the machine, - the family washing, not just my own - and do a bit of housework in my lunchtimes/between phonecalls on the days I was working at home. Most weekends I would do a load of the family ironing.

Now and then I might take my parents out for a meal, 2 or 3 times I bought them tickets for a London show and paid for a night in a hotel for them

I didn't do this because I'm a saint. I did it because
1. I recognised that I was being given a HUGE boost in my career, by having this roof over my head with no worries
2. having me back at home wasn't what my parents had expected, and I wanted them to know that I appreciated their support.

lifecanbetough4, aside from actually paying rent (which you should be doing), do you contribute to the family at all. Do you ever offer to clean the bathroom? Does your mum ever get home to find the carpets have been vacuumed, the house tidied? Do you ever help with household maintenance - cleaning out the guttering, weeding the garden, helping with decorating... that kind of thing?

When did you last give your mum some flowers? Or bring in a DVD they would like, just as a little treat? Or offer to cook them a meal (or buy a takeaway for them) ?

I'm guessing you come and go as you please, ignore them and what they are doing, disrupt the house bringing stock in and out and never THINK of saying thank you, or showing them any appreciation for the huge amount of help just having a roof over your head is.

(I have to say I worry about your comment about hardly using the washing machine - is your personal hygiene all it should be?)

If you want to be able stay until you are 25 - what is so magical about 25, I wonder- you want your parents to like having you around, do you see?

Lifecanbetough4 : If you want to be staying at your parents' home - you need to print out the above post by Easy, laminate it and keep it on your wall - and read it four times a day - AND FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS!

That's the way things could have worked - but you may have left it too late

And Easy ....well done ! Thank you!

aileth

So parents don't are about their children if they expect them to pay board when they're in the 20s?

I'd say the opposite was true. They're introducing them to the real world, where you have to pay for your keep and to live, rather than living in some fairy la-la world where everything is free. I'd say that shows more care.

krlyr

lifecanbetough4 wrote: »

so it seems what I feared was true, that parents don't give a sh it about their children once they reach mid twenties

Do you not care about your parents, and their happiness? Is it reasonable that they make every sacrifice, until you decide it's convenient to move out?

You're an adult, you're capable of supporting yourself, but you're choosing not to. I would say it's you not caring about your parent's feelings, despite reaching mid-twenties when you should be old enough to know better.

Mojisola

lifecanbetough4 wrote: »

if I was a parent, you must be joking if I even thought about charging my children rent whatever age they were

I really doubt that anyone who is so self-centred with regard to parents would be so generous when it came to their own children.

I hope this is a troll thread. If it isn't, I feel very sorry for the parents.