Ruined engagement surprise, what can we do ??

LannieDuck

I've always wondered what would happen if the bride's father says 'no'? Does the groom-to-be then say "oh, err... well I'm going to ask her anyway..."

lol

candygirl

LannieDuck wrote: »

I've always wondered what would happen if the bride's father says 'no'? Does the groom-to-be then say "oh, err... well I'm going to ask her anyway..."

lol

My Dad's face said "no", even though he wasn't actually asked either time:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

lostinrates

meritaten wrote: »

a bit OTT? Daniel did ask his mums help! as would my sons in the same situation I would think.

I really admire parents who help. But I also admire parents who when they want to help hold back, realising adult decisions are undertaken by adults and relationships are best steered by the ones IN the relationship not the ones outside it who love them.

Rowingirl

LannieDuck wrote: »

I've always wondered what would happen if the bride's father says 'no'? Does the groom-to-be then say "oh, err... well I'm going to ask her anyway..."

lol

My dad said he'd do this if any man asked him permission to marry his daughters as he saw it as an archaic tradition that undermined women's independence and integrity. Luckily DH declined to ask my dad for permission .

Any

I think if it was expensive ring, which I assume it was given the info on savings and job abroad, I would expect flawless service from the jewellers.
also surely they must kniw how to be discrete, given their line of business!!

I also think that asking for free ring is too much. I can imagine mysel getting my money back for such a screw up and make new arrangements. Perhaps where bride to be would pick one she wants herself.

These things make memories I think. They will have great story to tell their children. My OH didn't even pay for any of my diamonds, they all came from different part of his family and I just had it set in one ring (before being even asked, just once it was done it turned into engagement ring!!)
And I love telling people the history of it (it was in a cravat pin-great grandfather and these ones were earings-gret grandmother, but before they were blah blah). I obviously only tell if people are interested!!!:-))))

Any

Rowingirl wrote: »

My dad said he'd do this if any man asked him permission to marry his daughters as he saw it as an archaic tradition that undermined women's independence and integrity. Luckily DH declined to ask my dad for permission .

My mother said that in exchange for a bottle she will talk him out of it!!:eek:
:rotfl:

Dimey

I don't think the situation is as awful as you are saying MSE'ers.

I think Daniel asked the Father's permission out of respect and tradition. He wasn't seriously asking permission. Its just a nice courteous thing to do nowadays. Plenty of other lads do it. Nowadays its not exactly "ask" permission but tell the Father first as a nod to tradition.

Isn't it sweet that Daniel thought about making the proposal special for Michelle and involved the FIL & his Mum. Shame they kept it from their other halves but maybe they wanted to give them the gift of surprise too. Its nice to see Daniel made the effort and cared.

I guess Daniel asked his Mum to liaise with the shop for one of three reasons that I can think of....
One - He didn't get anywhere when he rang first so asked Mum because she is better at complaining than he is; or
Two - He didn't have time; or
Three - He was too angry and upset to talk without becoming emotional.

OP is keeping a little quiet in the face of criticism. I can't blame her but I'd like to think she would explain that she isn't an oppressive potential MIL and does normally leave her son to get on with his life.

lostinrates

Dimey wrote: »

I don't think the situation is as awful as you are saying MSE'ers.

I think Daniel asked the Father's permission out of respect and tradition. He wasn't seriously asking permission. Its just a nice courteous thing to do nowadays. Plenty of other lads do it. Nowadays its not exactly "ask" permission but tell the Father first as a nod to tradition.

Isn't it sweet that Daniel thought about making the proposal special for Michelle and involved the FIL & his Mum. Shame they kept it from their other halves but maybe they wanted to give them the gift of surprise too. Its nice to see Daniel made the effort and cared.

I guess Daniel asked his Mum to liaise with the shop for one of three reasons that I can think of....
One - He didn't get anywhere when he rang first so asked Mum because she is better at complaining than he is; or
Two - He didn't have time; or
Three - He was too angry and upset to talk without becoming emotional.

OP is keeping a little quiet in the face of criticism. I can't blame her but I'd like to think she would explain that she isn't an oppressive potential MIL and does normally leave her son to get on with his life.

I would agree with your first point IF the three of the, had not gone on to exercise control in the name of surprise creating subterfuge that was obviously too stressful for them to cope with so that when something went wrong, as things often do, someone, or more than one, overreacted significantly.

As an adult in a ten year relationship he had options. He could have turned to his gf and said, ' caught red handed' and turned it into a romantic comedy moment. Instead he ran to mum who made a fuss.

I'm sure they are all normal nice people, but these habits of behaviour creep up on all of us.....and what an opportunity this is t realise it before they are too ingrained, take stock and do our best to reform. These sorts of things are blessings for things like that. That's what I always think anyway, good ness knows I learn a lot about myself all the time to improve!

arbroath_lass

Dimey wrote: »

I think Daniel asked the Father's permission out of respect and tradition. He wasn't seriously asking permission. Its just a nice courteous thing to do nowadays. Plenty of other lads do it. Nowadays its not exactly "ask" permission but tell the Father first as a nod to tradition.

I don't think it is nice at all. I do think it is disrespectful to his intended bride. And, for gods' sakes don't get me started about "giving the bride away" :eek:.

anniec19

Dimey wrote: »

I don't think the situation is as awful as you are saying MSE'ers.

I think Daniel asked the Father's permission out of respect and tradition. He wasn't seriously asking permission. Its just a nice courteous thing to do nowadays. Plenty of other lads do it. Nowadays its not exactly "ask" permission but tell the Father first as a nod to tradition.

Isn't it sweet that Daniel thought about making the proposal special for Michelle and involved the FIL & his Mum. Shame they kept it from their other halves but maybe they wanted to give them the gift of surprise too. Its nice to see Daniel made the effort and cared.

I guess Daniel asked his Mum to liaise with the shop for one of three reasons that I can think of....
One - He didn't get anywhere when he rang first so asked Mum because she is better at complaining than he is; or
Two - He didn't have time; or
Three - He was too angry and upset to talk without becoming emotional.

OP is keeping a little quiet in the face of criticism. I can't blame her but I'd like to think she would explain that she isn't an oppressive potential MIL and does normally leave her son to get on with his life.

Thank you for that you're spot on. And yes Daniel thought it would be a nice surprise for her mum too. I have commented about how I realise I overreacted and apologised. I'm really sad for him that something he'd planned meticulously was, seemingly, disregarded and belittled by the shop. Anyway, onwards and upwards, refund on its way and hopefully they will laugh about this in years to come.