Ruined engagement surprise, what can we do ??

Dimey

anniec19 wrote: »

Thank you for that you're spot on. And yes Daniel thought it would be a nice surprise for her mum too. I have commented about how I realise I overreacted and apologised. I'm really sad for him that something he'd planned meticulously was, seemingly, disregarded and belittled by the shop. Anyway, onwards and upwards, refund on its way and hopefully they will laugh about this in years to come.

Oh has Daniel taken the ring back for a refund?
Good luck with whatever he & Michelle decide to do now.

Phew, I bet you'll be glad for a rest Anniec19 And yes, of course you'll all laugh about it in years to come. Happy times ahead.

Dimey

arbroath_lass wrote: »

I don't think it is nice at all. I do think it is disrespectful to his intended bride. And, for gods' sakes don't get me started about "giving the bride away" :eek:.

Actually come to think of it, most lads would ask the potential bride first and when she's accepted then he'd (or both would) go see the Father (or both parents).

I guess that's still not "feminist" enough for your taste Arbroath Lass. But probably what happens much of the time now.

As for "giving the bride away" - even the shortest registry office nuptials still have someone giving the bride away. I wonder whether its a legal thing not just traditional?

lostinrates

Dimey wrote: »

Actually come to think of it, most lads would ask the potential bride first and when she's accepted then he'd (or both would) go see the Father (or both parents).

I guess that's still not "feminist" enough for your taste Arbroath Lass. But probably what happens much of the time now.

As for "giving the bride away" - even the shortest registry office nuptials still have someone giving the bride away. I wonder whether its a legal thing not just traditional?

No, I wasn't given away.

DH and I went in together, holding hands, had an informal, legal ceremony, (no guests other than our two witnesses) and then left, holding hands, ). ( actually that's how I remember it, but now I'm wondering, maybe I followed him in...)
I have no problem with the traditions, even quite like them. Contextually I might have difficulty with some of them in the modern world, and I am far from feminist,

Dimey

lostinrates wrote: »

No, I wasn't given away.

DH and I went in together, holding hands, had an informal, legal ceremony, (no guests other than our two witnesses) and then left, holding hands, ). ( actually that's how I remember it, but now I'm wondering, maybe I followed him in...)
I have no problem with the traditions, even quite like them. Contextually I might have difficulty with some of them in the modern world, and I am far from feminist,

I was going to say that perhaps we should start afresh and write a modern ceremony relevant to todays values. But that was probably done when the law was passed for gay marriage. I haven't looked at the content/ wording of gay marriage vows but maybe it would be more appealing to non-traditionalists.

My own choice would be mid way between the two but you'd never get me down the aisle again!

Richard53

When I married the first time, my ex was an ardent feminist. We decided to get married, and I then went and had a chat with her father, along the lines of 'we've decided to do this, and we would like your approval'. To me it's a nice tradition and a matter of courtesy and respect for the older generation (of which I am now one, I suppose). No-one seriously thinks that a woman is her father's to 'give away' any longer, but sometimes it is nice to keep the old forms, while doing whatever you want to do anyway.

Gloomendoom

Dimey wrote: »

As for "giving the bride away" - even the shortest registry office nuptials still have someone giving the bride away. I wonder whether its a legal thing not just traditional?

It's not a legal thing. Speaking from personal experience, all you need is the bride, groom, two witnesses and a registrar.

mgdavid

get a grip, and get a life!

Savvy_Sue

anniec19 wrote: »

What do you guys think ??

I think that any lass who's stayed in a serious relationship for 10 years won't be surprised by a proposal, and had clearly sussed that something was going on.

But I just hope that he's prepared to invest as much in the relationship as in the mechanics of the proposal, and that he develops some resilience to life's problems.

DH reckons that a wedding is the worst possible start to married life: all that emotional energy invested into making a 'perfect' day, when everyone's idea of perfect is different, so someone's bound to be unhappy (in my case, my mother ...) If something goes wrong, you can either focus on how your Big Day is 'ruined', or you can get on with married life and hope to be able to laugh about it later.

Same applies to this 'problem'.

mystery_girl

anniec19 wrote: »

This happened earlier this week. The managing director emailed me to say he was sorry that this had happened and only offered a discount on their wedding rings. I told him (via email as he did not even have the courtesy to call me or Daniel to apologise), that we expected nothing less that the ring for free and that we considered that we were being generous by accepting this as it would still not have rectified the fact that @@@@ have informed Michelle that Daniel would be proposing to her. I am shocked that he would think Daniel would want to spend any more money in their store.

To be honest. I am not sure why, if Daniel wanted it kept a secret and his Father-in-law was collecting the ring why the store was not give his number. It seems to me that you had a responsibility to ensure on your part that the store did not have a number which Michelle could answer.
A busy Jeweler whose reputation according to yourself is good would be pretty busy. It would be difficult for all staff to remember or even keep reading notes for every ring ordered.

I think you should accept the apology and be thankful that they will still enjoy their engagement party. Accept the discount on wedding ring and have a laugh about it. Look on the bright side... she could have said NO in a room full of crowded people and then you would have wished this to happen.

If you make less of the matter I am sure they will eventually see the funny side of it. Besides how did she know the ring was for her?
It could have been a ring for you...

cheepskate_2

We evendiscussed that Michelle’s Dad would collect the ring so that there would be no need for Daniel to make excuses as to where he was going, potentially arousing Michelle’s suspicions so close to the date of the proposal.(quote)



"Make excuses to go out- Arousing suspicion " Seems to me, a very unhealthy relationship .