Ruined engagement surprise, what can we do ??

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Although young men still do it. It's a tradition, like getting down on one knee. My friend's daughter's boyfriend asked her father for her hand even though they had been dating for ten years and living together for five years. They are getting married next year.

It's archaic, it's not a 'nice' tradition at all. It comes from the time when it really was the father's decision because she was his property, and when the groom might even have to cough up a dowry and pay to get ownership transferred.

I've no idea why that's a tradition anyone think is worth preserving!

easy

Tropez wrote: »

My partner proposed to me but I still decided to get her an engagement ring as a surprise. It was quite easy. I pinched one of her other rings and took that to the jewelers so they knew her size, then I returned the ring to it's usual spot all during the space she was at work so she wouldn't know. The jewelers told me that's what most men do.

So do other women wear rings on their engagement finger even when they are not engaged, and it's one of those you pinched?

Or am I unique, in that the fingers on my left hand aren't exactly the same as those on my right (just to clarify- they aren't hugely different -I'm not a complete freak- but could be 1/2 or a size different).

I'm really pleased that DH proposed, and then took me to choose a ring we both liked. We had a code between us, as I didn't know how much he had budgeted. If he said "Hmm, I'm not sure I like the colour", then I would know it was more than he could afford. As it turned out, he didn't have to use the phrase at all (I'm not a greedy girl ) but 21 years on, it's still a phrase we use if we're shopping for something together and one of us thinks it's too expensive !

[Deleted User]

Person_one wrote: »

It's archaic, it's not a 'nice' tradition at all. It comes from the time when it really was the father's decision because she was his property, and when the groom might even have to cough up a dowry and pay to get ownership transferred.

I've no idea why that's a tradition anyone think is worth preserving!

It's as much a tradition as anything else in a 'traditional' wedding.

Traditions, traditions. Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as... as... as a fiddler on the roof!

I'd rather consider it 'asking his blessing' rather than permission

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Feminist isn't a dirty word you know!

Of course it isn't, but doesn't mean I have to be one. After some short time thinking about it I have decided I am a personist.

JimmyTheWig

benb76 wrote: »

Appearing on Don't Tell the Bride would mean Danny boy and one of his mates having to arrange the wedding themselves.

Someone contact the researchers - that could be TV Gold!

Couldn't he get his mum to help rather than a friend?

Errata

Asking the father for permission to marry his daughter is a bit pointless as he can't prevent them from marrying.

Mojisola

Errata wrote: »

Asking the father for permission to marry his daughter is a bit pointless as he can't prevent them from marrying.

Exactly - what would the couple do if the father said no?

Tropez

easy wrote: »

So do other women wear rings on their engagement finger even when they are not engaged, and it's one of those you pinched?

Well I can't comment on how unique or freakish your hands are but OH never wore rings on any finger but her ring fingers and as until a few months ago she was dead set on not getting married I don't think she paid too much attention to reserving her engagement ring finger.

But like I said, the jeweler said that most (and she did use the word most) men borrow a partner's ring to get it done on the quiet. I can't really speak for whether other women wear rings on their engagement ring finger or whether they all have symmetrical hands because I've never paid any attention. It just struck me from personal experience that it is possible to get it done without arousing suspicion.

Just don't hum the Mission Impossible theme at any point while you're doing it. You'll probably get some strange looks and it might give the game away if in ear shot of the lady.

Tropez

Mojisola wrote: »

Exactly - what would the couple do if the father said no?

Well in days of old when the father did have some sort of power to stop a wedding, if he chose to exercise that power it was common for him to have some sort of "hunting accident".

Person_one

ringo_24601 wrote: »

It's as much a tradition as anything else in a 'traditional' wedding.


I'd rather consider it 'asking his blessing' rather than permission

Well, it's true that traditional wedding ceremonies aren't exactly a feminist dream, but you'll notice that no women say 'obey' anymore, so things can change.

Why would an adult woman need her father's blessing? Did you ask for her mother's blessing too? I love my parents, but it's been a long time since they had any say over big life decisions!