Ruined engagement surprise, what can we do ??

Person_one

lostinrates wrote: »

Of course it isn't, but doesn't mean I have to be one. After some short time thinking about it I have decided I am a personist.

Ok, but that doesn't really mean anything.

Feminists are people (men and women) who believe in equality abd equity between the genders, that's all. It's not a coven of man haters, don't believe the myths!

Mojisola

Tropez wrote: »

Well in days of old when the father did have some sort of power to stop a wedding, if he chose to exercise that power it was common for him to have some sort of "hunting accident".

That's if the prospective groom couldn't be bought off or likewise have an "accident". Oh, the good old days! :rotfl:

Tropez

Mojisola wrote: »

That's if the prospective groom couldn't be bought off or likewise have an "accident". Oh, the good old days! :rotfl:

Ah, simpler times.

SmallL

My OH proposed to me earlier this year (Were both 21) and he asked the blessing of my parents before we went on holiday where he planned to propose by taking me to the beach at dawn with the ruse to *photograph* us on the 'timer' function (when it was really set to video).

He presented me with a token silver and cubic zirconia/lab sapphire ring. I later designed/choose my 'real' ring from etsy.

He knew i would have hated a proposal with other people around, just the two of us at sunrise was perfect.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Ok, but that doesn't really mean anything.

Feminists are people (men and women) who believe in equality abd equity between the genders, that's all. It's not a coven of man haters, don't believe the myths!

My smil is a well known leading feminist and so is my fil (and my dh's mother was too). My bil is an academic whose particular area of interest draws a lot on this area. My mother and grandmother were just normal feminists (my mother also no longer identifies much with femisism interestingly, but in a very different way from the way i don't) and I have read a lot of feminist literature. One can be educated and agree to disagree ( on some points). In fact, I'd hate a world where it were otherwise personally.

I really am familiar with the movement. and many of its most well known public faces. I just don't personally resonate with it I'm afraid. Context is important, vital, to me, in language and society. This things like traditions cause me no offence (and indeed i like their charm and like that they please those who employ them) until contextualised in certain situations.

I dislike it when people use equality to try make the different choices of other unequal, whether its traditional roles, words, relationships. But I would fight for the right for them to do so.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Well, it's true that traditional wedding ceremonies aren't exactly a feminist dream, but you'll notice that no women say 'obey' anymore, so things can change.
!

Hmm, interesting. Would you deny the opportunity for someone in a relationship to 'consensually obey'?

[Deleted User]

Person_one wrote: »

Well, it's true that traditional wedding ceremonies aren't exactly a feminist dream, but you'll notice that no women say 'obey' anymore, so things can change.

Why would an adult woman need her father's blessing? Did you ask for her mother's blessing too? I love my parents, but it's been a long time since they had any say over big life decisions!

Well he was the one who was going to pay for it, so it's usually nice to ask before someone starts shelling out a lot of money for you

Savvy_Sue

mystery_girl wrote: »

If you make less of the matter I am sure they will eventually see the funny side of it. Besides how did she know the ring was for her?
It could have been a ring for you...

I'm not sure many men buy rings for their mothers. Good job it was for M though, and not another woman. :rotfl:

BTW I have two colleagues I would normally describe as feminist, whose boyfriends spoke to Father before proposing, and neither was offended by this.

I'm sure DH would have done the same if he hadn't known that my mother would tell my father to say no ... not that we'd have taken any notice! I got my dad to walk me down the aisle, but we left the 'giving away' words out of the ceremony.

Person_one

lostinrates wrote: »

Hmm, interesting. Would you deny the opportunity for someone in a relationship to 'consensually obey'?

Following your long post, I don't think you actually are interested.

Of course I would have no desire to interfere in other people's non abusive relationship. It's telling though that when they have a true and free choice very few women actually choose the subservience that used to be a given.

Person_one

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Well he was the one who was going to pay for it, so it's usually nice to ask before someone starts shelling out a lot of money for you

Well that's really a different issue! It's also a long time since my parents paid for any parties I wanted to have!