Ruined engagement surprise, what can we do ??

SmallL

aileth wrote: »

A lot of the time it's not even having to tell others how much it cost, it's 'mine is bigger than yours.' One of our friends got engaged about a week after us and her ring was about triple the size (her fiance went with mine to get the ring, saw what he'd got and basically needed to outdo him), and she went on and on about how big it was.

She found out a short while later that the ring was huge because it was a cubic zirconia. I thinks she took it to a jewellers to check the carat for more bragging rights if memory serves.

The engagement didn't last.

I don't even like the traditional trend for diamonds, to me they are quite plain.
On my fingers (A wee G size) my ring with a lab grown 1ct alexandrite looks huge! I really wanted a sapphire to begin with but then came across alexandrite, could never afford a good looking natural one so decided on a lovely lab grown one!
Engagements and wedding are a very personal thing

Soleil_lune

aileth wrote: »

A lot of the time it's not even having to tell others how much it cost, it's 'mine is bigger than yours.' One of our friends got engaged about a week after us and her ring was about triple the size (her fiance went with mine to get the ring, saw what he'd got and basically needed to outdo him), and she went on and on about how big it was.

She found out a short while later that the ring was huge because it was a cubic zirconia. I thinks she took it to a jewellers to check the carat for more bragging rights if memory serves.

The engagement didn't last.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Nice one!

SmallL

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What sort of problems? My wife has no problems wearing her wedding ring. She likes wearing it and it has a practical purpose as well as being decorative. On the other hand (:p), my wedding ring gives me all sorts of problems so I rarely, if ever, wear it.

I actually see my wedding ring (When in the future I get one) causing massive practical problems as my fingers are small and short there is little room for another ring.
Furthermore I chose quite a wide-set engagement ring!
To be honest I'l probably just wear the wedding ring on another finger

**professor~yaffle**

Person_one wrote: »

I always find it sad when women belittle and mock feminism and feminists, as if they have no idea how much they've benefitted from it and how much still needs to change.

Personally, I'm really turned off by feminism. I think feminism has done as much harm as it has good. Some women also like to play the sexism card when it's totally uncalled-for

But that's of course taking the thread completely off-topic.

lostinrates

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Agree. I think some parts of feminism has worked against women, and sometimes women are made to feel silly or moronic by ardent feminists if they like tradition and dare to want to be a stay at home mum, and have men do certain things for them.....

And although I hate this fancy schmantzey OTT bulls**t when it comes to big showy proposals and I think spending £20K on a wedding is stupid, I still like the idea of marriage and romance.

Tbc I think its worked for society, but been hard for some PEOPLE (partnerships should ideally make those decisions not just the women or the men, though its perfectly natural peoe will look for partners with shared values) and their choices and that emphasis needs to shift, sometimes to the point of radical reform. Just like we needed a movement of female forward equality, I now thing we need to have cohesive drives of equality rather than subdivided ones.

I support equality, and the right to make choices I don't want and I also love 'la difference'.

I find the traditions here...asking the father etc charming, but they would have been inappropriate for me in OUR context, and DH knew me well enough not to employ them. Different situation, I might well have felt differently. .

aileth

SmallL wrote: »

I don't even like the traditional trend for diamonds, to me they are quite plain.
On my fingers (A wee G size) my ring with a lab grown 1ct alexandrite looks huge! I really wanted a sapphire to begin with but then came across alexandrite, could never afford a good looking natural one so decided on a lovely lab grown one!
Engagements and wedding are a very personal thing

I agree, I actually really like the ideas of having stones other than diamonds in rings. To me it feels more personal and specific rather than following the sheep with a diamond (says that sat here with a diamond ring...)

Person_one

Gloomendoom wrote: »

What sort of problems? My wife has no problems wearing her wedding ring. She likes wearing it and it has a practical purpose as well as being decorative. On the other hand (:p), my wedding ring gives me all sorts of problems so I rarely, if ever, wear it.

Yeah, that's a pretty common story.

It's like surnames, it's incredible how many women have names that are so terrible sounding, or so difficult to spell and pronounce that they just have to take their husbands. No men seem to have that issue...

Tropez

aileth wrote: »

I agree, I actually really like the ideas of having stones other than diamonds in rings. To me it feels more personal and specific rather than following the sheep with a diamond (says that sat here with a diamond ring...)

My OH loves sapphires, so I got her one with sapphires on it. There's still a few diamonds but the sapphires are more prominent.

arbroath_lass

Dimey wrote: »

Actually come to think of it, most lads would ask the potential bride first and when she's accepted then he'd (or both would) go see the Father (or both parents).

I guess that's still not "feminist" enough for your taste Arbroath Lass. But probably what happens much of the time now.

As for "giving the bride away" - even the shortest registry office nuptials still have someone giving the bride away. I wonder whether its a legal thing not just traditional?

I don't think it is "feminist" (not sure what that means really). All I want is to be treated as an equal. I do accept that people are all good/bad at different things but we are still all equal.

I married in a registry office and I didn't have anyone give me away.

arbroath_lass

CC-Warrior wrote: »

Surely it's traditional to wear white, and not have sex before the wedding night.

I think they are both "makey-up" Victorian traditons :rotfl: