Ruined engagement surprise, what can we do ??

Person_one

ringo_24601 wrote: »

We never wrote the rulebook

Did you know that the wedding ring symbolises the purchase of the bride with a precious metal?

I don't like the engagement ring tradition at all, wedding rings are less problematic if both parties wear one.

Soleil_lune

aileth wrote: »

What is with all these fancy-schmancy proposals.

Nothing wrong with a good old car park.

:rotfl: Behave yourself!

Seriously, I agree: have a romantic proposal by all means: but a massive showy one (especially in front of a crowd! :eek:) makes me cringe. I would never have forgiven my OH if he had done that to me.

Re; engagement rings: nothing wrong with them or being 'engaged;' it's just the multiple 1000s that people spend on them that irks me, and the fact that they HAVE to tell everyone how much it cost.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

I always find it sad when women belittle and mock feminism and feminists, as if they have no idea how much they've benefitted from it and how much still needs to change.

Who is mocking? I've said I don't identify ...I haven't mocked.

I absolutely agree, feminist did a lot for society for good. I also think there are times they haven't helped women who want to make traditional choices (not necessarily all choices I want to make ) and I think we need more support for both young men and young women in a world where we are increasingly equal. (And continued ticking off where it goes wrong, such as inappropriacy in work places and pay and equality. I think the impact on the change across society, including men, is vast and underrated.

I personally have not felt impacted negatively often by my sex. but rather positively more often. That's hugely in part to feminism in the past. Where I have felt negatively impacted its some times been because of current impact of feminism. That doesn't mean I don't think its valid or worthwhile or appropriate or even important.

Why personism rather than feminism might me the more interesting route of where we diverge and agree. (Maybe this should be another thread....its a long way from engagement rings....I think that might be my fault.)

Gloomendoom

Person_one wrote: »

Well that's really a different issue! It's also a long time since my parents paid for any parties I wanted to have!

My parents and my wife's parent's were very happy to contribute towards our wedding, as were most other members of our families in one way or another.

Weddings are family celebrations. At least, that is they way we view them.

Tropez

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Re; engagement rings: nothing wrong with them or being 'engaged;' it's just the multiple 1000s that people spend on them that irks me, and the fact that they HAVE to tell everyone how much it cost.

I don't see anything wrong with spending thousands on a ring if you can afford to do so; nothing to be irked about at least.

I do agree those who brag about the cost of a ring are a bit of a nuisance.

aileth

Soleil_lune wrote: »

:rotfl: Behave yourself!

Seriously, I agree: have a romantic proposal by all means: but a massive showy one (especially in front of a crowd! :eek:) makes me cringe. I would never have forgiven my OH if he had done that to me.

Re; engagement rings: nothing wrong with them or being 'engaged;' it's just the multiple 1000s that people spend on them that irks me, and the fact that they HAVE to tell everyone how much it cost.

A lot of the time it's not even having to tell others how much it cost, it's 'mine is bigger than yours.' One of our friends got engaged about a week after us and her ring was about triple the size (her fiance went with mine to get the ring, saw what he'd got and basically needed to outdo him), and she went on and on about how big it was.

She found out a short while later that the ring was huge because it was a cubic zirconia. I thinks she took it to a jewellers to check the carat for more bragging rights if memory serves.

The engagement didn't last.

Person_one

Gloomendoom wrote: »

My parents and my wife's parent's were very happy to contribute towards our wedding, as were most other members of our families in one way or another.

Weddings are family celebrations. At least, that is they way we view them.

It's lovely when parents choose to contribute, but it shouldn't be assumed before its offered of course.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

I don't like the engagement ring tradition at all, wedding rings are less problematic if both parties wear one.

DH wears his more often than I wear mine. I take it off and forget to put it back on, plus my hands swell and shrink.....

(I have it on now though).


He lost my engagement ring putting it somewhere safe, and we've each lost wedding rings.:o. We've got better though.

Soleil_lune

lostinrates wrote: »

Who is mocking? I've said I don't identify ...I haven't mocked.

I absolutely agree, feminist did a lot for society for good. I also think there are times they haven't helped women who want to make traditional choices (not necessarily all choices I want to make ) and I think we need more support for both young men and young women in a world where we are increasingly equal. (And continued ticking off where it goes wrong, such as inappropriacy in work places and pay and equality. I think the impact on the change across society, including men, is vast and underrated.

I personally have not felt impacted negatively often by my sex. but rather positively more often. That's hugely in part to feminism in the past. Where I have felt negatively impacted its some times been because of current impact of feminism. That doesn't mean I don't think its valid or worthwhile or appropriate or even important.

Why personism rather than feminism might me the more interesting route of where we diverge and agree. (Maybe this should be another thread....its a long way from engagement rings....I think that might be my fault.)

Agree. I think some parts of feminism has worked against women, and sometimes women are made to feel silly or moronic by ardent feminists if they like tradition and dare to want to be a stay at home mum, and have men do certain things for them.....

And although I hate this fancy schmantzey OTT bulls**t when it comes to big showy proposals and I think spending £20K on a wedding is stupid, I still like the idea of marriage and romance.

Gloomendoom

Person_one wrote: »

I don't like the engagement ring tradition at all, wedding rings are less problematic if both parties wear one.

What sort of problems? My wife has no problems wearing her wedding ring. She likes wearing it and it has a practical purpose as well as being decorative. On the other hand (:p), my wedding ring gives me all sorts of problems so I rarely, if ever, wear it.