12-24 weeks pregnant (part2)

mysecretalias

I'm 15 weeks and 4 days today and some outfits I wear I just look like I've put on a bit around the belly, whereas other outfits I look like I've got a full blown pregnant belly! So it's quite easy for me to hide it if I wanted to. Frankly now I don't care I just let it all hang out (not literally of course hehe) and I've been mentioning it loudly to people in the kitchen at work just so word doesn't spread round that I've got a bit fat lol!!!

I've always had body confidence issues though so that's why I'm a bit paranoid, and not liking this stage where it does just look like I've got a bit fat, cos I would hate for people to think that, before I got pregnant I was a size 6, in the gym 6/7 nights a week and had guns and the start of a six pack going on, had a strict protein shake diet going on as well!!! Ironic really as I had just decided I was going to get myself real muscly and fit and I can't do that now!!

lushlifesaver

Mysecretalias she sounds a bit like bf's mum; she has been much more involved with our pregnancy that bf's brothers two! She hasn't invited herself to our nhs scans but she did book us a private early gender scan cost she just couldn't wait the extra 3 weeks to find out!
I didn't mind too much but did feel awkward! I mean, she's lovely and all but it's weird enough for me having a scan never mind with others there haha! In the end I didn't mind too much as I just blocked everyone else out apart from bf and private sonograohers voice and used it as a great chance to spend extra time looking at baby!

Felt a bit bad that my own parents couldn't come but then they are more fussed for time with baby once she is here and they can hold her and take pics and generally be awesome grandparents!

I've had a frustrating night, first of all i check my bank balance and it was less than i wanted it to be then dad annoyed my on the phone and then bf is I'll and doesn't want me to catch it so will just give me little hugs not cuddles but I'm tired and a hey and just want a snuggle. Bah. Flipping hormones.
Bf bought me a maternity top today though from th. mother care outlet which is cute and he managed to get the right size and everything!

mrshappy

mysecretalias wrote: »

Mrshappy I posted that exact same link in this thread yesterday my friend brought us the book and it's beautiful x

I knew I had seen the link somewhere! Thanks-I had been looking for the book as I wanted them both to be the same, even with a 17 year age gap

That's a bit of a tricky one with your MIL, not sure what I would do. My mum came to one of my scans as hubby was working, but we had already had an early one and one at booking, both of which hubby were at, then the dating one a week later which is the one I took mum to. I had one on my own this week, as a wee sneaky extra through a work colleague. I don't know how I would feel about an in law, it depends on your relationship with her, could you and hubby go in on your own for the majority of it and she could just be called in towards the end for a quick look?

claire16c

Msa I think if you don't want her there, your OH should explain that the 20 week scan is an anomaly scan. It's a medical look to check the baby is ok. It's not a laugh. Yes it's amazing if all is well but it's also quite nerve wracking, it's not something I'd really want an audience for! And if it is that your OHs dad thought it up, putting it like that might help get it across, that it's not really got anything to do with 'involving' people.

Maybe he's just being naive & thinks the scan is just ooh let's have a look at the baby type thing?

And the scan is quite low so I wouldn't want to be rolling my knickers down a bit in front of the in laws thanks very much!

neverdespairgirl

mysecretalias wrote: »

Well I was flabbergasted, thought it was very rude, and also said he would have to speak to my OH because when I suggested to my OH that my brother come, my OH was mortified at the prospect that it wouldn't just be the two of us.

What are others thoughts on this? Is it just me who thinks my OH's mum basically inviting herself to our scan via her husband is a little but rude?

It all depends on family dynamics, of course - but my mother came to my 20 week scan with Isaac, and had to wipe away a tear at the sight of her future grandchild bouncing around on the screen, and it was lovely to share the moment with her as well as OH. I'm extremely glad she did come, to be honest.

marywooyeah

Mysec it sounds like your mil wants to come so got fil to mention it to you to test the water rather than doing it herself in case you knocked her back. People who get others to do their dirty work for them are bad news in my experience and if it were me I would be distancing myself because the more involved you let her be the more she'll want.


Me and mil dont speak; basic lowdown is she is very two faced, poor me type of person who has ruined the key events in our life such as our sons blessing and our wedding, and we nearly didn't get marrued because of her. When we were going to divorce, his family was a very major factor and the last straw was when my husband cousin's wife sent me a fb message saying his mum was coming round their house and we were constantly making her upset. I'm not sure how us bending over backwards to make her happy, taking her out to events and meals and footing the bill made her upset but hey ho.

Since I've been pregnant she's been posting on my fb photos and its obvious shes trying to worm her way back in because theres a new baby coming. I dont want her to be involved at all but whenever the subject of his mum comes up it inevitably ends with him peed off and me in tears. I really dont want her coming back into our lives but not sure what to do


Ixs anyone else having mil problems? Xx

mysecretalias

Thanks all for your views. I confided in OH as soon as I picked him up from the station and he was just as flabbergasted as I was TBH. He isn't very happy and he said the same as you claire16c - it could potentially be the most devastating day of our lives if something has gone wrong, it's not like it's a big laugh.

So I'm glad he has the same view as me, even stronger really, and when his dad talks to him about it he's going to make it extremely clear that it's not going to happen, that these moments are for us and us alone unless we choose to involve others which we don't want to. He was also very annoyed that his mum is throwing a tantrum about being involved not least because we live with them so they get to see us and ask us about stuff every day (as well as being the first to see every photo, every hospital letter etc) and also we've asked his mum on at least one occasion to come shopping with us to baby shops and she's declined because she's 'too busy' (when in actual fact she hasn't been)

So it's all very strange. I get totally that this is new for them as it is for us, but it's somewhat bizarre that they aren't letting us get on with this for ourselves, it being the amazing thing we are doing together, and taking our lead on how much we want to involve them in stuff. I've not really got much to go on, never really having proper parents of my own and coming from a slightly dysfunctional family, but this is how good parenting is supposed to work surely? I would be mortified if when my children are grown up and they start having babies of their own, they feel like I am being too intrusive and feel stressed with me putting too much pressure on them to constantly tell them what's going on?

The other thing is they are shooting themselves in the foot a bit because by making such a fuss and throwing tantrums about stuff when I'm little more than 4 months pregnant, we are hardly going to be keen to involve them in future events as we maybe would have been, if they had been relaxed and let us have our space to create our own little family and go on this journey as a couple, and simply let us approach them to invite them to be involved?

I'm probably just being very naive, but this is how I hoped it would work. I don't know if it's worse because we live with them so we have started the pattern of being there all the time for them to 'access'. I also wonder whether all of this will get better or worse once we find a place of our own to move into next year......

mysecretalias

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

It all depends on family dynamics, of course - but my mother came to my 20 week scan with Isaac, and had to wipe away a tear at the sight of her future grandchild bouncing around on the screen, and it was lovely to share the moment with her as well as OH. I'm extremely glad she did come, to be honest.

That sounds like a lovely moment Neverdespairgirl and it's great that you shared that. Though I'm sure if you had chosen to have it be just you and OH she would have respected that and not held it against you? This I feel isn't the situation I'm in - in fact I'm dreading the fallout of my OH's conversation with his dad about this.

mysecretalias

Marywooyeah sorry to hear you're having so many issues. Tbh I don't feel I am at the stage where I need to start distancing myself from my MIL (we aren't actually married but it's so much easier to say than OH's mum every time lol) but I definitely need to keep an eye on the situation.

It also makes it a lot harder to cope with because I've always come from a family who honestly couldn't give two hoots about me and I ended up disowning them as a result so I've gone from one extreme to the other in a rather short space of time. FIL comes into the kitchen and puts an arm around me in a kind of 'whatcha doing' sort of way and I'm sure this is normal family behaviour but it makes me jump every time because I'm really not comfortable with it. But whenever I try to explain that I come from a different upbringing to my OH so I am wired differently they just adopt this 'oh that's the past just get over it you're out of it now' attitude and even my OH has stood up for me before and said 'it's not as easy as that'

I'm just scared that as soon as baby is born they will get even worse and start believing that it's their god given right to see baby whenever they want and take it places whenever etc, they have already mentioned oh when we take the baby to Croatia (where they have friends) and I'm like hang on who on earth said anything about you taking our baby on holiday?! They also sort of announced that they thought it would be a good idea for FIL to go part time at work to look after the baby 3 days a week - when we've not even so much as talked between OH and I yet about what we will do about childcare. But it's difficult to tell whether they half say it joking/testing the water or whether they are actually serious. Thankfully OH is on side, but I can see it starting to cause issues between us if it gets months down the line and his parents start putting daily pressure on him to see more of us etc etc.

Thankfully though I spoke to OH tonight about finding a house ASAP in the new year and he agreed and also said when we move out we will be seeing mil and fil once a week max! I think this will work also as long as we make this very clear from the start as well as making clear that along with everyone else, they should phone before they come over. This is partly why I want to move somewhere a bit further away than originally planned. (originally within 10 minutes drive, now thinking more like 20 minutes drive i.e somewhere that's just that little bit too far to 'nip round')

mysecretalias

becsxxx wrote: »

in other exciting news, I am a long time lurker on the competitions board and go through periods of activity, and have JUST had an email from Graco to say I've won this in their advent competition:
http://www.kiddicare.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/productdisplay0_10751_-1_266056_10001

woooopeeeee!!!! suitable from birth it says so really really hoping we like it. if not, I'll sell it on and put towards a different one

In all my ranting becs I missed this, sorry. Wow that's blooming awesome :T - I am jealous I've entered loads of baby comps and not won any!! And yeah you can always sell it if you decide not to get it - also with most competitions don't they usually say 'or cash alternative' so maybe you could ask for cash equivalent instead?