We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.

This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

Two plus two equals five (I hope)

New username for obvious reasons...

I'm hoping I'm wrong but could do with some fresh sets of eyes on this.

My wife and I have been married for 10 years, have 3 wonderful kids and (I think) have a good family life. Things have been pretty stagnant in the bedroom department for the last few years though, mainly because my wife doesn't like the figure she's been left with after 3 kids. I still think she's sexy and tell her regularly but she's not usually interested in hearing it. My luck hasn't really been in since our 2nd child was born around 5 years ago and I'm quite pleased to actually get any attention from her at all these days!

Then last week things seemed to have changed for the better. For a few nights on the trot she'd drag me to bed every night. Good stuff I hear you cry!

I'd normally agree, but it's very unlike her. Also, she's spent the 10 years we've been married plus the few years before that being absolutely 100% predictable in bed. Last week she did a few things very differently (which I obviously won't go into), not that I was complaining, but it was massively out of character for her. Any time I've suggested anything different since I've known her she's objected. For her to do things very differently to normal was great from my point of view but it's so unlike her.

Which got me thinking. Probably not a good thing!

I've also noticed that in the last couple of weeks she's taken to hiding her phone all the time. Like literally all the time. She used to leave it lying around all over the place. Now it's glued to her 24/7 and she's even taken to charging it next to her in the bedroom when she goes upstairs to sleep. When she wakes up she unplugs it and carries it around with her, and it doesn't leave her side till she puts it back on charge before she goes to sleep. She's also being very secretive trying to angle the screen away from me when she's on her phone. Again, this is very out of character for her.

I'm sure there's likely to be an entirely reasonable explanation for ALL of this. I just can't come up with one.

She's off work two days a week while I'm at work so I suppose there could be an opportunity there for her to 'play away' but I don't think she'd do it. She's got our 2 year old daughter to look after...surely she wouldn't...

So what do you think? Am I sounding as rediculous as I think I am?!
«13456711

Comments

  • tinkerbell28
    tinkerbell28 Posts: 2,720 Forumite
    I'd say it was an affair, classic signs all over the show.

    But then she may have just had a personality transplant.
  • 19lottie82
    19lottie82 Posts: 6,032 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ask if you can use her phone, see how she reacts.
  • DKLS
    DKLS Posts: 13,461 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Perhaps come home early one of the days she is off work.
  • I don't think you are being ridiculous. These are fairly classic signs and I would know, unfortunately. Has she been making a bit more of an effort with her appearance lately as well?
  • fake_smile
    fake_smile Posts: 155 Forumite
    Maybe she is very aware of the lack of attention she has been giving you and is getting tips off friends, hence hiding the phone and change in bedroom activity. Surely if she was having an affair then she would be even more reluctant to go near you?
  • Hmmmm. I was hoping I was just being paranoid but maybe there's some substance to it.

    I'm determined to rumble her on the phone front at the very least. She doesn't know how to use her iPhone very well, whereas I do, and I'll soon find out what she's been up to (unless it's been by text, which I'll have to be more sneaky about finding out).

    I need to have some actual evidence before I say anything to her. I jokingly said to her the last time we were in bed together that I was impressed with her newfound 'technique' and wondered who she'd learnt it off. She just laughed and said if I didn't like it she wouldn't do it again.

    I've got a horrible gut feeling about all of this now. I really hope I'm wrong...
  • Maybe she's just getting enough sleep and is feeling a bit better about herself, plus wanting you to be happy and starting to see herself as more than just somebody's mum again?

    Talk to her, don't make her feel like a tart or that you don't trust her; that could batter her confidence completely.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • *max*
    *max* Posts: 3,208 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Two explanations I can think of just now as being the most obvious:

    1/ She's getting advice from friends (or whoever...family, therapist...) and has decided to do something about your lack of intimacy and rekindle the flame.

    2/ She's met someone else (not necessarily had an affair...yet), and she's making a massive effort with you to assuage her guilt.

    Only you can find out what it is, by talking to her. Don't go sneaking round her phone. Ask her! you've been married long enough for there to be no need for spying games.
  • Money_maker
    Money_maker Posts: 5,471 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I don't think its an affair, not if she's all over you. What's she reading these days?
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed. ;)

    If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'

    Declutterers of the world - unite! :rotfl::rotfl:
  • I don't think she would be all over you if it was an affair.

    However, she may be trying to cover up for guilt. Certainly seems very strange out of character behaviour.

    Ask her directly, if you sneak about and are caught and she is not guilty, you will have a problem.

    Oh and good luck!
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 454.2K Spending & Discounts
  • 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177.4K Life & Family
  • 258.9K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.