do i invite my brother or not?

Takeaway_Addict

Person_one wrote: »

The groom wanted her, and the age means she wasn't as big an imposition or cost as an adult.

One poster said it was a big imposition on the last few hours before marriage.

Kynthia

loopyloouk wrote: »

I would like to apologies if you feel that i overstepped the mark in the run up to your wedding day in relation to the comment made, i did feel incredibly hurt that you would say that you did not want '''''' to be bridesmaid in front of her.

Am I the only one that doesn't think it's a well worded email. It hardly reads like an apology to me as you don't say that you feel you overstepped the mark, you don't say what you did wrong, and yet you've clearly mentioned what you think she did wrong. I'm sorry but i'd read that as you paying lip service to apologising when actually you don't feel you were wrong but still think that she was and couldn't help but remind them of that. You really haven't been the bigger person here and if I was the SIL it would make me mad to receive that message as you've almost initiated the argument again.

coolcait

loopyloouk wrote: »

....my LO was so excited in trying her dress on and parading up and down in the bridal shop her little face was a picture ...

Given all that LO excitement, why would you, as her mother, put a damper on it all by putting a veto on the hairstyle?

I don't think this is anywhere near as simple as 'bridezilla SIL' v 'poor OP'.

Strapped

tea_lover wrote: »

When I got married my OH's sister was 9, and it was made very clear to me by MIL that she WOULD be a bridesmaid. I knew my OH would like this so I agreed, obviously. However, it did mean that the time getting ready (which should have been my mum, sister and me) wasn't the way I thought it would be, as we also had a little girl to look after who none of us really knew.

It didn't help that MIL also kicked off about the dress and hair (there's definite similarities here!).

Those last few hours at home were supposed to be a special time for me and my sister, but instead we were looking after someone else's child, knowing that whatever we did to her hair was going to be moaned about.

FWIW, I had no problem at all with OH's sister, I just didn't know her and hadn't ever anticipated having anyone other than my sister and mum with me when we were getting ready.

Just to offer another perspective there.

^This. My SIL tried to foist her two kids on me as bridesmaids, when I had only ever envisaged having my sister and best friend. (And what made it worse was that his first wife had had the other SIL's daughter as bridesmaid, so SIL #2 felt it was her kids' "turn" lol). But I knew I didn't want the responsibility on my wedding day of looking after someone else's kids and made it clear they would not be bridesmaids. It caused a bit of bad feeling at the time, but much better to let them down from the start than let people start assuming things.

I agree with everyone who said, if you genuinely want to patch things up, then invite them. But, tbh, the OP doesn't really read as though you do. In which case, don't.

stormbreaker

Did they come? me being nosey!

loopyloouk

No hun they didn't. Infact they didn't reply, I did book two spaces for them incase but no show im afraid.
They did speak about it with my mom and said they felt to awkward being around myself and my daughter after everything, apparently she started crying to my mom that she was sorry for being cruel to my lo (her words). I really dont feel any upset about it now i think its not worth arguing over and just want to be hapoy, lifes to short for dramas.
They sent a card and voucher and I have sent a thank you card back 'thank you for the voucher, it was lovely if you. I hope we will see you soon. How about getting together over xmas'

stormbreaker

Its a start! and as much as they did not come or answer the invite, they acknowledged your special birthday. Hope for the future!

Thanks for the update

1886

Sometimes you just have to accept that friends/family etc. are no longer close and in your life. My family have never been close. One of my cousins did'nt go to his mum's funeral a couple of years ago and never sees his dad.

When I got married 2.5 yrs ago it was abroad but we had a garden party back in England, I did'nt know who on my side to invite or not as I've got cousins and aunt and uncles who I barely know. In the end I decided to invite them all as that way at least I had given them the opportunity, most came which surprised me. Some did'nt and I'm not even sure if some of the one's that did'nt replied but I'm glad I invited them all anyway. I just accept that my family is'nt close and that's what I was born in to. I have a good relationship with my mum, dad and bro and my wife's mum, dad, bro and gran and that's enough for me. You can't force people to change

Soleil_lune

tea_lover wrote: »

When I got married my OH's sister was 9, and it was made very clear to me by MIL that she WOULD be a bridesmaid. I knew my OH would like this so I agreed, obviously. However, it did mean that the time getting ready (which should have been my mum, sister and me) wasn't the way I thought it would be, as we also had a little girl to look after who none of us really knew.

It didn't help that MIL also kicked off about the dress and hair (there's definite similarities here!).

Those last few hours at home were supposed to be a special time for me and my sister, but instead we were looking after someone else's child, knowing that whatever we did to her hair was going to be moaned about.

FWIW, I had no problem at all with OH's sister, I just didn't know her and hadn't ever anticipated having anyone other than my sister and mum with me when we were getting ready.

Just to offer another perspective there.

You didn't know your husband-to-be's sister? How come? I know my OH's family inside out and have since the first few months we were together.

FWIW, I find it somewhat incredulous that this woman did not want her husband's NIECE as bridesmaid! Really weird. Have to say, that may have been a dealbreaker for me, as this would have not shown them in a good light.

Another post on here said she didn't want her SIL's nieces, but is that not her brother's kids? (post 87.)

To the OP; well done for trying to bury the hatchet again, but as they didn't turn up, I can't see the rift healing anytime soon. Their response seemed relatively courteous, but I do wonder if it was your brother who wrote it.

PasturesNew

loopyloouk wrote: »

so do i invite them or not?

families who would have them!

I'd say you invite them... so you show you're the bigger person and don't hold silly grudges.

Re the wedding thing - well, it was HER wedding and most Brides are Bridezillas. It was up to your brother to keep her in check/decide with her .... but she stuck to her guns, which should be seen as a good trait.

Go on invite them - and see if it's knocked back in your face; if it is, suck it up, you've shown you don't hold grudges.