do i invite my brother or not?

loopyloouk

Why did your daughter deserve to be anything other than a guest?

It wasn't your wedding so what you thought and expected didn't matter - do you not understand that

treevo i think you are being a little harsh here, i never asked for my child to be bridesmaid so why would i expect her to be a bridesmaid, my brother wanted her to be.
i am the old sister by two years. I have only ever wanted my brother to be happy, as long as hes happy i dont care who he is with. I never have interferred with there relationship, thats their business not mine. The only home truths if you can call them that were that i said she is controlling which did upset the apple cart, nothing more was said by me despite the things she said i did not relatiate as i was being the grown up and acting as such in front of my child. Whatever goes on in there relationship is there business but when she verbally goes off on one in front of MY 3 YR OLD DAUGHTER then yes it does affect me.

Person_one

I think it would be very interesting to hear the other side of this.

On the bridesmaid situation, I agree with SDW that if there are only two little girls in the whole extended family then it makes sense and is really nice to include both, especially if the bride wants one and the groom wants the other. I fail to see how a toddler in a posh frock could be such a huge problem and such a source of angst!

On the argument though, the OP's been pretty vague about what was said. If she's crossed lines and made comments that require an apology then she needs to make a genuine apology, not a half hearted "I'm sorry you feel that way" one.

paulineb_2

loopyloouk wrote: »

I just want to clarify i did not say anything on their wedding day, the arguement came about at the final dress fitting for the girls as she wanted my daughters hair crimped for the wedding and as she is only 3 with really fine hair i asked politely if she could possibly not have this done as she has short hair anyway and very fine it would just ruin it, this then turned into her throwing a huge drama in the bridal shop about the dress, fitting, until she stated she did not want my daughter anyway she was forced to by my brother as he felt it was only right.

i would never upset anyone on there wedding day as that is there special day but if someone is going to verbally slate my child the momma bear in me comes out an i will stick up for my child until my dying breath.

The homes truths i advised her of is that she is controlling, yes perhaps i should of kept my big mouth shut but i felt backed into a corner.

re the babysitting, i would not expect them to have her and if they offered i would probably say no anyway but its just the thought that counts, there is myself and my brother no other siblings so there is only one child on my side, i just thought they would make more of any effort.

Think i will get my hubby to invite them as he is organizing it and then if they come great if not then so be it

Momma bear? Seriously? It was their wedding. You had a huge argument with someone the week before their wedding and yes, she might have been unreasonable not wanting your kid as a bridesmaid, if she didnt want your kid as a bridesmaid why did you allow your girl to do it?

I understand seriously that you might not have wanted to have your girls hair crimped, but I dont think it would have ruined her hair for life.

She didnt slate your child did she? She just didnt want her as a bridesmaid. Were you and she ever close?

Someone has to offer out an olive branch and if the invite gets turned down so be it.

But at least by making it, you'll have shown that you can put the issues behind you and move on.

pollypenny

Clearly this SIL is really going to bind with her husband's family - not! :cool:

As stated, two little girls, same age, one on a each side of the family: it would be churlish to exclude one.

OP, your apology sounds fine. You are offering an olive branch. If the bridezilla rejects it, it's her loss.

Takeaway_Addict

to me its always always been the woman sorts out the bridesmaids and the man sorts out page boys and best men alike.

SIL in the right IMO

mumps

paulineb wrote: »

Momma bear? Seriously? It was their wedding. You had a huge argument with someone the week before their wedding and yes, she might have been unreasonable not wanting your kid as a bridesmaid, if she didnt want your kid as a bridesmaid why did you allow your girl to do it?

I understand seriously that you might not have wanted to have your girls hair crimped, but I dont think it would have ruined her hair for life.

She didnt slate your child did she? She just didnt want her as a bridesmaid. Were you and she ever close?

Someone has to offer out an olive branch and if the invite gets turned down so be it.

But at least by making it, you'll have shown that you can put the issues behind you and move on.

Yes it was their wedding and the bride wanted her niece and the groom wanted his, not hard to understand is it?

If you read the first post again you will see that the OP didn't know that the bride didn't want her little girl to be a bridesmaid until this point, can you really be suggesting that a couple of days before the wedding after the little girl had tried on her dress that the mother should suddenly say she couldn't be a bridesmaid because her new aunt didn't want her? What a lovely wedding day it would have been, groom upset, grooms parents upset, grooms sister and her family probably not even there before we even think how the child would be feeling. I think the bride needed a good talking to.

Lotus-eater

The woman I married is loving and thoughtful. The idea of her not wanting my niece as her bridesmaid, in the same circumstances and if I would have liked her to be, are unthinkable.

Because she's a nice person and cares about others feelings.

This doesn't show the bride in a very good light, I wouldn't worry one way or the other about inviting her, as someone else said, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

paulineb_2

mumps wrote: »

Yes it was their wedding and the bride wanted her niece and the groom wanted his, not hard to understand is it?

If you read the first post again you will see that the OP didn't know that the bride didn't want her little girl to be a bridesmaid until this point, can you really be suggesting that a couple of days before the wedding after the little girl had tried on her dress that the mother should suddenly say she couldn't be a bridesmaid because her new aunt didn't want her? What a lovely wedding day it would have been, groom upset, grooms parents upset, grooms sister and her family probably not even there before we even think how the child would be feeling. I think the bride needed a good talking to.

Actually she said this

Over a year ago my brother and his then fiancee got married my daughter was his bridesmaid (he wanted her to be the bridesmaid, but his fiancee did not) anyhow the week before the wedding both myself and his fiancee had a huge arguement as she admitted she didn't want my daughter to be a bridesmaid at there wedding as she just wanted her youngest niece to be there.

Which doesnt make clear that the OP didnt know until the dress fitting that the girl wasnt wanted as a bridesmaid. The comment he wanted her to be the bridesmaid and his fiancee did not, could have meant that the OP knew, because her brother could have said so, but the sister in law to be just hadnt confirmed it

And no, Im sure it was pretty clear from my post that I wasnt meaning that the little girl be let down from being a bridesmaid at the last minute. I meant why was she allowed to be a bridesmaid at all under the circumstances.

Hope this clarifies.

And I wonder how much of a lovely wedding day it was anyway given that they were arguing about bridesmaids and hair the week before at the final dress fitting, seriously, theres so much we dont know.

As I said, if she offers out the olive branch at least she'll have made the gesture.

paulineb_2

Getting to be a bit of a habit on here, getting your own posts spelled out to you and being told what you meant by someone else on the thread, in a rather condescending manner, must be catching.

mumps

paulineb wrote: »

Actually she said this

Over a year ago my brother and his then fiancee got married my daughter was his bridesmaid (he wanted her to be the bridesmaid, but his fiancee did not) anyhow the week before the wedding both myself and his fiancee had a huge arguement as she admitted she didn't want my daughter to be a bridesmaid at there wedding as she just wanted her youngest niece to be there.

Reads to me that the OP found at a week before the wedding that the bride didn't want her daughter as bridesmaid.

Which doesnt make clear that the OP didnt know until the dress fitting that the girl wasnt wanted as a bridesmaid.

Well it reads like that to me, if she admitted it at this point surely that means she hadn't admitted it before?

The comment he wanted her to be the bridesmaid and his fiancee did not, could have meant that the OP knew, because her brother could have said so, but the sister in law to be just hadnt confirmed it

But that isn't what she said, I think you are taking what she says and adding 2 and 2 to make 5.

And no, Im sure it was pretty clear from my post that I wasnt meaning that the little girl be let down from being a bridesmaid at the last minute. I meant why was she allowed to be a bridesmaid at all under the circumstances.

But that only applies if the mother knew in advance if she didn't, and she did say something about swallowing her pride and letting it go on which seems to suggest that when she found out her child wasn't wanted she found it difficult to let it go ahead but did it for the child's sake.

Hope this clarifies.

And I wonder how much of a lovely wedding day it was anyway given that they were arguing about bridesmaids and hair the week before at the final dress fitting, seriously, theres so much we dont know.

As I said, if she offers out the olive branch at least she'll have made the gesture.

Sounds to me like she has already made the effort, sending presents and cards, trying to let little girl talk to them. Maybe it is a two way thing and they need to meet her half way?