do i invite my brother or not?

loopyloouk

hi all,

just after some quick advice really to see what peoples views are,

Over a year ago my brother and his then fiancee got married my daughter was his bridesmaid (he wanted her to be the bridesmaid, but his fiancee did not) anyhow the week before the wedding both myself and his fiancee had a huge arguement as she admitted she didn't want my daughter to be a bridesmaid at there wedding as she just wanted her youngest niece to be there. I swallowed my pride and allowed my daughter to be a bridesmaid and went to the wedding as i only have one brother and i would have regretted it if i hadn't gone. My mom was involved in the argument but she is now fine with them both as shes does not want my SIL to stop her seeing my brother.

since then i have not seen or heard from them. I have sent birthday cards, presents and pictures of my daughter to them. My daughter even rang them on xmas day and they wouldn't answer to say merry christmas. I have had to explain to my child that they work a lot as she asks why she does not see them.

fast forward to today and i am 30 soon and my husband wants a big family meal with everyone invited, do i invite him? if i do and he doesn't even respond and doesn't turn up i will be crushed but if i don't invite him it will make the situation worse as his fiancee is very hard work!

so do i invite them or not?

families who would have them!

Own_My_Own

Be the bigger person and invite him. The ball is then in his court and he can't throw the non-invite back in your face at a later time.

It may be upsetting if he doesn't respond, but if you are thinking of not inviting him, will it be that upsetting ?

newcook

I'd ask them (and expect them not to come) as at least that way they cant moan that its you who has a problem with them!
if they dont turn up, dont let it ruin your night - it takes 2 people to make a relationship work.

I have a similar thing with my brother - he is always 'too busy' to talk on the phone and I rarely see him these days. we actually went about 3 years without speaking as the previous phone conversation (I called him - as per usual!) he said 'im a bit busy at the mo, I'll call you back later' so I thought I would see how long it took him to call back! he missed my 30th as his wife 'didnt want them to drive in the dark with the kids'

tea_lover

I'd invite them, up to them then if they choose to accept or not. If you don't invite them they'll hear about it from the rest of the family and things are even less likely to be sorted then.

Whilst I certainly don't agree with holding a grudge about this, I had a bridesmaid I wouldn't have chosen foisted on me by my in-laws and it did cause some issues at the time.

balletshoes

I say invite them, and put rsvp on all the invitations you send out, so that you don't end up paying for meals or expecting more people to show up than do actually attend.

peachyprice

Be the bigger person, invite them. If they don't turn up they are the ones being unreasonable, if the do turn up all well and good.

Any

Well, I think a lot depends on what was said in the argument as well... do they have a reason not to speak to you?
Why was your brother choosing bridesmaids?
Why did she have to have your DD as bridesmaid?
Was something nasty said from a someone that though they are "entitled" on her wedding day to make decisions for her?

Sorry, just asking. Because I don't understand why was your daughter forced on her. Surely she should have made that decision? Or did she do it for your brother and you were completely unaware that it is not actually her want?
And then she was nasty about it?

The invitation could be a piece offering if some things had been said.. Or sign that you are willing to forget.
Whether they come or not, at least you were the bigger person..

CH27

Invite them.

loopyloouk

Any wrote: »

Well, I think a lot depends on what was said in the argument as well... do they have a reason not to speak to you?
Why was your brother choosing bridesmaids? as he only has 1 niece i think he genuinely wanted her
Why did she have to have your DD as bridesmaid? i think in total honesty she felt obliged to have her if she was having her niece as they are the only two small children on both families
Was something nasty said from a someone that though they are "entitled" on her wedding day to make decisions for her?

Sorry, just asking. Because I don't understand why was your daughter forced on her. Surely she should have made that decision? Or did she do it for your brother and you were completely unaware that it is not actually her want?
And then she was nasty about it?
i think she had always pictured her wedding a certain way as she had scrapbooks of how she wanted it etc which she is entitled to but she did go a bit bridezilla on it all, temper tantrums on colour schemes etc

The invitation could be a piece offering if some things had been said.. Or sign that you are willing to forget.
Whether they come or not, at least you were the bigger person..

I did say a few home truths which i probably shouldn't have as they have ignored my daughter for a while and favoured her niece which is suppose she should put her niece first but my brother never did that for my daughter, for example they regularly babysit for her niece probably once a week and they have never once had my daughter ( i would not expect them to have her but it would be nice to be offered occasionally especially as i am working full time and at uni on the evenings)

Think i may have to be the bigger person in this.

thorsoak

Invite them - but if I were your brother's wife, I wouldn't want to come. Nor would I want to babysit for a child whose mother gave out a few "home truths" on MY wedding day.

Mrs_Imp

Be the bigger person and invite them.

I had a 'you're not invited' to Mr Imp's relative's 'do'. But I insisted on inviting them to our 'do' a couple of years later. I didn't want to sink to their level. Nor did I want them to have the satisfaction of whinging about their lack of invite behind our backs.

As for the bridesmaid argument. There are two people getting married, so two people to make decisions, not just one. It sounds as though you got caught up in a disagreement between her and your brother, which wasn't fair on you or your daughter.