do i invite my brother or not?

loopyloouk

Thanks for all the replies, I have read them all and it has given me food for thought. I can understand her favouring her niece its a bond that will always be stronger. Think I will send the invite with a note saying 'hope you can make it, its been ages since we all caught up, sorry if there are any bad feelings since the wedding' along those lines anyway.
I can see she may have been annoyed at havinv my child be bridesmaid but my brother choose that as to just have her niece who is the same age as my daughter would have just seemed odd.
Thank you for your replies they have been very helpful.

Treevo

loopyloouk wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, I have read them all and it has given me food for thought. I can understand her favouring her niece its a bond that will always be stronger. Think I will send the invite with a note saying 'hope you can make it, its been ages since we all caught up, sorry if there are any bad feelings since the wedding' along those lines anyway.
I can see she may have been annoyed at havinv my child be bridesmaid but my brother choose that as to just have her niece who is the same age as my daughter would have just seemed odd.
Thank you for your replies they have been very helpful.

It's not odd - it would have been perfectly normal. You didn't have any right to force your daughter into someone else's wedding!

For you to then 'tell her some home truths' is outrageous.

I wouldn't be making such a weak non-apology for your behaviour - not if you truly want to heal this rift.

I will say this though - I don't see any evidence of your sister-in-law being controlling. But someone definitely is.

seven-day-weekend

I think the apology needs to be somewhat stronger than you have suggested. Along the lines of 'I am really sorry for the part I played in our rift and that I have caused distress, and would really like us to be friends' would be more appropriate.

It really doesn't matter any more who wanted which bridesmaid, you can agree to differ on that. She obviously felt she was being railroaded into having her wedding differently to how she wanted it, and you should not take exception if she did not want your daughter. That is for her husband to sort out with her, it was his wedding too, but really nothing to do with you.

loopyloouk

Treevo think we may have to agree to disagree, but everyone is entitled to there opinion. I personally think a wedding is a celebration and should include families,if there are only two children in the whole family and one was picked as bridesmaid wouldnt that be a little bit petty.
Each to there own opinion though.

Gigglepig

I can see this from both sides. OP it sounds like you being slightly difficult about how your daughter was to have her hair done may have been the last straw for a stressed bride? Perhaps she was not her best that day due to being stressed.

I don't think it was appropriate to give her any home truths during her wedding - not the time and place at all. besides it makes no sense to accuse someone else of being controlling whilst being controlling yourself. It was her wedding day, they were probably having fun getting heir hair done until you intervened, i'm not a fan of crimping but would have just left them to it.

barbiedoll

I think that OP's SIL sounds like a ghastly woman. To bear a grudge for years over the issue of having a 3 year old bridesmaid at "her" wedding, whom she didn't want? Surely when you marry a man, you at least try to accept his family too? Of course she is entitled to favour her own niece over a child who is not related to her by blood, but to have a tantrum because her husband-to-be dared to ask his own niece to be part of the festivities......surely he is entitled to have his family represented at the wedding too!

I would see her point if the groom had insisted that his sister be a bridesmaid. But to be horrible and resentful of a 3 year old, and to then state that she "didn't want her there anyway" just makes her sound stupid and childish. TBH, if I were OP, I wouldn't have even attended the wedding and I would have told my brother why.

I personally don't think that you have anything to apologise for, but then again, I'm not the sort of person who would get nasty about a 3 year old's hairstyle. And your brother needs to grow a pair, even your mum has to tiptoe around SIL so that she can see her own son.

Enjoy your party and don't give either of them an invite. It's their loss.

Skippycat

loopyloouk wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, I have read them all and it has given me food for thought. I can understand her favouring her niece its a bond that will always be stronger. Think I will send the invite with a note saying 'hope you can make it, its been ages since we all caught up, sorry if there are any bad feelings since the wedding' along those lines anyway.
I can see she may have been annoyed at havinv my child be bridesmaid but my brother choose that as to just have her niece who is the same age as my daughter would have just seemed odd.
Thank you for your replies they have been very helpful.

I think that's probably the best option. If they don't reply / turn up then it is their loss. At the end of the day though the bridesmaid issue should have been sorted out between the 2 of them rather than sticking everyone else in the middle of it and making you the scapegoat. Her throwing a bridezilla fit and saying that she didn't want the extra bridesmaid when the child was actually present is a downright nasty thing to do It's also sad that your brother is so 'under the thumb' that he hasn't bothered to make any effort to see his niece in months.

Ilona

he wanted her to be the bridesmaid, but his fiancee did not) anyhow the week before the wedding both myself and his fiancee had a huge arguement as she admitted she didn't want my daughter to be a bridesmaid at there wedding as she just wanted her youngest niece to be there.

What a horrible woman to say that. The little girl would have been excited about the dressing up and looking pretty thing. For goodness sake, two little girls would be much better than one. How can one supposedly adult person be so mean and not give a small child a day to remember, and photo's to look back on. I read recently that a junior school teacher had all the children in her class as bridesmaids and page boys. Brilliant!

I wouldn't apologise to her, but invite them, if they come they come, but don't cry if they don't. Their choice. You have a happy time at the party, with the people who care about you, and dress your little girl up and make her feel special. I'm sure you will.
Ilona

Gigglepig

Skippycat wrote: »

It's also sad that your brother is so 'under the thumb' that he hasn't bothered to make any effort to see his niece in months.

I think it may be a bit unfair to assume it is the SIL's fault - could be that the brother simply doesn't make an effort?

Skippycat

Gigglepig wrote: »

I think it may be a bit unfair to assume it is the SIL's fault - could be that the brother simply doesn't make an effort?

Possibly. They both sound awful to be honest...