do i invite my brother or not?

balletshoes

loopyloouk wrote: »

Treevo think we may have to agree to disagree, but everyone is entitled to there opinion. I personally think a wedding is a celebration and should include families,if there are only two children in the whole family and one was picked as bridesmaid wouldnt that be a little bit petty.
Each to there own opinion though.

thats the thing though - opinions differ about what weddings mean to each person in the wedding. so what you or your brother think may not be what your SIL thinks, she may have never considered having more than one bridesmaid of her niece's age in her wedding party, until your brother/mother, whoever, "foisted" your daughter on her.

I do think you should apologise for what you said (the home truths bit). That doesn't seem to have had any relevance at all to what was being disagreed on regarding how your daughter should wear her hair on the wedding day.

Yorkie1

Gigglepig wrote: »

I don't think it was appropriate to give her any home truths during her wedding - not the time and place at all. besides it makes no sense to accuse someone else of being controlling whilst being controlling yourself. It was her wedding day, they were probably having fun getting heir hair done until you intervened, i'm not a fan of crimping but would have just left them to it.

OP has said at least twice that it was not the wedding day - it was a final dress fitting a week before the wedding itself.

Just wanted to clear this point up again because people keep getting it wrong.

Kynthia

It's seems like the OP is blaming the SIL for the subsequent lack of contact and the previous lack of babysitting but these are both the responsibility of her brother.

skattykatty

a little confused...aren't weddings about TWO people getting married? the groom to be wanted his neice to be a bridesmaid and the bride to be wanted her neice to be a bridesmaid...simple. Why do weddings seem to hinge around the bride's wants?

anyway...invite them and take it from there...if you want to send an apology with the invite, do so if you feel you want to apologise... if the thought of having them with you on YOUR day doesn't feel right then don't invite them as they might just accept!

arbroath_lass

Gigglepig wrote: »

I think it may be a bit unfair to assume it is the SIL's fault - could be that the brother simply doesn't make an effort?

Or could it be be that the brother actually believes his wife deserves an apology?

Men can't win can they? If they side with their "blood family" they're told they need to cut the apron strings and their loyalty should be to their wife & children!

If they side with their wife they're being controlled or under-the thumb!

OP I think you were out of order with the "home truths" and you need to apologise. Especially as they came when at a time when SIL was probably quite stressed over wedding preparations. Sounds like the hair thing was the last straw and had it been any other time would have been no big deal.

Edited to add I've never heard of the groom choosing bridesmaids! Bridesmaids are exactly that - the bride's attendants, therefore, she chooses.

Bella73

Gigglepig wrote: »

I think it may be a bit unfair to assume it is the SIL's fault - could be that the brother simply doesn't make an effort?

I agree with this. Am assuming this is an adult male we are talking about as he married:rotfl:

Does she lock him the garage or something?

To be honest I am feeling sorry for the SIL. I think OP needs to apologise properly.

I don't quite understand why you have mentioned things like the babysitting as you are doing a uni course etc. why would a couple just offer to babysit without being asked?? I never have as it would not occur to me.

pricew1970

Cant be bothered to read all the tantrums but getting the gist of it ....Is the OP possibly the younger sibling in the family ??? Sensing a little spoilt one here.

Treevo

loopyloouk wrote: »

Treevo think we may have to agree to disagree, but everyone is entitled to there opinion. I personally think a wedding is a celebration and should include families,if there are only two children in the whole family and one was picked as bridesmaid wouldnt that be a little bit petty.
Each to there own opinion though.

Why did your daughter deserve to be anything other than a guest?

It wasn't your wedding so what you thought and expected didn't matter - do you not understand that?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Treevo wrote: »

Why did your daughter deserve to be anything other than a guest?

It wasn't your wedding so what you thought and expected didn't matter - do you not understand that?

Because her uncle invited her to be one?

Any person who decides to have a hissy fit at a three year old needs a bit of a talking to IMHO. They invited her, she didn't force her her 3 year old self onto them. Wedding or not, it's childish and uncalled for.

OP invite them! don't invite them! You will be in the wrong no matter what you do.

January20

skattykatty wrote: »

a little confused...aren't weddings about TWO people getting married? the groom to be wanted his neice to be a bridesmaid and the bride to be wanted her neice to be a bridesmaid...simple. Why do weddings seem to hinge around the bride's wants?

anyway...invite them and take it from there...if you want to send an apology with the invite, do so if you feel you want to apologise... if the thought of having them with you on YOUR day doesn't feel right then don't invite them as they might just accept!

You're not the only one! I thought that too! I thought a wedding was to celebrate two people loving each other and wanting to spend their life together. It seems I was wrong as in the eyes of some posters, it seems it's a good excuse for some women to behave like immature spoil brats and pretend they are a demanding princess for the day!

Treevo wrote: »

Why did your daughter deserve to be anything other than a guest?

It wasn't your wedding so what you thought and expected didn't matter - do you not understand that?

Why can't you understand that the op DIDN'T expect or demand anything? The OP's brother wanted his niece to be bridesmaid and it seems the OP wasn't aware, until the argument, that his fiancee didn't agree!

Don't you think the man getting married has an opinion on what happens during the day? When I got married, everything was discussed between the two of us. It wasn't a case of one getting their own way at the detriment of the other! I wouldn't want to marry somebody that selfish! Or rather that petty that they can't include a little child! She was a 3 year old! What could she have had against a 3 year old? Not pretty enough for the photos? (sorry OP I'm not implying anything!)