Christmas with divorced parents

studentuk1

gwen80 wrote: »

You sound like a lovely son. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, I've been in a similar position myself and it's always hard. When you have a parent on their own I think a lot of children worry about them. Not always, but more often in my experience is the elder siblings do their own thing without a second thought and the younger one is the one worrying about looking after people. I'm spending Christmas with my Mum this year, I think my Dad will either be alone or he'll find some friends to go round to. He's never really been there for me or done anything for me, but somehow I still feel guilty about him spending Christmas on his own - fathom that?! I hope you can find a solution and whatever you decide, that you enjoy your Christmas too

Actually having said I don't have any advice, in your shoes I think I'd spend Christmas day with my Dad and little sisters (they are only young once) and then take Mum away for a few days after Christmas and spend some quality time together. Christmas is really only a name given to a 24hr period, but it's a 24hr period where your little sisters will be excitedly opening their presents and that really only happens once a year or twice if they have good birthdays

G

Thanks for your reply.

What I'm thinking at the moment is to book a few days away with my mum after Christmas. She's always wanted to go to Reykjavik in Iceland, so may book 3 days away after xmas, and spend xmas day with my sisters.

Brighton_belle

studentuk1 wrote: »

What I'm thinking at the moment is to book a few days away with my mum after Christmas. She's always wanted to go to Reykjavik in Iceland, so may book 3 days away after xmas, and spend xmas day with my sisters.

Wow, if I promise to spend xmas day on my own can I come too:D
I think that would definitely compensate!

gwen80

studentuk1 wrote: »

Thanks for your reply.

What I'm thinking at the moment is to book a few days away with my mum after Christmas. She's always wanted to go to Reykjavik in Iceland, so may book 3 days away after xmas, and spend xmas day with my sisters.

If you can afford it, I think that would be a great compromise. Your last Christmas in the UK before travelling will be special with both sides of the family

studentuk1

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Wow, if I promise to spend xmas day on my own can I come too:D
I think that would definitely compensate!

That all depends on whether you can fit in my suitcase or not?

gwen80 wrote: »

If you can afford it, I think that would be a great compromise. Your last Christmas in the UK before travelling will be special with both sides of the family

I've been a few years ago and it wasn't too expensive, so I'll have a look. I've got quite a few Avios with British Airways, so may see if I can book flights somewhere with them.

MrSmartprice

melanzana wrote: »

Christmas for many is such a dilemma. It causes angst and worry and dread in some cases. I do not like Christmas at all. It is just so much hassle.

And for what? (thinking of no kids households here). Cook, cook, cook, oh hiya, hello, lovely to see you, sit down, have a drink. Where are the bloody clean glasses, don't have Bacardi, !!!!!

Cook, watch the food, everyone else laughing, some do help. Eat. Clean up table, wash up, sweating now. Menopausal anger and tears for those not with us. Cry, wipe up counter top.

Sit on sofa. Watch drivel on TV. No one talks, all snoring.

Snooze aswell. So it's nine o clock. Anyone want a sandwich? Yes please! Off to kitchen, get some help. Serve up again.

Hey ho, must go. Thanks for a lovely day.

See you in a few weeks.

No problem.

Large glass of brandy. Bed.

So flaming what!

It's just too much for many.

I am going to Cannes this year to drape myself over a yacht, and have someone else feed and water me.

I can dream cant I?

Well said you!:T

I'm sure many people feel just the same, but say nothing for fear of offending other members of their family. We now spend the day on our own, other than meeting friends for lunch. We go to an Indian restaurant where an excellent meal costs around £20, plus we take our own drinks.

We are always glad to see the back of Xmas, but at least we don't have to spend a fortune, nor do we have to spend all day in the kitchen. We don't do presents to each other, nor to anyone else, really. Save your money and maybe you will get your trip to Cannes!:)

MrSmartprice

studentuk1 wrote: »

What I'm thinking at the moment is to book a few days away with my mum after Christmas. She's always wanted to go to Reykjavik in Iceland, so may book 3 days away after xmas, and spend xmas day with my sisters.

We've been to Iceland a couple of times now and it is a spectacular place. We have been on cruise ships, and been to Akureyri and Isafjordur as well as Reykjavik. The Golden Triangle tour, taking in the waterfalls, geysers, volcanoes and tectonic plates is memorable.

What I would say is consider when you go. It's bloomin' cold in winter. So make sure you do your homework on the weather front. You will love the place though.

studentuk1

MrSmartprice wrote: »

We've been to Iceland a couple of times now and it is a spectacular place. We have been on cruise ships, and been to Akureyri and Isafjordur as well as Reykjavik. The Golden Triangle tour, taking in the waterfalls, geysers, volcanoes and tectonic plates is memorable.

What I would say is consider when you go. It's bloomin' cold in winter. So make sure you do your homework on the weather front. You will love the place though.

Thanks for the reply. I went when I was 18 and loved the blue lagoon, snow mobiles (I think they're called), northern lights and amazing restaurants. Definitely a great place to go for a few days away.

Will have to look into the temperature and daylight times, as I remember it being ice cold when I went with only a few hours of daylight each day.

MrSmartprice

studentuk1 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. I went when I was 18 and loved the blue lagoon, snow mobiles (I think they're called), northern lights and amazing restaurants. Definitely a great place to go for a few days away.

Will have to look into the temperature and daylight times, as I remember it being ice cold when I went with only a few hours of daylight each day.

We were there in July and it never really gets dark, the Arctic Circle runs just across the north of the island.

We didn't eat much there as we were on a ship. I did have a very good curry in Akureyri though, and the coffee shops are good, if a bit pricey. Some excellent cakes too.

I always look at menus wherever I go. Some restaurants there serve minke whale, puffin and, of all things, guillemot. Can't say it appealed to me though.

paulineb_2

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Sometimes caretaking/taking responsibility for someone else's happiness denies them the opportunity to develop their own strengths/opportunities for happiness.
I don't expect your mum relishes being on her own, but she may find that when faced with it, she decides, for example to go volunteer at a hostel on the day or old people's centre and ends up making new friends/meeting new partner or just feels great giving to people more vulnerable than she is.

Sometimes we need the space and the lows in life to discover inner strength to go and get the life we want.

We place too much hype and significance on one day. I think you should go share it with your younger sisters - these are important bonds too that last a lifetime. And big credit to your mum for willingly telling you to go.

I actually do think the volunteering at a hostel and meeting new people isnt always the way things pan out. In my loneliest times would I have wanted to volunteer at a homeless shelter at Christmas? No I probably wouldnt. Because even when you know there are people worse off than you, it doesnt always make you feel better.

Plus a lot of these places dont just accept volunteers at short notice, you may need to be interviewed and vetted and sometimes police checked. So if she does want to do some volunteering over the Christmas period she'll need to do it now. Also, having worked in homeless projects for a long time it was my experience that many people in the projects did have somewhere to go, even for that one day, friends, family, that time of the year was generally pretty empty for us, same with new year.

What I did do though, was volunteer at a charity shop one day a week for over a year. I didnt make loads of new friends but I did get skills in retail that were useful to me and also able to give something back at a time when finances meant I couldnt donate.

Im never torn as to where to spend Christmas as I dont have a partner and my brother has his own partner and we dont spend Christmases together. I also never saw my dad as a child, his choice, but even as an adult I always spend Christmas with my mum, because I want to

I actually think to be honest if the OP is feeling torn why not have a Christmas dinner with her mum on Christmas Eve and exchange presents then. Or the same on Boxing Day.

Also, a site such as meet up might help the OP's mum to meet new people.

Brighton_belle

paulineb wrote: »

I actually do think the volunteering at a hostel and meeting new people isnt always the way things pan out. In my loneliest times would I have wanted to volunteer at a homeless shelter at Christmas? No I probably wouldnt. Because even when you know there are people worse off than you, it doesnt always make you feel better.

I agree with you Pauline - I was merely giving that as an example of how having the space and need can help someone finally think outside the box. And we don't know that one day in December (and choosing not to follow an invite to other family/friends) = a very lonely low point.

And having advanced warning gives someone x months to think through ideas and if necessary get going with volunteering now, for the very reasons you suggest.
If someone is really low, then absolutely it doesn't help doing the whole (my least favourite phrase) "there is always someone else worse off".
I just wanted to give the OP an indication of how his mother 'may' experience an alternative xmas, and that rescuing a relatively young parent can limit opportunity, rather than an absolute "she will be so lonely and she is incapable, and it will be so ghastly for her and it's all my fault and I must rescue rescue rescue.
It would be down to his mother to explore ideas that felt right for her. She will certainly need to at some point in the future, so better to do it will young and able.