Christmas with divorced parents

Brighton_belle

studentuk1 wrote: »

I know that makes me sound quite selfish, but I shall discuss it with both my parents and see what they think.

I don' think you sound selfish at all: you come across as considerate and a credit to your parents. You're just thinking through all your options - far better to have taken a considered decision, whichever one that is, than a blanket panic guilt induced one.

I also commend you not over estimating your driving ability as a new driver. It makes good sense to carefully consider the weather too, especially the day before you travel.

melanzana

studentuk1 wrote: »

Christmas for me is seeing other people happy. I agree it's a ridiculous 24 hours where people worry about where/who they'll be with, spend a ridiculous amount of money and it's likely overrated for the amount of time we dedicate to it, which is why I think it should be mainly about my little sisters, as I'd love to see them happy on Christmas. At the same time, I don't want to leave my mother on her own and feeling lonely, but she is an adult. I can't guarantee I'm going to be around the next few Christmases, so I don't want to let any opportunities slip. Children aren't children for long.

I just read that back, and I feel old.

Nah, you just realise what can MAKE you old!

Anyhow, what is your gut instinct here? You do have one, and forget about guilt and all that rubbish, guilt is fruitless.

Spend Xmas with the kids, Boxing Day with Mum, or vice versa.

Whatever. You cannot please all the people all the time, so you gotta please yourself.

And since I have more or less adopted this view, I am no longer taken for granted either! Win, win. (sometimes....)

studentuk1

melanzana wrote: »

Nah, you just realise what can MAKE you old!

Anyhow, what is your gut instinct here? You do have one, and forget about guilt and all that rubbish, guilt is fruitless.

Spend Xmas with the kids, Boxing Day with Mum, or vice versa.

Whatever. You cannot please all the people all the time, so you gotta please yourself.

And since I have more or less adopted this view, I am no longer taken for granted either! Win, win. (sometimes....)

I think I want to please everyone all of the time.

I just haven't worked out a way to do this yet, while keeping myself sane.

lostinrates

Forget Christmas for a second,....

Where do you want to spend your birthday?

Now you have explained all this background stuff about the birthday and the year away, my opinion is very slightly different.


Btw, I agree about wisdom of not driving after drinking and being cautious as a new driver.

CH27

studentuk1 wrote: »

I think I want to please everyone all of the time.

I just haven't worked out a way to do this yet, while keeping myself sane.

That's because it's impossible to do :rotfl:

studentuk1

lostinrates wrote: »

Forget Christmas for a second,....

Where do you want to spend your birthday?

Now you have explained all this background stuff about the birthday and the year away, my opinion is very slightly different.


Btw, I agree about wisdom of not driving after drinking and being cautious as a new driver.

No plans for my Birthday (even though it's my 21st). I usually celebrate it a day or two before with friends, and spend the 24th with family as most of the friends do. If I go to my dads/sisters, I'll be driving to theirs on the 24th and spending it with them, otherwise I'll be spending it with my mother.

DigForVictory

Trying to please everyone all of the time usually sees the trier on heavy medication.
Neither of your parents want you to be unhappy, so figure out what will make *you* most happy this year and make promises for next year if that helps.
Some day there'll be a partner & their relatives - so a certain amount of expectation management helps, and this year is as good as any to start.
Hoping you a happy Christmas & a happy 21st!

lillie_put

are you with your mum most or every xmas?
you could maybe xmas eve lunch time or earlier have few hours with your mum give her a little pressies then maybe get couple small things maybe photo of you an her in a frame wrap it put on her pillow with a lovely card
leave box choccies somewhere for her to find
and spend xmas day with your dad an see your little sisters open their presents
ringing your mum or skyping her xmas day
when come back you an your mum have a xmas day together might not be the 25th but you would of had the 24th and the time you get back tell her she would be having 2 xmas days with you
just a thought
xxx

studentuk1

lillie_put wrote: »

are you with your mum most or every xmas?
you could maybe xmas eve lunch time or earlier have few hours with your mum give her a little pressies then maybe get couple small things maybe photo of you an her in a frame wrap it put on her pillow with a lovely card
leave box choccies somewhere for her to find
and spend xmas day with your dad an see your little sisters open their presents
ringing your mum or skyping her xmas day
when come back you an your mum have a xmas day together might not be the 25th but you would of had the 24th and the time you get back tell her she would be having 2 xmas days with you
just a thought
xxx

I've spent every Christmas day with mum so far. Would definitely spend Christmas eve daytime with her and leave during the evening and would definitely make xmas day as good of a day as possible, but I wouldn't be there for actual day. Would be back boxing day morning to spend a few days with her.

She's always wanted to go away for Christmas, so was thinking of booking her a holiday if that's what she wanted. Doesn't really solve the 'loneliness problem' though.

My older sibling hasn't really given this a second thought. Maybe I could get half the money from them and we'll send her on a once in a lifetime holiday? :P

Nenen

studentuk1 wrote: »

No plans for my Birthday (even though it's my 21st). I usually celebrate it a day or two before with friends, and spend the 24th with family as most of the friends do. If I go to my dads/sisters, I'll be driving to theirs on the 24th and spending it with them, otherwise I'll be spending it with my mother.

Given that it is going to be your 21st birthday on Christmas Eve, I expect both your parents would like to celebrate with you and make it special for you. How about asking them and/or friends and family to club together for a special birthday/Christmas present to pay for a pampering hotel break for you and your mum from Christmas Eve through to Boxing Day at a Spa Hotel near to where your Dad lives? That way you could celebrate with your friends a couple of days beforehand, recover from any hangover, then drive to the hotel with your mum on Christmas eve. If your Mum and Dad are on speaking terms, you could even all go out for a meal to celebrate your 21st on Christmas eve. If not, you could leave your mum to be pampered at the hotel while you go and see your dad for a little while, then have a lovely evening meal with your mum. Then, early on Christmas morning, you could go over to your dad's for a couple of hours to see your sisters open their presents, then back to the hotel for a posh lunch with mum!