Christmas with divorced parents

Brighton_belle

studentuk1 wrote: »

My older sibling hasn't really given this a second thought. Maybe I could get half the money from them and we'll send her on a once in a lifetime holiday? :P

That's very kind ... but you're only 20 so your mum can't be that old and incapable: surely she's only in her 40's? Honestly, I am pro being kind and thoughtful, but you're taking on a parenting role with your mum here, 3 decades sooner than probably necessary.

studentuk1

Nenen wrote: »

Given that it is going to be your 21st birthday on Christmas Eve, I expect both your parents would like to celebrate with you and make it special for you. How about asking them and/or friends and family to club together for a special birthday/Christmas present to pay for a pampering hotel break for you and your mum from Christmas Eve through to Boxing Day at a Spa Hotel near to where your Dad lives? That way you could celebrate with your friends a couple of days beforehand, recover from any hangover, then drive to the hotel with your mum on Christmas eve. If your Mum and Dad are on speaking terms, you could even all go out for a meal to celebrate your 21st on Christmas eve. If not, you could leave your mum to be pampered at the hotel while you go and see your dad for a little while, then have a lovely evening meal with your mum. Then, early on Christmas morning, you could go over to your dad's for a couple of hours to see your sisters open their presents, then back to the hotel for a posh lunch with mum!

As much as I'd love this (I really would love a few days in a hotel chilling out :P), it would be a tad optimistic. My parents aren't on talking terms (haven't spoken in many years). Neither of them likely have the money for this either. I'd much rather the money be spent on my little sisters. I'm more than happy with a beer and a chocolate cake for my Birthday.

Maybe I'll treat myself to a spa hotel for new years eve. On my own, peace and quiet with a bottle of champagne and no arguments or disagreements. Now that is a birthday treat.

studentuk1

Brighton_belle wrote: »

That's very kind ... but you're only 20 so your mum can't be that old and incapable: surely she's only in her 40's? Honestly, I am pro being kind and thoughtful, but you're taking on a parenting role with your mum here, 3 decades sooner than probably necessary.

She's 52. Dad's 46

Brighton_belle

studentuk1 wrote: »

She's 52.

I know 52 will seem ancient to you, but from where I'm standing it's lovely and young with so much potentially to look forward to then:D There was a recent study that declared middle age now doesn't start til 53 you know .

studentuk1

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I know 52 will seem ancient to you, but from where I'm standing it's lovely and young with so much potentially to look forward to then:D There was a recent study that declared middle age now doesn't start til 53 you know .

I think you just made her Christmas.

Newly_retired

Wait till you get a boyfriend and then in-laws into the mix as well!
Or later on, grandparents. You'll think back and wonder why you worried.
You are not responsible for your mother's happiness for the rest of her life. Do what seems right for you. This year, that may mean going to your dad's on Christmas Eve so you are there for present opening.
Personally, I rarely get to see any of my family actually on 25 or 26 Dec. It is usually 27 or 28th, by the time they've done the rounds of local relatives.

Sezzagirl

Sudentuk1, You sound like such a kind and caring person - your parents must be very proud of you

If your Mum has said she is ok with you going to your Dad's on Christmas Day, then I think you must respect her choice and believe her

I'm sure she will miss you a lot and she might chose to spend the day on her own being comfortably miserable rather than see other family and have to out on a brave face

If you're spending most of your birthday with her on Christmas Eve, I'm sure you can find something nice to do - book early and you should get in for a pamper session like a manicure - and somewhere lovely for lunch before you head off to your Dad's

As a Mum myself, I would worry about you driving that long way if you weren't comfortable and would rather you stayed away than travel while I sat home fretting!

I think you are between a rock and a hard place. You can't be everywhere at the same time so you can't be with your Mum and your sisters. As you grow up and start to move away from home, there will be more times when this happens but this first time will be hardest

Good luck and remember, your Mum and Dad both love you and want you to be happy

studentuk1

Newly_retired wrote: »

Wait till you get a boyfriend and then in-laws into the mix as well!
Or later on, grandparents. You'll think back and wonder why you worried.
You are not responsible for your mother's happiness for the rest of her life. Do what seems right for you. This year, that may mean going to your dad's on Christmas Eve so you are there for present opening.
Personally, I rarely get to see any of my family actually on 25 or 26 Dec. It is usually 27 or 28th, by the time they've done the rounds of local relatives.

You're either assuming I'm female, or gay. My post may not be the typical masculine post, but I am in-fact male and straight, just without a female accomplice right now.

Thanks for your reply.

gwen80

You sound like a lovely son. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, I've been in a similar position myself and it's always hard. When you have a parent on their own I think a lot of children worry about them. Not always, but more often in my experience is the elder siblings do their own thing without a second thought and the younger one is the one worrying about looking after people. I'm spending Christmas with my Mum this year, I think my Dad will either be alone or he'll find some friends to go round to. He's never really been there for me or done anything for me, but somehow I still feel guilty about him spending Christmas on his own - fathom that?! I hope you can find a solution and whatever you decide, that you enjoy your Christmas too

Actually having said I don't have any advice, in your shoes I think I'd spend Christmas day with my Dad and little sisters (they are only young once) and then take Mum away for a few days after Christmas and spend some quality time together. Christmas is really only a name given to a 24hr period, but it's a 24hr period where your little sisters will be excitedly opening their presents and that really only happens once a year or twice if they have good birthdays

G

gwen80

Also that way if your Mum is on her own on Christmas Day and maybe not too happy, she has something to look forward to and can maybe keep herself busy packing and preparing to go away.

G