Am I being too sensitive...

spamalot

sovilla wrote: »

My husband wants nothing to do with this woman who put his children in danger. They had 9 miscarriages while together so were thankful for any children they could carry to term which is why they had 4. He only stayed with her for the children, and he was releived when she admitted to cheating on him (with the guy she is currently with) because that gave him an out.

And while he was with her he was the one that did most of the looking after the children, yes she would have then during the day but as soon as he came home from work she would go out drinking with her friends and he would be there, doing all the night feeds for the babies. And she would turn up again at 7am for him to go to work and then the cycle would start all over again. She would dissapear for the full weekend drinking and taking drugs and would just come back so he could work, then spend all his money on drugs and booze. At one point he had to burn his dining room table in the coal fire to keep the house warm and eat beans out of a tin because she had spent all the money on her lifestyle.

So doing the maths, that's 13 times your husband and their mother tried to have children. That does not sound like a man who is trying to find a way out and only staying for the sake of the children. Come on, you must be a reasonably intelligent woman, you are doing a degree aren't you? You have a seriously got a case of rose tinted spectacles if you have swallowed that story.

And speaking as someone who has suffered from recurrent miscarriage no wonder she was having problems, that is a very sad situation and sounds like depression to me. I feel sorry for this woman. Reading about her taking pictures off your Facebook site makes it even sadder, she's just trying to keep some link with her children. Have you ever thought that maybe one of the reasons she doesn't come to see them too much is that it's too painful for her?

Perhaps if she were able to see them regularly at a contact centre without her ex around she might start to repair the bond away from her home situation. This might give her the impetus to get her life back on track. Has your husband ever tried to set this up?

balletshoes

sovilla wrote: »

I have closed my facebook and my husband is going to do the same to his.

fair enough - but why?

sovilla

Deleted...

spamalot

Well good on you for trying to set that up. She doesn't seem ready yet then, just don't close the door on her.

Good luck and they are lucky to have you btw

angelsmomma

sovilla wrote: »

The children are not at risk. And if we as carers (better not put parents and clearly you lot think im not entitled to that term) want to put pictures on facebook then that should be our decision.

Social services have no contact with the children, they are not even on their books and to be honest they never have been. Everything was done through courts and cafcass. It was their mother who willingly rang social services to give them up. Social services just said to us if you want to go and get them, then get them. They didnt take them from her.

It was the court that decided they should stay with us and that their mothers partner could go no where near them. Not social services. They havent helped us one bit. We had to get family support services from the local University to come and help the eldest when she was struggling and social services were too busy.

There is alot more to this whole story but think ive told enough. I take on board everyones opinion so thank you.

I have closed my facebook and my husband is going to do the same to his.

In your op you said that social services were involved. Now it seems that this is not the case at all. The mum for her own reasons gave them up willingly, her partners behaviour did not have any bearing on it at all. They also now have a child that lives with them so his alleged abuse can't be serious enough for the child to be removed.

Your husband applied for residency and got it but you do not have parental responsibility yourself. That being so you really should try to keep out of dealing with the children's' mum and let your husband deal with her.

Bennifred

sovilla wrote: »

My husband wants nothing to do with this woman who put his children in danger. They had 9 miscarriages while together so were thankful for any children they could carry to term which is why they had 4. He only stayed with her for the children, and he was releived when she admitted to cheating on him (with the guy she is currently with) because that gave him an out.

And while he was with her he was the one that did most of the looking after the children, yes she would have then during the day but as soon as he came home from work she would go out drinking with her friends and he would be there, doing all the night feeds for the babies. And she would turn up again at 7am for him to go to work and then the cycle would start all over again. She would dissapear for the full weekend drinking and taking drugs and would just come back so he could work, then spend all his money on drugs and booze. At one point he had to burn his dining room table in the coal fire to keep the house warm and eat beans out of a tin because she had spent all the money on her lifestyle.

So she only went off the rails after they'd had the four then? :think: Strange she didn't show any signs of it sooner - because he wouldn't have continued to make babies with her in that case, would he?

ps Life does go on without facebook. Amazingly.

shegirl

sovilla wrote: »

Look I realise now that, that wasnt the best idea. I was trying to help my mother and father in law and make my daughter happy at the same time. Ive said before im not perfect. Im still learning at all this mothering lark.

You dont understand how mature and adult the 9 year old is. When she had to do her younger siblings nappies at the age of 6 and look after them because their mum couldnt, then kids tend to grow up rather quickly. She is very focused, knows exaclty what she wants to do with her life. She wants to be a brain surgeon, what 9 year old tells you that. And I have no doubt that she can be whatever she wants to be.

Lots of kids come out with 'brain surgeon',just like many come out with things such as 'astronaut' which,while possible,is highly unlikely

System

As much as you would like to, you cant wipe out the childrens history.

If you don't want the kids viewed.... then don't put them on the stage.. simple!

shegirl

sovilla wrote: »

Hey I would love her to be a good mum and to want to spend time with them. I miss not having time with my husband just me and him. It would be great if she could have them for a weekend now and then and spend time with them but she doesnt want that. And she cant have that because she lives with an abusive man who is not allowed near the children.

When she has come back into their lives she makes them promises to buy them things and take them places, and then they sit waiting for her to turn up or for christmas presents to arrive and nothing happens. Then they get upset and sad and their behaviour changes and we have the fall out from that.

Life isnt easy and life isnt perfect, we all have hard times and make wrong decisions. But its her choice at the moment not to see the children, and its her choice to not contact them. I dont know whats happening in her life for her to not do that, if may be her partner is stopping her from doing that as hes very controlling and if thats the case then I feel sorry for her.

Ot it could just be that she has another child now and she has her own family and shes happy knowing that her children are looked after my people who love them and care about them that she feels she doesnt need to be involved.

I guess I was being oversensitive regarding the photos. If she asked for them I would give her them, but just taking them is what hurts,

Ok,I find it incredibly odd that she and him are so awful that he cannot be around the kids yet social services leave the one they had together living with them.It generally doesn't happen like that,especially with the picture you paint of this guy.

Maybe there have been some serious improvements but the mother does not feel able to approach you regarding the kids?

CH27

None of this adds up

She's an evil woman but he had 4 children with her.
She's a bad mother but social services have left a baby with her & her abusive partner.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.