Am I being too sensitive...

19lottie82

sovilla wrote: »

This has actually spured us into action and were off to see a solicitor today about me adopting them. I know it can take a long while but it will be worth it in the end.

If she doesn't agree, you won't get very far I'm afraid.

[EMAIL="I@m"]I'm[/EMAIL] sorry OP but I really agree with the others, take the photos down from Facebook and don't put anymore up there.

duchy

If you push for adoption sounds like she may fight it ....and even reapply for custody.......the kids are over crowded atm and the evil stepmother is stopping any contact (doesn't have to be true to say it to a court).

Sounds like it would be simpler to just stop posting on FB.Lot of people won't post on FB at all or have a "no pictures of the kids" rule and still manage to share all the kodak moments with chosen family and friends.

quidsy

You can tag who you want to specifically see the photos, everyone else has no way of viewing. have a look at the settings, it's all there.

peachyprice

quidsy wrote: »

You can tag who you want to specifically see the photos, everyone else has no way of viewing. have a look at the settings, it's all there.

That won't stop the children's family members who OP allows to see the pics and who OP believes are 'on her side' then passing the pics onto the mother, which is exactly what appears to have happened.

Easier to just not put them there in the first place.

BugglyB

Adopted children often feel intense shame about the birth parent, or strong loyalty towards them, or anything on a spectrum in between. Your role is to give them space and understanding to express and deal with these feelings.

You may think its brilliant that the 4 year old 'has no idea who this woman is' but really for his sake you need to make sure he has a clear idea of who she is and where he is from.

'You are mine and she can't have you' is not a healthy attitude towards any children, let alone vulnerable and abused ones.

newcook

Wow! Would people still have this opinion if it was the dad who was no good and had an ‘unhealthy interest’ in the 2 older girls?! I’m guessing the replies would be to cut all ties and report him to the police for posting photos of the kids!

For those who are saying OP should be maintaining contact, if the kids don’t want to see the person who harmed them and upset them then why should they be forced? Sometimes it can do more harm than good.

I do agree with others though that OP need to either remove the photos or change the settings of the photos so that only certain people can see them. OP, you can always get the kids to write letters to family who don’t live nearby and put recent pics in with the letter.

securityguy

"I do agree with others though that OP need to either remove the photos or change the settings of the photos so that only certain people can see them."

You. Cannot. Stop. Third. Parties. From. Sending. Pictures. To. Others.

Read. Learn. Inwardly Digest.

It just isn't possible. Statement like "You can tag who you want to specifically see the photos, everyone else has no way of viewing. have a look at the settings, it's all there." are just naive. The third party can screen capture the pictures. They can print them to a file. They can print them out and scan them back in or get out their own phone and take a picture of the screen (the quality of these last two options is surprisingly good). Anything that someone can see, they can pass to someone else.

It's like all the nonsense of Snapchat "pictures that can't be forwarded" or that vogue a few years ago for documents that could supposedly be mailed but not forwarded, or would become unreadable after some specific date, or whatever. It is impossible to do this: once a picture or document is on someone's screen, you cannot stop them from taking a copy. That copy may not be perfect, but they don't care.

CH27

If you hadn't put the photos up she wouldn't be able to use them.

What is best for the children is the key question.

quidsy

Statement like "You can tag who you want to specifically see the photos, everyone else has no way of viewing. have a look at the settings, it's all there." are just naive.

The technology does work in this way. What the person you tagged does with it after the event is another issue entirely. But you are able to specificlly restrict who can see the photo on your own facebook profile.

HeadAboveWater

Are you being too sensitive? Yes and no.

Similar sort of situation with OHs ex. If you were to look at her FB page you would think she was 'the' perfect loving mum, photos included. In reality? OH has full custody, she's only allowed supervised contact, and for the last 2 months the girls neither want to see her nor speak to her.

I'm 'unofficial step mum' to OHs girls (and no I didn't expect to be in this position at my age either, so I know where you're coming from! lol) I love and support the girls any way I can. And I do my best for our family.

When it comes to dealings with the ex, ultimately it's up to OH and the girls themselves (although they are older than your lot so different in that respect) I like to be kept informed so I know what's going on and how the girls feel about it all, but unless OH asks for my opinion on what he/they should do, I keep my nose out. It's not my place to say.

Regarding the photos, I'd take them off FB completely. If you like to share photos of the kids with others then there are ways and means to do so - privately.

Regarding adopting? That's up to you lot. But I would say that it will likely get the ex's back up and things could get worse. It is not nice to be referred to scathingly as 'the other mother' when things aren't going well.

I sincerely hope things work out well for you all, but feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

HAW.