Girlfriend of Eight Years Left Me - Just Bought A House

easilydistracted

Your ex-partner really needs to be realistic about the options available to her following her choice to move out. Obviously none of us know exactly what went on in the relationship, but there is no sensible way of selling now.

The idea of moving in the smaller room yourself and letting out the bigger one makes sense, and was what sprung to mind myself when I first read your initial post. This could help address her share of the mortgage, though it would be realistic for her to make up any shortfall. This might then lead to being able to sell in six months.

If she wants to get a solicitor then the only thing she can do is use them to argue with you, or try and force a sale. Trying to force a sale takes absolutely ages and is really expensive and difficult. This would get her nowhere fast. It seems like you are estimating a massive amount of loss on the mortgage redemption, do you have a long fix? (sorry if I missed this). The longer the house is unsold, the mortgage the redemption figures will reduce.

However you need to be clever here. Is there any place where it is recorded that you would get back your proportion of the deposit? If it's not legally recorded I would try and get her to admit this in writing somehow. I know this sounds a bit manipulative, but she sounds completely unrealistic about what she can achieve. She could claim there was no agreement that the money for the deposit was a gift to you both.
If she does go down the solicitor route, I would suggest trying to use mediation to short things out.

C22DTJ

marisco wrote: »

Legally your ex can ask you to sell the house immediately OP. She could put the house up for sale without your consent, however you would have to sign the papers when it came to the sale.

She can also force the sale by law, but if you were to refuse to agree to this then she would have to go to court. That process takes time and would be expensive. The court might order you to pay her solicitor's costs if things got to that stage.

She could stop paying the mortgage. As you are both jointly liable for repayments, your lender can seek all the mortgage from either party, and would pursue you as you live at the property. As you are no doubt aware getting behind on the mortgage will ruin both your credit records.

Ugh, exactly the kind of mess I want to avoid.

This is the position of power that I feared she would be in. I think legal action would probably scare her. I hope.

Mojisola

marisco wrote: »

Legally your ex can ask you to sell the house immediately OP. She could put the house up for sale without your consent, however you would have to sign the papers when it came to the sale.

If she does this, get straight on to the estate agent and tell them that the property has two owners and you do not agree to the sale.

An EA will not want to spend time and money on a property where the owners are arguing about a sale.

As she is a part owner, you can't change the locks and keep her out so it would be worth getting important paperwork moved to somewhere safe and also any other things you want to protect.

kelpie35

OP I really feel for you.

I was in your position many many years ago and lost thousands of pounds through it. Also ended up in homeless accommodation through it. I would not wish that upon my worst enemy.

I would continue living in your home, with a lodger if possible, that at least will give you breathing space.

If she is determined to make you sell she will have a long battle and that will give you more time to sort something out.

I would not, at the moment, let her know you are considering getting a lodger.

It is so sad and I really feel for you but you need to stay strong and put yourself and your needs first. No one else can do that for you at the moment.

Take care.

Mojisola

kelpie35 wrote: »

I would continue living in your home, with a lodger if possible, that at least will give you breathing space.

Read up on the Rent a Room scheme in case you can get a lodger -
https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/the-rent-a-room-scheme

C22DTJ

Just wanted to check in with updates here.

I spoke to my ex (still feels awful saying that) a few times via email over the past few days and she has agreed to delay the sale until February at the earliest when we can market to mortgaging buyers rather than cash buyers only. Hopefully the recent economic trend will continue and prices may continue to rise, minimising the impact of penalties and legal costs which will still need to be paid.

She has agreed to pay half of all the monthly costs that she originally contractually agreed to, basically the mortgage, council tax, insurance etc, while I will pay all "consumables" like the bills/TV/broadband/car/fuel etc.

Whilst still not exactly the ideal outcome, it's probably the most appropriate option at this stage. I'm now desperately trying to leapfrog my way up the career ladder to see if I could position myself to take on the house myself next year, but at least this has bought me some time to do so.

Unfortunately it hasn't helped with how I'm feeling about her, she was actually pretty personable during our interactions which just made me miss her even more.

kelpie35

So pleased you have been given some breathing space.

I think you need to try to accept that she is moving on with her life even though it is heartbreaking to you.

I am sure you will not appreciate this saying, but time is a great healer.

Take care of yourself, you deserve to be happy.

Person_one

It sounds like things are as good as they can be, I'm glad you've been able to come to a sensible arrangement.

I don't think she should be paying council tax though, that's based on occupancy not ownership. As you live there alone you can apply for a 25% single person discount, have you?

Good luck with your career plans.

justme111

Magic , how in two weeks time one has eliminated everything she has not liked about one for years ..(Sarcasm )
Change needs to demonstrated , not declared. Then you would stand a chance may be. Not a good idea to tell you changed linking it with you asking her back either.
She is distant because she does not want her feelings to get her back where she was and where she does not like. Besides , you would be interpreting everything she does now : "o , she smiled , she might come back" and she wants to avoid sending you mixed messages.

Read the rest - well she lost her composture , I understand she just wants out of it , well that rough , life is not what one want always. You are so dependent on each other now , you like 2 prisoners who dont get on but are chained together , either of you can make life of other not very pleasant , that's what she probably realised , panicked and started shouting. Shame you can not be calm as if you would he she would have calmed down as well.

justme111

So she is paying mortgage and council tax on a house she does not live in and you pay your broadband and fuel ? Well I can think about one or two reasons why she might wanted out ..