Girlfriend of Eight Years Left Me - Just Bought A House

RAS

C22DTJ

Well consider response and I do hope that you can come to a reasonable conclusion eventually.

It would be lovely if all those breaking up who post here (and their exs) were able to be so considered in their management of the breakdown.

justme111

C22DTJ wrote: »

I was reluctant to reply here since I don't want the thread to just turn into drama.

@Justme - Thanks for suggesting that I'm the type of person who demands that my other half supports me. That is quite untrue and couldn't be further from the reality. She openly accepted that she signed into a legally binding contract (the mortgage) in which she is obliged to pay her share until she is no longer legally associated with the property. She has offered to pay the council tax and insurance for the same reason. The bills, broadband etc are being paid for by me.

As for changing my previous problems, I completely agree that demonstrable action is the only evidence of a change. It's just a shame that I cannot show her the changes because we're obviously no longer together. I am far from 'perfect' but I'm a definite improvement on the guy I'd become.

She has also openly admitted that she should never have signed the mortgage as she was indeed having doubts about our relationship at the time.

I appreciate that I've been no angel in all of this, but there certainly hasn't been a "bad guy" in the breakup. Perhaps that is what has made it so tough, neither of us have any reason to be particularly hostile, so it's up to us to just slowly let prior feelings fade.

In your post you said she paid mortgage you paid fuel. So it looked to.me as if she paid the whole.mortgage herself. Glad for you two if I was wrong. You do.mot need to live with someone to show that you changed.

C22DTJ

justme111 wrote: »

In your post you said she paid mortgage you paid fuel. So it looked to.me as if she paid the whole.mortgage herself.

Yeah sorry, I worded it badly.

I did indeed mean that we would be paying half each for the mortgage/CT/insurance, and I'd be paying all of the gas/elec/water/broadband/phone etc myself.

C22DTJ

Checking back in again because I'm feeling good and want to share things.

Up until last week, I'd been in hell, couldn't stop contacting her, accusing her of moving on too quick, still pleading with her to come back. Needless to say I was in a dark place and clearly just pushing her further and further away.

I began to come to my senses last week and thought "hey, I need to start being resaonable about this, she left me because she no longer loves me, no reason for any hate on either side".

So, I stopped being a d**k and apologised, then let things just go how they needed to go. She got in touch a couple days ago and came round for an hour or so last night to talk about stuff, mainly the house we need to sell.

It was amazing. We talked, had a little laugh, made the same jokes we used to. I got a very pronounced sense of her not really being into me at all anymore, she avoided eye contact a lot, and occasionally seemed almost preoccupied and that was a very surreal experience, given that only a few weeks prior she'd sat in the same spot looking at me with loved-up, puppy dog eyes. But, the important part is that we communicated like adults, and I think the satisfaction from being able to do so was mutual.

She then texted me later on and said "You know, for the first time in weeks, a friendship actually seems like a possibility", which made me feel so so good.

I still miss her like crazy, and desperately regret that we're no longer together, but as people have rightly said, time is the best healer and I'm beginning to enjoy more frequent moments of clarity.

If friends is all we can be from now on, then that's fine by me.

kelpie35

Well done for how you have and are coping.

You might from time to time feel sad and lonely, but as you have said, time is the best healer.

It will make the selling of your property, in due time, a bit easier if you can remain friends, which I believe is possible.

Try to be happy and enjoy your life.

C22DTJ

Thanks, Kelpie.

Unfortunately, with clarity has come the daunting prospect of dating at 29. I feel like somewhere, Sarah Jessica Parker is penning a column about my life.

It probably begins "The first thing he noticed, was that seemingly all females past the age of 28 are already acquainted with a partner, and/or an arbitrary number of children".

ognum

C22DTJ wrote: »

Thanks, Kelpie.

Unfortunately, with clarity has come the daunting prospect of dating at 29. I feel like somewhere, Sarah Jessica Parker is penning a column about my life.

It probably begins "The first thing he noticed, was that seemingly all females past the age of 28 are already acquainted with a partner, and/or an arbitrary number of children".

Well done for looking realistically at your situation, you have moved on a long way.

Just to say there are plenty of late 20s women around who are not in relationships and have no children. Many women like you will have 'a past' and have been in previous relationships but that is just life experience.

Good luck, keep going and try and enjoy your journey!

Person_one

C22DTJ wrote: »

Thanks, Kelpie.

Unfortunately, with clarity has come the daunting prospect of dating at 29. I feel like somewhere, Sarah Jessica Parker is penning a column about my life.

It probably begins "The first thing he noticed, was that seemingly all females past the age of 28 are already acquainted with a partner, and/or an arbitrary number of children".

It would probably do you a lot of good to not even think about 'dating for a long time and just get used to managing by yourself for the first time as an adult.

kelpie35

I am sure the right lady will come your way very soon.

It usually happens when you are least expecting it to.

I wish you well on your journey.

C22DTJ

Person_one wrote: »

It would probably do you a lot of good to not even think about 'dating for a long time and just get used to managing by yourself for the first time as an adult.

Good point.

I guess a big part of me just misses the female company, and all that comes along with it, love, companionship, and of course sex. I mean, it's not like we had a ruthless break that left me terrified of women or indeed hating them. Feels odd to not have that part of my life there anymore.