Girlfriend of Eight Years Left Me - Just Bought A House

Odette

You should definitely ask this girl if she wants the room. You could keep it really informal and give you some company. If anyone asks, shes your live-in therapist. You need to start being decisive and take some action. IMHO sounds like its over with your co-buyer, I am very sorry. Do you have any cash? If you put the house on the market there will be fees. Be strong pal

Cat2011

It sounds unlikely from your posts - but is there any likelihood of you both living in the house and therefore sharing the costs? A friend of mine came out of a long term relationship similar to yours, they couldn't afford to buy each other out or sell, so they continued to live in the house. Yes it's a bit weird and awkward, but the alternative is losing thousands and thousands of pounds.

I'm not sure what the legal situation is if you just say 'no' to selling the house. Perhaps you could visit CAB and ask?

Finally, I realise you still feel for her, but you need to protect yourself. When calculating losses, make sure you take the sale price, then minus the mortgage, then take out your individual deposits, THEN share the losses. Make it very clear that she can't take her ~8k out of the sale and run. And that you also expect her to pay the ~5k each in selling costs etc.

I feel for your situation, it can't be easy. Good luck.

C22DTJ

In all honesty, whilst living together seems like an uncomfortable yet feasible option, it's probably far too rational and sensible for her to consider.

I must admit that her attitude yesterday has encouraged a positivity in me that was previously not present. It's almost slightly easier to begin to accept this and move on while she is being so abrasive.

I just wish she would acknowledge the repercussions of the actions that she has decided to take rather than try to call all the shots and then evenly distribute the fallout.

She's 27, but behaving like a 10 year old.

Mojisola

C22DTJ wrote: »

I must admit that her attitude yesterday has encouraged a positivity in me that was previously not present. It's almost slightly easier to begin to accept this and move on while she is being so abrasive.

I just wish she would acknowledge the repercussions of the actions that she has decided to take rather than try to call all the shots and then evenly distribute the fallout.

She's 27, but behaving like a 10 year old.

To stay strong, just keep that in mind.

C22DTJ

Mojisola wrote: »

To stay strong, just keep that in mind.

What do you mean, Mojisola? Excuse my ignorance.

Mojisola

C22DTJ wrote: »

What do you mean, Mojisola? Excuse my ignorance.

If ever you start to waver and want to give her what she wants, keep in mind that she is the one who has messed up your life and is completely unrepentant about it.

Don't let your feelings for her get in the way of what now needs to be a business-like financial settlement.

C22DTJ

Gotcha, thank you.

If you'd have suggested such a thing last week, I'd have found it difficult to believe but I'm beginning to see the sense in what you're saying.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

If ever you start to waver and want to give her what she wants, keep in mind that she is the one who has messed up your life and is completely unrepentant about it.

Don't let your feelings for her get in the way of what now needs to be a business-like financial settlement.

Is it particularly helpful to encourage the OP to have such an adversarial attitude?

People rarely end relationships just to hurt the other party, they end them because they don't want to be in them anymore, for whatever reason, and they are allowed to do that.

marisco_2

Cat2011 wrote: »

I'm not sure what the legal situation is if you just say 'no' to selling the house.

Legally your ex can ask you to sell the house immediately OP. She could put the house up for sale without your consent, however you would have to sign the papers when it came to the sale.

She can also force the sale by law, but if you were to refuse to agree to this then she would have to go to court. That process takes time and would be expensive. The court might order you to pay her solicitor's costs if things got to that stage.

She could stop paying the mortgage. As you are both jointly liable for repayments, your lender can seek all the mortgage from either party, and would pursue you as you live at the property. As you are no doubt aware getting behind on the mortgage will ruin both your credit records.

Mojisola

C22DTJ wrote: »

Gotcha, thank you.

If you'd have suggested such a thing last week, I'd have found it difficult to believe but I'm beginning to see the sense in what you're saying.

Hard as it must be - because you are probably still in a state of emotional shock - think of her as a business partner who has gone back on a deal. The business partner who pulls out of a deal doesn't get to call the shots if it means you come out of it worse off.