Girlfriend of Eight Years Left Me - Just Bought A House

C22DTJ

Thanks both.

Juniper_berry - I did try and invite her round for dinner, but her words were: "No thanks, that is just weird. Maybe we can be friends in time but I'm not ready yet". That was over a week ago, though, she may have changed her feelings since then. She may, of course, be feeling exactly the same.

Foxwales - Yeah it's certainly tough. I'm having a hard time accepting it's over and moving on, with all the will in the world my heart seems to refuse to accept it. Your suggestions make sense, though.

Fridays and Saturdays are tough, they're the two nights I imagine her out there finding a replacement for me

juniper_berry

Whatever happens remember, that clubs, bars etc are never half as fun and crazy as you imagine them when you're sat at home

Perhaps set yourself a date, a week or a month from now. If she is still set in how she feels by this point set the wheels in motion to move forward. I'd suggest using the time from now until then to work out what options are available and realistic for you, as FoxWales mentioned be it to sell, or change the mortgage to a BTL then buy her out to rent the house out, or find a lodger if you stay etc.

Try and keep busy as best you can, go and see friends or spend some time with family, whichever better suits your mood.

It sucks and I'm sorry you and others go through this, especially if it doesn't work out how you want. However you do have to be focused on what is best for you. She has chosen to leave but she does still have a responsibility to ensure the mortgage/bills are contributed towards.

FoxWales - just wanted to say sorry to hear things didn't work out, you are very strong for getting through it and for keeping your house going. Hope life gives you the happiness you deserve

C22DTJ

Just checking in here after a tough day.

She texted me earlier today to ask if I "Had a clearer head and was willing to decide what was going to happen with the house". I managed to convince her to ring me as I refused to discuss it via text.

What followed was basically ten minutes of her yelling about how she wants to deal with the house. She just wants to get it on the market immediately, even though our only market right now would be cash-paying investors. She seemingly doesn't care about the financial loss. She was as emotionless and cold as she has been every other time I spoke to her. It's quite honestly bizarre how different she is to just a month or so ago. I'm afraid I did a bit of begging, asking her how she could've got us into this mess when she was having doubts, she just said "My feelings changed, feelings do".

I then sat down with my Dad and put together a spreadsheet of the financials, it's not pretty at all. Assuming we sold it for £5k MORE than we bought it for (with all the new furniture/fittings in it), we'd make a £14K loss on our original ~£40K investment after fees and penalties.

If we split that loss 50/50 and then took back our original individual investments, she'd walk away with about £200, and I'd have about £24K. In principle that looks like I'm coming away with a significant sum of money, except that I owe my Dad £10K from that, leaving me with less than £15K of an initial £32,500 or so investment.

The lender (Barclays/Woolwich) flatly refused the option of transferring the mortgage into one of our names and removing the other. They also refused any kind of conversion to buy to let. Permission to let is also unlikely for the foreseeable future.

So, I think the moral of this story is quite clear.

Wilma33

Would either of your parents or a sibling or good friend be able to take on the mortgage with you? Could the living room be turned into a decent size second bedroom for a lodger? Sorry you are having a hard time

Wilma33

Remember that a lodger doesn't have to be a stranger. Any friends looking for somewhere to live?

C22DTJ

Wilma33 wrote: »

Would either of your parents or a sibling or good friend be able to take on the mortgage with you? Could the living room be turned into a decent size second bedroom for a lodger? Sorry you are having a hard time

Unfortunately not.

Parents are too close to retirement age for their salaries to cover the borrowing. I don't think I have any friends I would want to ask either.

A lodger might be possible, I do know a girl currently looking, but not sure what would happen with the mortgage. The only real option that the bank are giving us is that it stays exactly as it is, which my ex clearly doesn't want.

Mojisola

C22DTJ wrote: »

A lodger might be possible, I do know a girl currently looking, but not sure what would happen with the mortgage. The only real option that the bank are giving us is that it stays exactly as it is, which my ex clearly doesn't want.

I don't think she has any hope of getting what she wants.

It's horrible that someone you love has turned so cold so quickly but it sounds as if you are going to have to start protecting your own interests. It needs both of you to agree to sell so do what's right for you.

Wilma33

Oh, a female lodger, that will upset the ex

Even if you sell, it's going to take a while. So I think a lodger is the only option you have for the short-term. If you know someone who is looking then I think you need to go with that.

marisco_2

C22DTJ wrote: »

What followed was basically ten minutes of her yelling about how she wants to deal with the house. She just wants to get it on the market immediately, even though our only market right now would be cash-paying investors. She seemingly doesn't care about the financial loss. She was as emotionless and cold as she has been every other time I spoke to her.

You are still thinking in couple mode. She clearly isn't. You have been made painfully aware of her wants, needs and desires. What is it that you want to happen with the house? Did you get a chance to put your opinions across and come away feeling they were taken on board and will be considered, or were your views drowned out in her yelling and ignored? You have rights in this situation and shouldn't be railroaded into decisions that will be costly to your future financial security. Stand your ground.

C22DTJ

Thanks for the replies.

I was just about to ask, what are the outcomes/implications if this does go legal?

She has mentioned that she will seek a solicitor if things don't go the way she wants, and I want to know where I stand if things go that way. Obviously I hope they don't, and at this stage, I don't think they will, but who knows what might happen.