Girlfriend of Eight Years Left Me - Just Bought A House

Person_one

marisco wrote: »

I seriously question whether your ex has done the same, after all no-one is faultless. If she valued your relationship why did she not raise any issues, upsets or concerns with you as they came up? It would seem that she let a lot of resentment build up over time. To let things go as far as you two buying a property together, when she clearly had huge doubts and misgivings about being with you, was totally dishonest and to be straight with you very selfish of her. If you are as unsure about a relationship as she was, you don't let someone make a huge financial and emotional commitment to you, and encourage them to think they are going to share a future with you. That is cruel.

I very much doubt that the ex let the sale go through in order to be cruel to the OP, after all, she stands to lose a lot too, what would be the point?

C22DTJ

That's true actually.

I dunno, I mean, I'm not completely averse, just the idea seems a little uncomfortable. As you say though, if it's the best way, it's probably worth looking into.

Yorkie1

From you say, she made the decision to enter a 25-year long (or whatever the length of the mortgage duration is) commitment on £000s of money when she had had doubts about the relationship. The very least I think she can do is to continue paying the mortgage until the 6 months is up. To do otherwise is self-centred in the extreme. She could have chosen to walk away and not involve you both in financial distress until you exchanged, probably not more than 5-6 weeks ago.

I know you love her and want to to your best to encourage her to come back, but if she's made her mind up you need to try to stick up for your own interests financially by making her realise the consequences of the actions she chose to do without talking any of it through with you.

Mojisola

Yorkie1 wrote: »

From you say, she made the decision to enter a 25-year long (or whatever the length of the mortgage duration is) commitment on £000s of money when she had had doubts about the relationship.

The very least I think she can do is to continue paying the mortgage until the 6 months is up. To do otherwise is self-centred in the extreme.

She could have chosen to walk away and not involve you both in financial distress until you exchanged, probably not more than 5-6 weeks ago.

Absolutely right! Buying a house isn't something that happens quickly and she would have had plenty of time to suggest they call a halt for a while.

The only thing I can think of is that she panicked when the reality of being a home owner in a long term relationship hit her.

C22DTJ - all I can suggest is that you give her some space, get a lodger in to the big bedroom and try to get on with your life. She may realise that she's made a mistake.

If she doesn't, you've already started on the next stage of your life.

I know it may be the shock of her leaving that has helped your OCD but is there any chance that there were stresses in the relationship that were making the OCD worse?

Mojisola

C22DTJ wrote: »

The second reason is money. My Grandad donated a significant portion of our £35,000 deposit. He has now passed away which makes the prospect of losing a lot of that money through early sale even worse.

Your solicitor was very remiss if he/she didn't discuss with you whether you wanted to protect your Grandad's financial gift to you.

C22DTJ

Thanks, Mojisola.

I'm not sure if the stress was affecting my OCD, rather than the other way round. I think it was certainly letting me "get away with it" because I almost had no reason to try and tackle it. As I said, though, now she's gone, my OCD hasn't been an issue, I think because my thoughts are suddenly enveloped in missing her, rather than whether I need to wash my hands, for the 100th time, for example.

Yeah the solicitor didn't really flag it up, she wanted a letter from my Grandad explaining that he didn't have any financial interest in the property, but didn't make any suggestions as to the implications should things go as badly as they have done. I guess she assumed we were aware of them, which we were I suppose, but at least one of us couldn't have dreamed that it would ever be something we'd actually need to worry about... oh how wrong I was.

Mojisola

C22DTJ wrote: »

Yeah the solicitor didn't really flag it up, she wanted a letter from my Grandad explaining that he didn't have any financial interest in the property, but didn't make any suggestions as to the implications should things go as badly as they have done. I guess she assumed we were aware of them, which we were I suppose, but at least one of us couldn't have dreamed that it would ever be something we'd actually need to worry about... oh how wrong I was.

Not good enough! You were paying her for her knowledge and she should have explained the difference between the two ways of owning property and/or checked whether you wanted to secure your money in any other way.

Person_one

That said, the two of you should really have had a proper chat before buying the property about what would happen if you separated.

Too late now of course, but in the future don't enter into any kind of financial agreement without working out all possible eventualities!

Mojisola

Before you get into another relationship - or back into this one - work your way through this site - https://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/

burnoutbabe

you could rent it out and NOT tell your mortgage lender for a while. plenty of people do that in similar circs. Not ideal, but maybe the easiest way.