Girlfriend of Eight Years Left Me - Just Bought A House

Person_one

Would your ex be able to take on the mortgage alone?

tonycottee

C22DTJ wrote: »

Finding a lodger is impossible unless said lodger is willing to sleep in my bed.

If I can be big spoon, you've got yourself a lodger!

C22DTJ

I'm glad this thread has been steered towards relationship advice because I think I was truly crying out for that as much as I was financial advice on the house.

As it stands, I honestly have no idea if she will come back. I have already eliminated every problem she had with me, and can show her that should she come back. The problem is that the breakup, although sudden, resulted from a fairly lengthy decline into, as I said, complacency and me not giving her the attention she wanted. We would spend almost every evening home, often more or less doing our own thing. The only time we really spent together was at the dinner table and in bed. The physical attraction never died, and she has since admitted that the "spark" between us is as strong as it ever has been.

But, and it's a big but, she has reaffirmed on numerous occasions since parting ways that she wants to "rebuild her life". It's genuinely unfortunate that she feels like she must do this without me, but I guess it probably feels like the only way, given the experience of the past year or so.

It's so difficult to tell how she is feeling. I've only spoken to her twice since she left, and both times, she has just been incredibly cold and emotionless. Difficult to describe, but "distanced". The best way to describe it is that when we spoke, it felt like I was talking to a stranger, almost. A very surreal and unsettling experience when it is actually someone I have spoken to with a shared love for so many years.

I have sent her long emails explaining that I have changed, but I don't think it's working. She has just immediately shut down all requests to try and rebuild things. At this stage, you're perhaps wondering if there is anyone else. I don't know, and could never know for certain but she has said that there is not. I believe her, and I think she'd be honest if there was.

Believe me, though, I would do anything for her to come back, I just hope I get the chance to prove that.

@Person_one - No, we're stretched to the limits as it is. We'd been desperate to get a house (or apparently one of us was) for a long time, so the second we could mutually afford it, we went for it.

Person_one

Its completely up to her whether she comes back or not, I think you need to proceed as though she won't be. I know its hard, but its out of your hands now.

Could you both move out to parents and rent out the house for a year to avoid some of the pitfalls of an early sale? If neither of you could afford to buy on your own anyway, there's no rush, neither of you need the capital out urgently for a deposit.

C22DTJ

It's a good option, but unfortunately our lender won't give us permission to let until the 6 month mark. I'm not sure she's wanting to continue paying her share until then.

lika_86

C22DTJ wrote: »

It's a good option, but unfortunately our lender won't give us permission to let until the 6 month mark. I'm not sure she's wanting to continue paying her share until then.

She's jointly liable for it whether or not she wants to.

angelsmomma

Gigglepig wrote: »

Hmmm... i think i would look at moving into the smallest bedroom myself (get a single bed with storage under) and get a lodger who could use the main bedroom as a bedsit. If you really want to keep the house and take it on yourself. And look at how to decrease other spending and get a better paid job or additional part time job. Might not be possible but worth looking into if you can knuckle down for a year or two and later afford the house on your own.

This is what I do, my lodger has the double room, my son the next biggest room (to contain all his stuff from leaking into the communal areas) and me the tiny single.

It is worth it to keep the house.

C22DTJ

lika_86 wrote: »

She's jointly liable for it whether or not she wants to.

Good point. The only thing that worries me is that she'll just stop paying, resulting in a default that affects us both. I'm hoping that she would never do such a thing, though, as I know she values her own credit rating as much as I do mine.

FatVonD

I'd move into the single room and rent out the other giving the rent to your GF all the while she is still paying her half of the mortgage. ~IF she stops then use the rent to pay her half.

RAS

Was the house taken on tenants in common or joint tenancy?