Woulld you expect ex partner to have a school uniform?

duchy

The OP has to WANT to avoid problems first

I have no doubt she chose the day deliberately she's basically a drama lama.No thought for the son at all and the problems choosing an access day will (as she has confirmed) cause.
Now we have the veilled threat to tell her son about the divorce finances trying to stir up more trouble instead of distancing herself from her toxic relationship. Trying to get a child to take sides.....disgusting and rather desperate. I wonder what her future husband thinks about all this.

She'll be back in a couple of years complaining her husband got peed off with her constant arguing with her ex and left and her relationship with her son is terrible because he calls her controlling and prefers to spend time with his Dad....and she'll still be insisting she's right !!

peachyprice

Claire212 wrote: »

But if the NRP puts there own needs first, and acts like a complete p***k what do we do then?

You be the bigger person.

This power struggle fiasco with the uniform is not being the bigger person, it's behaving no better than him.

I believe that my son is not yet ready to be told his Dad only has him overnight to reduce his mantenance payments so he will never agree to any request that he doesn't stay overnight without having to give a night back.

Your ex has told you this?

And I don't think that he is old enough for an economics lesson, regarding me paying off the 'old house' and that the maintenance does not, as his Dad says cover his weekly costs and that I can't afford Xbox/School based on what his father gives me. Because his Dad will lie. And short of showing him my bank statement, he had no reason to doubt his father.

Why would you even discuss this with your child?

You seem to mis-understand what being factual with your child means. It doesn't mean that you tell them all the bad stuff about your ex just to score brownie point for yourself.

You are playing a very dangerous game, none of us are perfect and I'm sure there are equally bad 'factual' things your ex could tell your son about you with his own spin.

meer53

OP, you HAVE to rise above this. Listen to what people who have been through this are saying. I'm one of them, what you're doing is absolutely the wrong thing. Believe me.

Get on with your new life, and let your ex get on with his, for your sons sake. Stop creating issues where there are none, lots of us are in deep financial !!!!, constantly moaning and harping on about it isn't going to change things. Neither is the cost of a bl**dy school uniform.

You must be miserable on a daily basis, what sort of life is that ? Oh wait, it's a life you're choosing to live isn't it ?

System

Oh jeez,

the OP expects the ex to have a school uniform. The ex doesn't see why he should have a school uniform and the son doesn't want to drag his uniform to his Dads.

For goodness sake... you expect childish behaviour from a child but not a couple of adults!

Claire212

silvercar wrote: »

You have to live with this guy in your life for the sake of your son.



It is not unreasonable for the NRP to look after their child when the PWC is hospitalised.



So he is prepared to pay money out for his son - misguided in giving an iphone to a youngster, but still.



So knowing that you have difficulties changing contact time, you planned your wedding day for a day when NRP should have your son! Bad planning - would have been easier to avoid this probkem from the start.

He is prepared to fork out money to buy something for our son that I had said no to, and couldn't possibly afford because I'm paying off his debts.

No, I didn't plan my wedding on a day that he has access, however when my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last year also on a day that wasn't his day either, he decided to take him on holiday to whitby, with no notice, just rang me, and said he had no means of bringing him back. Expencting the same thing to happen in march.

Claire212

peachyprice wrote: »

You be the bigger person.

This power struggle fiasco with the uniform is not being the bigger person, it's behaving no better than him.




Your ex has told you this?



Why would you even discuss this with your child?

You seem to mis-understand what being factual with your child means. It doesn't mean that you tell them all the bad stuff about your ex just to score brownie point for yourself.

You are playing a very dangerous game, none of us are perfect and I'm sure there are equally bad 'factual' things your ex could tell your son about you with his own spin.

I have his exact words quoted verbatum in the mediation notes. "I want him for 104 nights a year. That way I get a decent reduction in my maintenance!" Lovely isn't it.

According to his Dad I am a money grabbing W***e. My son was told this by his fathers recent girlfriend...He tells them all that I am the reson he lost everything.

What exactly is factual honesty? Because, I think you have missed my point. I too could not agree more that it is not appropriate to tell my son all about his father, not that I HAD or was planning to. But what do I say when he asks for something I cant afford when his Dad is telling him he has paid me money and I should have plenty and am obviously using it on my daughter instead of his because we love her more.... Any advice?

It annoys me when people take bites from posts to suit their own arguement. Because I never said that I would ever do that.

Brighton_belle

It seems to me OP that your ex is a nasty piece of work and you are doing the best you can. It must be very difficult dealing with him.

BitterAndTwisted

Claire212: I think this situation is making you unwell. A situation that you appear to want to be in and are doing your damnedest to perpetuate, whatever the cost.

The only party I feel sorry for is the child in all this. Imagine having two parents who are too infantile to try and agree about anything together? It must be sheer hell. Actually, I know it must be because I was put in precisely the same situation myself many years ago. I found it difficult to forgive either of them for it as their willful selfishness caused so much pain and anguish.

aliasojo

I think you've been given a hard time of it on this thread OP.

I think your ex is an @rse but I also think you've handled things badly with the uniform, probably because of your annoyance with him.

It seems pretty clear to me at least, that someone who thinks it's acceptable for your son to be told about the things that have affected his parents, wont be the best person to expect to be reasonable.

So why engage in a power struggle with someone like this? It's foolish. Pick your battles in life and save your energy for the ones that matter. This one doesn't.

Alternative scenario:

Him: If you want uniform here you need to pay for it.

You: Ok.

Him: Oh.

End of scenario.

Yes, you might feel a bit hard done to but that feeling will pass a damn sight quicker than a drawn out argument will.

FBaby

I too could not agree more that it is not appropriate to tell my son all about his father, not that I HAD or was planning to. But what do I say when he asks for something I cant afford when his Dad is telling him he has paid me money and I should have plenty and am obviously using it on my daughter instead of his because we love her more.... Any advice?

I don't agree with that. I think at 13, your son is old enough to know facts. What he should be shielded from his bitter comments, however, nothing wrong in saying matter of factly that yes his dad provides some support each month to the amount of x for him and that this goes towards x, y and z, and therefore there isn't a lot left to pay for extras.

It is clear that you are both totally set on doing anything to wind each other up and you seem to be doing a grand job at it. It could have been me and my ex, but I refused to bait. As a result, when he is in his best mood, he can even actually do things to help me some times as long as I don't ask for any money and it doesn't cost him anything (in money, time or energy). I can't help wondering how long it will take for your son to tell you both that he is fed up with both of you and can't wait to go as far away from both.