exs new partner on dodgy websites?

sassyblue

Pthree wrote: »

I dont understand why everyone is giving the OP such a hard time, there is thread after thread after thread on here where people say they wish they had known sooner about a spouse cheating, being devasted finding out that friends knew and said nothing.

If she had seen a female friend's OH on a dodgy website I am pretty sure everyone would be saying tell her.

Is this just because he is an ex and not just a "friend"?

I agree, l would have told the ex too. Not sent the photos straight away but l'm sure the end result would hve been the same, he'd have wanted to see the evidence and his girlfriend would deny it all.....

And l agree with the OP on her kids too, l might be old fashioned - or just have some class - but l'd rather not have someone near my kids in a parental role who frequents sites like that so publicly, because when she gets found out and people gossip l wouldn't want my kids names mentioned alongside hers..... no thankyou!

Depends how old the kids are too, if they're teenage someone elses kid would tell them.....

Person_one

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

I personally think you did the right thing.

Whether it's interferring or not, I think I'd prefer to know all of the facts then it's my decision to decide how to deal with the situation.

I agree.

Whenever this sort of thing comes up I always believe that people have the right to know the truth about their relationships and make a decision based on all the information.

Sending pictures seems a tad dramatic though, but what's done it done.

stir_crazy

sassyblue wrote: »

I agree, l would have told the ex too. Not sent the photos straight away but l'm sure the end result would hve been the same, he'd have wanted to see the evidence and his girlfriend would deny it all.....

And l agree with the OP on her kids too, l might be old fashioned - or just have some class - but l'd rather not have someone near my kids in a parental role who frequents sites like that so publicly, because when she gets found out and people gossip l wouldn't want my kids names mentioned alongside hers..... no thankyou!

Depends how old the kids are too, if they're teenage someone elses kid would tell them.....

But it wasn't being done publicly. This "friend" just happened to be using that site too and if he hadn't led the OP on then chances are nobody would have found out.

I agree that I would want to know if my partner was possibly using these sites, but, at the same time, if an ex sent on some dodgy links or pictures about a new partner then I would be wondering why they had made it their business to know these sorts of details.

pearl123

I'm glad this girl has gone to the police, as her human rights have very possibly been breached. If it was just an adult chat site then that is perfectly legal profession providing she is 18 years old.

I've only put this up as a reminder. I'm well aware that thousands upon thousands of people breach human right rules every day.

The Declaration


All individuals within Europe, including sex workers, are

entitled to the following rights under international human rights

law. All European Governments are obliged to respect, protect

and fulfil:


I. The right to life, liberty and security of person

II. The right to be free from arbitrary interference with

one’s private and family life, home or

correspondence and from attacks on honour and

reputation

III. The right to the highest attainable standard of

physical and mental health

IV. The right to freedom of movement and residence

V. The right to be free from slavery, forced labour and

servitude

VI. The right to equal protection of the law and

protection against discrimination and any incitement

to discrimination under any of the varied and

intersecting status of gender, race, citizenship,

sexual orientation etc

VII. The right to marry and found a family


http://resources.tampep.eu/documents/Declaration_booklet_colour.pdf

Mojisola

Brewstersmum wrote: »

tonight I got sent a picture of my exs new girlfriend (3 months together and engaged) on one of them dodgy meet up for sex sites. it states she was online within the last few hours and answering flirty questions.

the person who sent it to me is a mutual friend of mine and my exs and does frequent the sites (whatever floats his boat)

stir_crazy wrote: »

I agree that I would want to know if my partner was possibly using these sites, but, at the same time, if an ex sent on some dodgy links or pictures about a new partner then I would be wondering why they had made it their business to know these sorts of details.

That's why a phone call starting "X (mutual friend) has sent me something I think you'd want to know about" would have been my preferred route - it explains how Brewstersmum's got the information and puts the stirring stick in X's hands while giving the ex and his gf time to sort things out before he moves in with her.

sassyblue

stir_crazy wrote: »

But it wasn't being done publicly. This "friend" just happened to be using that site too and if he hadn't led the OP on then chances are nobody would have found out.

I agree that I would want to know if my partner was possibly using these sites, but, at the same time, if an ex sent on some dodgy links or pictures about a new partner then I would be wondering why they had made it their business to know these sorts of details.

Whether you have to subscribe to see it is irrelevant, by the nature of the internet she was doing it publicly.

Wondering why my ex sent that stuff would be way down the list, the importance would be finding out if my current partner has been unfaithful, how many times and whether they used protection....

besides, the OP explained how she got that stuff and it's really not of any detriment to her.

TeamLowe

Personally, I would have found a way to contact ex's partner to say 'friend has found these pictures on an adult website and I just wanted you to know in case someone had stolen them and your name'

Then if it wasn't her profile, she can do what she needs to to get it taken down.
if it is, and her and ex have an open relationship, then *hopefully* she'd appreciate the spirit in which the message was intended, or at least it wouldn't start WW3.
and if it is her profile but ex doesn't know, well that's between them and hopefully would give her a shock to not do it/be more careful. I'm usually all for telling the cheated on partner but the can of worms here is too huge and you don't know it's definitely her behind the profile.

fake_smile

I think people are being a little harsh on the OP here. This isn't just her ex, this is the father of her children, love him or not she is bound to still care.

I do qeuestion how quick you were to pass this information on and it could look like you couldn't wait to forward this information on.

I would definitely have instructed mutual friend to forward it. If she hadn't have said anything and it all came out, OP would probably have been hung drawn and quartered for that too.

It's easy to react quickly to situations and then question your actions like OP is now doing.

Moral of the story is to think before acting! Also it's probably best to stay out of exes affairs

Brewstersmum

Mojisola wrote: »

That's why a phone call starting "X (mutual friend) has sent me something I think you'd want to know about" would have been my preferred route - it explains how Brewstersmum's got the information and puts the stirring stick in X's hands while giving the ex and his gf time to sort things out before he moves in with her.

I didn't just send him a pic of his GF with her bits out lol im not that harsh. I text asking if he was at home etc as someone had sent me something that's not great. he asked me to send it him. the picture is just his GFs face and an advert for casual sex stating she is a single female, a bit like POF but for sex. it doesn't mean she is sex worker, just someone who likes no strings encounters. if they did meet that way then like said its none of my business. when I spoke to my ex about it, I explained I didn't want to be involved but what exactly would he do if he had this information about my partner? the fact was, it was sunday night, I was watching ex factor, then all of a sudden im involved in a can of worms I really didn't want to be.

nothing more has been said about the matter and I don't want to know but I have told my ex im happy for his GF to send the police round if they need a statement.

Brewstersmum

Guest101 wrote: »

Kids mixed up in what?

She's not dealing drugs or on the game.

I really fail to see how you justify this using your kids. Either you have serious concerns for their well being, in which case there are definitely better courses of action. Or you don't, in which case you leave it alone.

Just because you and your current partner would want to know, doesnt mean you should embarass his new partner like this.

You and your ex split up and your kids are fine, why would they be messed up if he split up with his new partner now?? that isnt logical!

I don't have concerns for my children, they are happy and well adjusted but I am concerned that if my ex was to give up his housing association home near to the kids school he could end up homeless very quickly if this woman is meeting other people for sex. he wouldn't be able to get another property, would end up in private rents nowhere near the kids school and he would struggle to pay his bills as rent is very high in that area.

the children always have a home here but it miles from there school and friends