Does it make parents look better' if their child goes to university?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

pukkamum wrote: »

Unfortunately a lot of parents feel it does, hence the glut of graduates with mickey mouse 'media' degrees, thinking they should be working in an office earning 20k plus.

The reality is that most of these would have been better off getting a trade, but of course that isn't good enough for a lot of middle class parents.

Incorrect. I trained in a trade [civil engineering] and was on £14k. I scrimped and saved and worked all the hours I could to send myself to uni, got a mickey mouse degree [yes, combined honours and it included media] and was earning £50k within 2 years of getting my degree. I was already on £35k by the time I graduated.

Just getting a degree [ears or no ears] shows your abilities and puts you further up the earnings ladder by giving you an actual ladder. Which just having a trade doesn't do by any stretch of the imagination.

Ames

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes I was quite surprised when a friend of our son did not go to university as he was very bright.

His mother told me that they could not afford for him to go as he had to go out and get a job when he left school.

They were not a 'poor' family so this came as a huge surprise to me.

It was nothing to do with money, she just didn't want us mixing with people from other backgrounds. She thought we'd change and look down on her and she'd lose us. She didn't even go to my sister's graduation.

Alikay

I'd say that it probably is a middle class stereotype for kids to go off to a good redbrick university at 18, but I don't know that it necessarily makes parents look "better". We probably fit the modern middle class stereotype with our big detached house, 2 nearly new cars (one is even a 5 series BMW ) DH's job and our interests etc, but none of children followed the school-then-uni route: DD is a nurse (she did go to the local uni, but nursing is a vocational course, not a typical academic degree), DS1 went straight into work and is now a web designer and DS2 cut short his A level studies to join the RAF.

Whether it makes us look bad, I don't know. Certainly our friends haven't questioned it. We're just pleased that at 25, 22 and 19 our offspring are living happy, useful, independent lives which to me means they're successful.

Dunroamin

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Why?

It would not make me feel 'guilty'.

I think that it would make many people feel a failure as a parent, rightly or wrongly, and think that they could have offered more support or guidance with the young person's education.

scooby088

I had no aspirations to further my education and left school with decent gcse's almost 23 years ago, I work and earn money, I do what my parents did before me. It doesn't matter if I got a degree or anything else. I guess my parents would be proud of me no matter what.

jellyhead

Ames wrote: »

It was nothing to do with money, she just didn't want us mixing with people from other backgrounds. She thought we'd change and look down on her and she'd lose us. She didn't even go to my sister's graduation.

My inlaws 'lost' both of their children when they went to uni. They didn't change or look down on their working class roots, but they never moved back to their home town. They both visit often though, so parents don't actually 'lose' their children. My inlaws are happy that their children are confident and out there living their lives

fluffnutter

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Strange question I know.

My neighbour (several doors down - let's call her Anne,) said a few months back that her daughter was going to uni, and she had been sorting her student finance and had been looking at accommodation etc. I was surprised, as she didn't attend college half the time. Anyway, I digress.

So fastforward to mid August. She got her A level results. She got an E grade and 2 U grades! So she said she is not going to go. Her mother asked her to try and get clearing courses, but she said she wanted to go to a specific uni, or her insurance only. She has since gone to see about signing on to JSA.

Well Anne has gone ballistic, saying her daughter has let her down and made her look stupid in the eyes of her peers and her family. (Anne has 2 older siblings who both have a child at uni - one has now left.) I asked her what difference it makes to anyone or anything that her daughter is now not going, and she said she has embarrassed her, and let her and her father down, and she feels like telling her 2 older siblings that her daughter 'has' gone to uni. (They live 150 to 200 miles away, but still, I am sure they would find out!)

The upshot is, that Anne thinks that it reflects better on you, if your child goes to uni, it makes you look more of a success, and it makes you look like a better person, and gives you a more 'middle class' appearance.

Well yeah. It probably does, but only social climbers would worry about it.

All that aside... the daughter screws up her A levels so the next step is... signing on? Um, isn't the next step look for a job?

Tropez

By the time you are of an age to attend university, you should be judged on your own merits, your own decisions and your own success or lack of.

My parents instilled certain values in me and tried to teach me a certain way of behaving but I am my own person, some things I choose to do differently to the way they would have me do them, and some of their beliefs I simply do not share.

My position in my life now is all on me, not them. I won't deny they gave me a positive base from which to work from but like any other opportunity the results are what the individual concerned makes for themselves both positive and negative.

I didn't go to University. I opted in my early 20s to study with the OU instead, when I finally had half an idea what I was interested in and when I decided to take the chance to improve my position. It's worked out okay, yet at approaching 30 I'd do completely different courses now if I could go back in time - once again, that's on me.

Parents who feel that their reputation is at stake if their kids grow up and do something they disapprove of generally seem to want to live vicariously through their children - I don't believe this is healthy.

Person_one

fluffnutter wrote: »

Well yeah. It probably does, but only social climbers would worry about it.

All that aside... the daughter screws up her A levels so the next step is... signing on? Um, isn't the next step look for a job?

Signing on is something you do while looking for a job. The clue is in the name of job seeker's allowance.

maman

Is it just me that thinks who talk about 'uni' shouldn't be allowed to go there!;)