Does it make parents look better' if their child goes to university?

Callie22

My family (particularly my grandparents) weren't that happy at all that I went to uni. My 'role' in life was to work for the family business and they were very annoyed when I decided to leave. My family does not have a history of going to university and so they were not that supportive about it - to them, education is not really that important and I had to fight a bit to even do A-Levels, as they were determined to push me towards a more vocational course at 16 as they felt that would be more useful. I have nothing at all against vocational courses, but I knew that I had no interest in hairdressing or nursery nursing and I didn't want to do it, I wanted to do academic A-Levels and go to university. So I did, and I eventually got to uni as a mature student. Some people in my family are still a bit annoyed with me even though my degree has (eventually) led to a fairly well-paid office job - I'm often told that 'sitting on your a**e isn't working'. It can be a little disheartening when your family don't support you.

mumps

I left school at 15 and was a mum by 18. By 21 I had two kids, a mortgage, a job and was studying part time at the local poly, I was lucky as my employer paid my fees and gave me day release. I didn't push my kids to go to university but I did make them aware of how hard it is if you decide you need qualifications when you also need to be a parent and earn a living.

3 of my 4 are graduates, two with post grad qualifications, one is about to start their third year. Only one went straight to university, two had a gap year and one had a gap .......... about 5 years I think. I am proud of them all but struggle to remember GCSE results and A level results (except for the one who got all A but that is easy to remember). I was proud at all the graduations but confess that I will be relieved when the last one is done next year, I think with post grads I have done 5 so far.

I don't think it reflects any glory on me and I don't judge what other people do. I do hate it when people judge what other people study. One example was a friend's son who did a course in surfing at Plymouth. Well it was ridiculed, people seemed to think he just went surfing, no idea about the design skills and physics skills involved in designing top rate boards. Some people felt a bit sick at the opportunities that young man had, including a scholarship for post grad at a good American university. Another lad at the school went to a top rated uni and got a degree in Classics. He is currently working in a local shop.

I don't have anything against the more traditional subjects just think respect is a two way street. I always wonder about people who need to put down what other people's kids choose to study or make judgements without any idea of what is involved. The comments on here about Art Therapy are a good example of this, I mean if you don't know anything about it how can you judge if it is useful or difficult?

I know a very good doctor who often laughs about how he has had a successful career and that he wouldn't get on a medical degree course now. He started his degree in the late 60s and says he A levels were dire, I don't know as he won't tell us what they were.
I don't know what grades were needed for medicine in those days but he says it wasn't the hardest degree to get on in those days.

An interesting point for people who equate financial reward with success with my own is the one who went to the lowest rated uni and has no post grad qualifications is the one who is earning the most. I have always preferred job satisfaction myself.

poet123

mumps wrote: »

I left school at 15 and was a mum by 18. By 21 I had two kids, a mortgage, a job and was studying part time at the local poly, I was lucky as my employer paid my fees and gave me day release. I didn't push my kids to go to university but I did make them aware of how hard it is if you decide you need qualifications when you also need to be a parent and earn a living.

That is also what we did. Both of us did degrees when we had a young family and it was damned hard work. Having done that we also made our kids aware that the best and easiest time to do further study was when they were young with no other commitments.

mumps wrote: »

3 of my 4 are graduates, two with post grad qualifications, one is about to start their third year. Only one went straight to university, two had a gap year and one had a gap .......... about 5 years I think. I am proud of them all but struggle to remember GCSE results and A level results (except for the one who got all A but that is easy to remember). I was proud at all the graduations but confess that I will be relieved when the last one is done next year, I think with post grads I have done 5 so far.

We are on the last lap (although not the home straight by any means) as our youngest has just started college. I will also be relieved when they are all out of education

mumps wrote: »

I don't think it reflects any glory on me and I don't judge what other people do. I do hate it when people judge what other people study. One example was a friend's son who did a course in surfing at Plymouth. Well it was ridiculed, people seemed to think he just went surfing, no idea about the design skills and physics skills involved in designing top rate boards. Some people felt a bit sick at the opportunities that young man had, including a scholarship for post grad at a good American university. Another lad at the school went to a top rated uni and got a degree in Classics. He is currently working in a local shop.

I see what you are saying here, but in my experience that isn't the norm. My sons and their friends who graduated with specific career roles in mind and with relevant degrees have all found jobs in their chosen fields. That isn't true of those who did other degrees, whilst they have jobs they are not in the fields they would wish them to be.

mumps wrote: »

I don't have anything against the more traditional subjects just think respect is a two way street. I always wonder about people who need to put down what other people's kids choose to study or make judgements without any idea of what is involved. The comments on here about Art Therapy are a good example of this, I mean if you don't know anything about it how can you judge if it is useful or difficult?

Agreed.

mumps wrote: »

I know a very good doctor who often laughs about how he has had a successful career and that he wouldn't get on a medical degree course now. He started his degree in the late 60s and says he A levels were dire, I don't know as he won't tell us what they were.
I don't know what grades were needed for medicine in those days but he says it wasn't the hardest degree to get on in those days.

That is very true, but goes back to the % of those who went to University in that era. Only the brightest of the bright actually got there, and A levels of that time were harder and more rigorous. We have a friend who is a senior partner in a law firm, and when our older sons were graduating he was laughing saying his results were nothing like theirs but he had managed to achieve, he also said that had he got those same results today he would not have got a foot in the door of any notable firm.

mumps wrote: »

An interesting point for people who equate financial reward with success with my own is the one who went to the lowest rated uni and has no post grad qualifications is the one who is earning the most. I have always preferred job satisfaction myself.

I agree, you can be paid megabucks but not want to get up in the morning and go in....

That said, if you choose your degree wisely, work hard and excel and have a pinch of good luck,;) you can have the best of both worlds.

Regardless of level of academic or material success surely most parents want their kids just to be happy, content and lead good and productive lives?

Soleil_lune

poet123 wrote: »

Regardless of level of academic or material success surely most parents want their kids just to be happy, content and lead good and productive lives?

Exactly! :T

Dunroamin

paulineb wrote: »

The thing is, some courses are flexible in that the contact time you have there is more minimal. When I did my postgrad in alcohol and drug studies, our hours in the university getting lectures were part time even though the course was full time, we were expected to do a lot of work at home and there was an online learning system where we could access support. .

I appreciate that, I only had one hour of compulsory contact in the third year of my degree and I spent most of it living in Wales and commuting to Essex.

flora48

We need to recognise that university is not for everyone. Other choices, sometimes better choices, for an individual are available.

mumps

poet123 wrote: »

I see what you are saying here, but in my experience that isn't the norm. My sons and their friends who graduated with specific career roles in mind and with relevant degrees have all found jobs in their chosen fields. That isn't true of those who did other degrees, whilst they have jobs they are not in the fields they would wish them to be.




That is very true, but goes back to the % of those who went to University in that era. Only the brightest of the bright actually got there, and A levels of that time were harder and more rigorous. We have a friend who is a senior partner in a law firm, and when our older sons were graduating he was laughing saying his results were nothing like theirs but he had managed to achieve, he also said that had he got those same results today he would not have got a foot in the door of any notable firm.

The young man I was talking about knew exactly what he wanted to do, it was no accident, my point was other people thought it was a waste of time. He knew it wasn't.

I don't think the doctor I am talking about went to university as he was the brightest of the bright. Class came into it in a big way, his father was a doctor, he went to public school and he was a good rugby player. He felt, and I suspect he was right, that these three points had more impact than results. When I said his results were dire I wasn't talking about comparing them to results now, he first told me this in 1970 or 1971 when the results wouldn't have been very different to his cohort in 1966 or 1967.

mumps

Dunroamin wrote: »

I appreciate that, I only had one hour of compulsory contact in the third year of my degree and I spent most of it living in Wales and commuting to Essex.

And now you would be paying £9k for that.

VJsmum

I was the first person in my family to get a degree. It was a vocational degree from an old Poly. I think my parents were extremely proud, and I can't promise they didn't boast a bit. My mother would have loved to have gone and got a degree to pursue a career in teaching but her mother wouldn't / couldn't let her due to finances, so she was especially keen that I had that opportunity. I don't think she thought it made her look better though, she always said she would be proud of all 6 of us as long as we did as well as we were able. THe 6 of us were very different academically, my next oldest brother was a bit of a duffer at school but he has gone on to have a very successful career in the financial sector - earning far more than me. he started his working life in a pipe factory. If I were my mother, I would be prouder of him (though she always maintained her pride was equal )

I have 2 children - a very academically able one and another who finds academic life harder. I have said the same to them as mum said to us - do the best you can and i will be proud. DS (the less academic) wants to be a train driver, actually a very good well paid job with loads of holidays - but hard to get into.

Soleil_lune wrote: »

I think some degrees are harder than others (medical and law and physics and maths etc are hard) and others like media, art, and drama are not as hard.

You see, i knew drama would get in there somewhere. DD wants to pursue acting, and take it from me it is extremely hard to get into and the hours are extremely long - over 30 hours a week, some degree courses barely get to 10. A friend asked why i wasn't going to make her do an academic degree - I am afraid I couldn't even if i was so inclined. It would be like stopping a tidal wave.

Dunroamin wrote: »

You have to put all your GCSE and A level results on the UCAS form, whether fails or not.

Teaching often was good at the Polys, that was their main (sometimes only) purpose in life, which it wasn't for the universities. It's a shame that we ever got rid of the division.

I now work as a lecturer on the same course at that former Poly - I agree with you

Alikay wrote: »

They also ran tons of decent part-time evening and day-release courses which were fully supported by local employers so you could work full-time and progress your career in a relevant direction as opportunities opened up. Both DH and I had no idea what we wanted to do, or even what jobs there were out there as teenagers but we both ended up with good work-related qualifications via part time study at the local 'tech. The classes were rammed with mature students as our area has several large big-name employers and the courses were very highly regarded.

Sadly now that same college seems to offer mainly undergraduate full time degrees to students who don't get high enough grades for the better universities and there seem fewer opportunities to work and study simultaneously.

Many still do offer a variety of routes and courses - our HNC students invariably get the top graded degrees.