Does every family have one?

Saturnalia

ska_lover wrote: »

Yes, I think every family has one

Peter Kay said "Everyone's got an Uncle D***head!" And PK is not wrong on a lot of things!

amus

You can always rely on some over-reaction on MSE!!

OP I think your son staying at home is the right choice, personally when I was a teenager nothing would bore me more than a family gathering, whether there was an uncle nobhead there or not, and yes, most families have them IMO. In fact you will often come across these types in most places, work, the local pub etc.


I agree with other posters who have said its probably a good lesson to learn on how to deal with these people, which IME is to ignore them and their unfunny 'banter'. They usually enjoy it if they get any sort of reaction, either positive or negative.


I wouldn't consider it bullying if he is like this with everyone, for me a key element of bullying is singling out another person, but by the sounds of it he makes 'jokes' about everyone. He is essentially, a nobhead, and that's that.

borkid

I would definitely let your son stay at home. Next time this idiot comes out with his 'jokes' try saying 'do you have to practice being this offensive or does it come naturally?' then walk off.

Unfortunately some people think because they are family they can do anything. Also 'oh it's just uncle x he's like that' isn't an excuse. My OH has a friend who he makes that excuse up for I just avoid his friend and unless I really have to we don't go out as a couple which is a real shame as his wife is lovely. I think it's a bloke thing this' oh but he's like that'.

amus

borkid wrote: »

I would definitely let your son stay at home. Next time this idiot comes out with his 'jokes' try saying 'do you have to practice being this offensive or does it come naturally?' then walk off.

Unfortunately some people think because they are family they can do anything. Also 'oh it's just uncle x he's like that' isn't an excuse. My OH has a friend who he makes that excuse up for I just avoid his friend and unless I really have to we don't go out as a couple which is a real shame as his wife is lovely. I think it's a bloke thing this' oh but he's like that'.

Not really, I'm female and subscribe to the 'oh, he's just like that' line (unless something really oversteps the mark).


I consider it to be a realistic take in that we will come across certain people in all walks of life, some you like, some you don't. You just have to learn how best to deal with those you don't.

thorsoak

LEJC wrote: »

there seems to be a general acceptance of this persons behaviour in my husbands family.

As ive said throughout the thread,he's not my blood relation and have no one on my side of the family who behaves in such a manner....hence a throwback to the title of the thread."does every family have one?...but it seems acceptable to my husbands family to allow him to "jibe,jest,mock bully" etc etc...whatever you wish to call it.

Personally I think the man is incapable of holding a reasonable converation with anyone and has no respect for politeness....and to cover his inability to communicate effectively he sees this way a perferable option to him....his family seem to humour him along or just dismiss any protestation as "well thats what hes like......"

I dont think he'll ever change and I think that potentially we just attend the gatherings not because he's there but because of the others in the family that we genuinely want to see.

He will never change, and neither will the family - which seems to be a close one from what you have written - not your family but you do have a genuine affection for some members of it - and you don't want to cause an upset to a celebration of another couple's special day. And that's good.

I think that the majority of "close" families are like this - there is always somone who is rude/creates a drama/enjoys ill-health etc etc etc - and the rest of the family just ignore them - accepting them on their own terms - and that is how the family keeps together. I know its the case in mine!

My youngest sister is one of the biggest "drama llamas" that I know - we all know she is one and, as far as possible we ignore her dramas! A couple of years ago, I told her husband that I really wanted to tell her her fortune, but if I did so, I knew that it would destroy our relationship completely and utterly - and I'm not prepared to do that - at the end of the day she is still my sister! She's part of the family and so we put up with her!

For all those who advocate being rude back to Uncle !!!!!!!! - how many of you are in close contact with your families? Or have you made friends your alternative family????

In ages gone by, people who had a physical or mental disability were excluded by the family or would not be seen on public occasions. Now we accept these people for what they are - part of the family - it's just who they are. Are not families who accept the rude boorish members of the families (and we all know such people in real life -they all have to have families somewhere!) doing just the same?

borkid

amus wrote: »

Not really, I'm female and subscribe to the 'oh, he's just like that' line (unless something really oversteps the mark).


I consider it to be a realistic take in that we will come across certain people in all walks of life, some you like, some you don't. You just have to learn how best to deal with those you don't.

Interesting when I find people like that I walk away whereas my OH and his mates will put up with them. I feel now at my time in life I have given up too many things I wanted to do for others that I'm not prepared to waste any ofmy time with people that annoy me.

zagfles

thorsoak wrote: »

He will never change, and neither will the family - which seems to be a close one from what you have written - not your family but you do have a genuine affection for some members of it - and you don't want to cause an upset to a celebration of another couple's special day. And that's good.

I think that the majority of "close" families are like this - there is always somone who is rude/creates a drama/enjoys ill-health etc etc etc - and the rest of the family just ignore them - accepting them on their own terms - and that is how the family keeps together. I know its the case in mine!

My youngest sister is one of the biggest "drama llamas" that I know - we all know she is one and, as far as possible we ignore her dramas! A couple of years ago, I told her husband that I really wanted to tell her her fortune, but if I did so, I knew that it would destroy our relationship completely and utterly - and I'm not prepared to do that - at the end of the day she is still my sister! She's part of the family and so we put up with her!

For all those who advocate being rude back to Uncle !!!!!!!! - how many of you are in close contact with your families? Or have you made friends your alternative family????

In ages gone by, people who had a physical or mental disability were excluded by the family or would not be seen on public occasions. Now we accept these people for what they are - part of the family - it's just who they are. Are not families who accept the rude boorish members of the families (and we all know such people in real life -they all have to have families somewhere!) doing just the same?

Yes, my friend's daughter is like that - always has to be the centre of attention all the time, but rather than crack jokes about people in "uncle nobhead" style, she seeks attention in a different way, usually trying to attract sympathy.

As an example, a few days before her sister's wedding, when naturally everyone's attention was on her sister and not her, she pretended to attempt suicide!! Nearly all her family, even her own mother, now avoid her as much as possible.

missprice

borkid wrote: »

Interesting when I find people like that I walk away whereas my OH and his mates will put up with them. I feel now at my time in life I have given up too many things I wanted to do for others that I'm not prepared to waste any ofmy time with people that annoy me.

Interestingly I have been like this since I was young, about 14ish I gave up pandering to obnoxious twerps and I swear I have been happier since.
I don't meet too many uncle NH's anymore but when I do I normally use the 'do you practice being awful or is it a natural trait' line and walk away then refuse to interact anymore until they can be civil.
For op say what you feel is best but if you tell the truth it may actually help to stop him, although I reckon all the family will just say ohh its a teenager having a paddy. But at least you can try

jellyhead

LEJC wrote: »

there seems to be a general acceptance of this persons behaviour in my husbands family.

As ive said throughout the thread,he's not my blood relation and have no one on my side of the family who behaves in such a manner....hence a throwback to the title of the thread."does every family have one?...but it seems acceptable to my husbands family to allow him to "jibe,jest,mock bully" etc etc...whatever you wish to call it.

Personally I think the man is incapable of holding a reasonable converation with anyone and has no respect for politeness....and to cover his inability to communicate effectively he sees this way a perferable option to him....his family seem to humour him along or just dismiss any protestation as "well thats what hes like......"

I dont think he'll ever change and I think that potentially we just attend the gatherings not because he's there but because of the others in the family that we genuinely want to see.

Even without an uncle NH I can see why a 15 year old would be bored if he has no peers there. If there wasn't an uncle NH I'd probably expect mine to go though. My eldest is shy, so he'd hate an uncle NH directing his 'banter' at him. Luckily he doesn't have one. I think making an excuse for your son is the best solution all round

One of my uncles is a nob and a drama queen. We generally ignore it and roll our eyes, but it all depends on what the NH says and whether it's personal. My uncle NH is just a NH but not in a nasty way.

On my husband's side of the family the 'odd' uncle has some mild learning difficulty so everyone just accepts him as he is. He's never nasty though, he just stands too close, isn't funny, etc.

So yes, I think everyone has an uncle NH is the family, but the difference with Harry's is that he's been told to lay off the banter but he is ignoring your request and he persists, knowing that Harry doesn't like it. Neither of my uncle NH's would do that - yours is being unpleasant.

I don't know if I'd allow a teenager to escape from ALL family gatherings though, but for a while, until he feels better able to deal with uncle NH, I think I would in this case.

coolcait

On a complete tangent, I find it interesting to see the use of the spelling 'nob' and 'nobhead' rather than 'knob' and 'knobhead'.

Perhaps the swear filter will explain it....

In my dictionary, a 'nob' is a person of high wealth and social position - and that's not how I see the uncle in this story!

'Knob' and 'knobhead', however, have a much more vulgar meaning - but apposite in this case.

Edited to add - Nope, the swear filter is quite happy with the k