Newly Ex husband on steriods!

camNolliesMUMMY

My mum has offered and is making me go out and enjoy myself when all I can think about is him I miss the old normal him, not this evil thing that's taken over.
I don't leave till my kids are asleep so they don't know I'm going anywhere x
It's very rare I go out, before this I last went out with the girls 10 months ago, as I was so wrapped up in trying to have that perfect marriage and family.

thorsoak

camNolliesMUMMY wrote: »

Meeting men is the last thing on my mind.
Nothing wrong with me going out having fun and enjoying some attention.
You see I've always got it but because I was with him I didn't like attention because I wasn't interested in other men.
He hated seeing men chat me up or looking at me and he always said its like he's invisible.
Something he'll have to live with letting me go.
Probably another reason he got into bodybuilding because I always got the attention I danno?

No there is nothing wrong with that - but if you post statements like that on F/B, the ex could try and use it against you in any custody negotiations....not likely, I know - but you do have to show that you are putting the children first.

paulineb_2

camNolliesMUMMY wrote: »

Meeting men is the last thing on my mind.
Nothing wrong with me going out having fun and enjoying some attention.
You see I've always got it but because I was with him I didn't like attention because I wasn't interested in other men.
He hated seeing men chat me up or looking at me and he always said its like he's invisible.
Something he'll have to live with letting me go.
Probably another reason he got into bodybuilding because I always got the attention I danno?

Im not sure that you always getting attention would drive him into bodybuilding. Yes you are entitled to go out and have some fun, but you've got bigger things to think about as well.

I actually think you could consider going to speak to someone about whats happened, someone professional, because it doesnt sound like you are getting support from his family over this

Also, he might not give the support to your kids that he should be at the moment, there is no point stewing over every single phone call if he does something wrong, says something wrong, he might never be the father you want him to be but hopefully he'll sort his life out and stop using.

My main concern would be while he's still using these steroids, are the kids safe to be around him and perhaps thats the line you need to go down, he could lose a lot if he doesnt give them up

And yes, I think if its divorce you and he want, then at some point legal advice would be a good thing.

And thats the first step to moving on with your own life.

camNolliesMUMMY

Does anyone know tht if he gets the house sorted if me n the boys can live in it and he has to pay so e of the mortgage and csa? We are in a flat the boys need a garden nd tbh the mortgage is £400 a month private renting would be around £550 a mth around here

Errata

Assuming the mortgage is in his name only and the fact that you are already housed, he can sell it, live in it himself, rent it out or stop paying the mortgage and allow it to be repossessed.
CSA is calculated on his earnings and is a separate matter.

thorsoak

You really do need to talk to a solicitor.

Would you really be able to trust him to pay the mortgage?

RAS

camNolliesMUMMY wrote: »

Does anyone know tht if he gets the house sorted if me n the boys can live in it and he has to pay so e of the mortgage and csa? We are in a flat the boys need a garden nd tbh the mortgage is £400 a month private renting would be around £550 a mth around here

The financlal settlement should have been agreed as part of the divorce??

Did you lawyer not make sure that happened?

Since you were married the house is an asset of the marriage. The courts will decide the split if you cannot agree.

You are expected to work and claim benefits to cover the mortgage costs and your living costs.

He pays you 20% of his income, that is all.

Can you afford the mortgage interest, living costs, CT and living costs on your income?

camNolliesMUMMY

I know housing benefit would pay the interest?

camNolliesMUMMY

Il be seeing cab on Thursday and speaking to a solicitor

Rachel83

Depends if your names on the mortgage or not. If your on income support they will pay the interest only of the mortgage but not the capital.
With regards to moving out of the mortgaged house, if your names on it and you have the child/ren the council will see you as making yourself intentially homeless to go down that route. Pretty much leaving you to privately rent, no doubt you will have to pay a portion of the rent for that.