Newly Ex husband on steriods!

camNolliesMUMMY

Marriage breakdown -steroids he's walked out on me.
Hi everyone. I'm 27 he's just turned 26
Please be gentle with me this will be a lengthily post but I'm completely and utterly devastated

2 years ago my then fianc! of 7 years was really into weight training he was super skinny but was doing it naturally and then started taking steroids behind my back after I told him how much I disliked the idea. My father admitted he took them and beat my mother up the day before giving birth to me, I was distressed and stopped breathing three times as a result of the attack.
At the time I noticed his sex drive went through the roof but his overall attitude to life changed and because he got with me from the he of 17 and had our son when he was 19, all that he kept saying was he's not had his freedom.
We couldn't be in the same room t was that bad. I'd ask something like how his day was and he'd have a go at me.
He's not a womaniser at all but every time he's down his mother always brings this up and plants the seed? Of you didn't get the life of being out with your mates etc.
Anyway we broke up for a week and he came back saying we needed to make ago of things for our then 4 year old.
The whole thing started when he started taking and I guessed he was doing it within a week!!! It's called one rip and it contains tren which is changing his character. And was hanging round with a lad who I'd what he wanted when he wanted. He swore he wouldn't touch it again because he nearly lost everything.
So we made ago of things and things started looking up when he stopped taking, I found out a month later we were expecting our second child.
I was upset as it felt like the wrong time due to our fall out. He was bool outlay ver the moon!!
10 weeks later their was a burglary out our house and we were held in the house, me ring pregnant and our 4 year old in his bedroom alone, luckily he didn't wake up and they did not bother him.
Straight away I got onto the council to be moved because we were petrified to go back.
We ended up in a horrible flat with neighbours who banged about till god knows what time.
We were apply to expect baby two and he was so supportive whilst I was in labour and was so different to the first.
Cut the cord and everything even dressed him.
He was beaming how happy he was and we decided to get married 3 months later at a beautiful venue.
He was so excited and then 3 weeks before the wedding he turned paranoid on me. Bringing up my ex boyfriend from 10 years previous who I went out with for 2 months. How he was going to beat him up and ram his car etc!
He was so lovey dovey probably abit suffocating. But I loved him and we got married and it was an amazing day.
That was a year ago.

Since then he's left me cards saying I'm his world, buying me some shoes and surprising me with hem, buying me perfume, sending me texts, telling everyone how much he loves me and can't wait o be in the house and saving a get together to celebrate. He even bought a bottle of Moët 2 months ago for us to Have when we moved in.
3 months go we bought our first house which he was so excited about and made sure he picked me up or the appointments for the mortgage etc.

Anyhow it was his bday 3 weeks go and I did a few upsides for him because we have both been stressed with renovations etc and money.
Also 3 weeks ago he tarted going to he gym with a 21 year old lad who s womaniser has know one to answer too whatsapp ing him all he time.

On our anniversary 4 weeks ago I asked if he was back on them again he said no and then admitted he did because his sex drive has been low from last time he did a cycle two months ago for 10-12 weeks!!! And wanted to make sure he could perform on our anniversary so started taking again only giving him a break of 2 weeks only.
I noticed to ask him and I saw a difference in 2 days!!!!
Anyway, his bday meal me n the kids made a cake and it was brought out, his friends came and one asked him how's it feel to be nearly 30, he said "I thought I'd if done more with my life by now" !!!!!!!!!! She even said what you talking about? You've got a loving wife, 2boys a great job a company car you don't need to pay or and a new house and he mumbled!!?

Two weeks ago I asked how he's been feeding himself for lunch because he's not been asking anything it's him or taking money out of the bank? He said his boss had been giving him money which was confirmed well on his bday I gave him a lunch as a treat and. Find out he gave it to a cologne and h had a takeout?
Now because of the house and rent, we are struggling. Rent has only been half payed we are overdrawn but he went and also spent £150 on himself?
I said his prioritise the last couple of weeks are all wrong and its making me unhappy. Because the kids need new trainers and socks.
That's when he said well actually I'm not happy it's over!
That's ll I heard from him for two weeks and finally he said he wants to be on his own going out with his mates that he's known for 5 mins and that he leant love me anymore?
Even his colleagues at work said he'd took steroids in the toilets at work 3 weeks ago. And his boss has rang me sayin he old have sacked him.
His boss said they all know when he's using it again.
And has said he needs to sort himself out. He can't understand either that he's willing to grow it all away!
He said he was so happy up until his bday and then he stopped working hard like e normally does.
I don't get it!!! Looks like il have to wait till its out of his system but time we not have?
is this steroids talking again? And how do I cope with being a single parent now after being with him for 9 years


Yesterday things have got Worse!
He told me sun night he was coming to see the kids on Monday.
I didn't see the message till late so I text him in the morning saying I was busy and we'd already made plans.
He then sent an abrupt message well well you need to decide about the house!
I didn't respond.
An hour later a knock at the door, I answered and he'd said he'd forgotten a bag from the other day? I was miffed he came round unexpected and I was un prepared. Kids were excited to see him.
Now this bag had his jewellery receipts and boxes which were replaced from the burglary which he sold to put towards a deposit? Why would he need them? I'm thinking insurance claim?
Anyhow he followed me into the kitchen and took down the Moët and said I'm selling this I'm broke. I told him all we agreed ATM was him to take his clothes and we'd sort out the rest at another time not infront of the kids. I tried to put it back and he flipped trying to take it off me saying he bought it and he didn't want me and my lil mates drinking it? !!!!!!! I told him I'm in no state to be celebrating and to let go. He threatened if I didn't let him have it he's smash it! The kids started screaming.
Now as far as I'm aware he's taking clomid as his pct which cause behavioural problems.
Due to this episode yesterday morning. I've changed the locks and told him no direct contact for two weeks with me n the boys not even to discuss the house.
I've told him he can call the kids at bedtime and nothing more.
I told him he is not him and its like dealing with the devil. I'm do worried because I know the real person not this monster!

sassyblue

camNolliesMUMMY wrote: »

Anyhow it was his bday 3 weeks go and I did a few upsides for him because we have both been stressed with renovations etc and money.

Also 3 weeks ago he tarted going to he gym with a 21 year old lad who s womaniser has know one to answer too whatsapp ing him all he time.

What are upsides?

Some of your post is very hard to understand but the long and short of it is - If he wants to split then you'll have to go down that road, if he wants you back could you trust him anymore?

It's like he's having a mid-life crises for want of a better explanation.

marisco_2

camNolliesMUMMY wrote: »

I told him he is not him and its like dealing with the devil. I'm do worried because I know the real person not this monster!

They are one and the same. All the while you have been in this relationship your life has followed the same destructive pattern. Your husband is prioritising using steroids, and now wants to lead a single lifestyle, instead of enjoying family life with you and the children. Sorry but I don't get the impression that this is ever likely to change. More likely is that your husbands grip on reality will decline and he will get more and more volatile. It may seem very daunting right now, but you will be able to cope as a lone parent. In the long run yours and the boys lives will improve greatly, when you aren't having to cope with the extreme behaviours of your husband.

bluenoseam

Looks like it was written on a phone of some sort but I'll answer anyway.

You need to speak to someone & quickly, he's abusing a substance which is not only extremely harmful, but is also dangerous for those around him - which includes you & his children. That's not someone who should be anywhere within a hundred feet of any of you if for nothing else than your own protection.

Like it or not, the man you knew is not going to be "coming back" any time soon and even if he does, he's likely to revert back to the steroids at a moments notice. I'd go so far as to say from what you've said it's verging on a criminal matter - intimidation is not big, it's not clever & it's not legal.

fluffnutter

I'll try to be gentle. He's an arse and you're living a mess of a life that will not only screw you up but will screw up your kids too. Christ alone knows why you brought not just one, but two kids into your chaotic life. Wasn't your father's classy beating of your mother (which almost killed you whilst you were in the womb) enough to make you realise that steroids and being a decent family guy don't mix.

Get out now whilst you and your kids are still sane and well. What happens with the inevitable baby no. 3? He gives you a kicking and it almost dies? Jeez.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Bloke takes steroids.

Gets 'roid rage.


And you're asking us for what? Sympathy? Permission to tell him to stay the frack away from you? I don't know, it all sounds pretty screwed up.



Fundamentally, however, a bloke on steroids is a danger to others, as well as himself - so protect yourself and your children. And if he turns up, call the police and tell them that he's a steroid user so they know what to expect when they get there.

System

If he's an ex then sod him! Just be careful where the children are concerned.

Caroline_a

Read this

Then maybe print it out and give it to him. He's going to be some catch soon, impotent with man boobs. Lovely.

marisco_2

Judi wrote: »

Just be careful where the children are concerned.

I totally agree with this. The last time the children saw their dad they went from being excited to seeing him, to screaming due to his behaviour, in a very short amount of time. This will have caused them a great deal of upset. Not just at that moment but since then too. I expect they were very confused by what they saw and heard, worried for you and themselves in case you all got hurt and they would most likely also have had real concerns for their dad. How have they been since? Do they ask after their dad or do they seem to be bottling up their feelings? I would advise you to keep communication with them very open, because preventing trauma in kids is far easier than undoing all the damage that it causes.

Ordinarily I always advocate that it is vital that dads maintain regular access to their kids when marriages / relationships fail. Children need both their parents to be involved in their upbringing. In your case for the time being, I think you would be very wise to arrange supervised access only for the sake of the children's welfare and wellbeing.

Errata

The bottom line is that he loves steroids far more than he loves his kids or you and possibly always will. Take the hint, change the locks and ring the police if he calls on you and don't forget to tell them he's off his head on steroids.

camNolliesMUMMY

Thanks and sorry it was written on my phone.
It's unbelievable how much he's changed.
It's devastating because it feels like he's dead.
He said the only respect he has or me s that I didn't slate him all over fb!!!