This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

@Humdinger1 what a lovely post.   Looking back I think I was possibly unhappy for a long time but didn't know how to articulate that and just kept thinking things would get better "if I only xxx"  

The time i spend with the VNM is through provoking in helping me see that what i thought was "normal" probably was not at all and, given who me and the ex were we just made the best of things and I somehow always felt it was me that was the problem.  Gradually my sense of self became worn out and I did things that really were not right for me at all and that I probably would not have done if the circumstances were different.  That does not excuse my faults but I did the best I could at the time with the situation I was in.

Watty1

Breast clinic appointment done and joyous as all clear.  I decided to leave really early and have lunch at a charity cafe near the hospital.  It really was the most wonderful lunch, streaming sunshine and I sat in the garden and ate my lunch.  Cafe is a real treat as it grows as much of the produce as it can in its biodynamic garden and the place is used as a mental health rehab place where people can go for 3 month programmes to work in the cafe or gardens and have counselling and just rejoin the world again. 

The lunch for me was partly so I knew I would get to the appointment on time but also to make something good out of something I was really worried about.  I rarely visit the cafe and the gardens but it is always a joy to do so.   Lunch came in at under £10 too so a real treat and then I bought some homemade cornish pasties to take away with me and ate with the VNM later in the evening with a salad.

And the appointment, wow, what a wonderful team.  They were all so caring and so kind and reassuring.  One hard mass is actually a rib that is somehow out of place and thicker than it should be and there was a very caring "have you been in a bad car accident, a seat belt would do that"  to understanding when I said yes, and then laughter when I ruefully admitted falls off horses have broken my ribs a few times.

The other lump seems to have "vanished" and the pain is a pulled muscle which should be "rested".  Obviously that isn't going to be easy but I will try not to lift more than is strictly needed while it heals.  

I was so exhausted that i came home, gave the outcome to the VNM, we ate then I went to bed to sleep at about 8.00 leaving him, with his agreement, to bring in and feed my horses and walk my dog.  I got up this morning to a tidy kitchen and a feeling that i am cared for in a way I have not been for a very long time.  

teapot2

Great news, what a positive post in so many way, really pleased that you got the all clear.  No wonder you were exhausted after such an emotional day.  Have a gentle weekend

daisy_1571

All great news.  You might have a slump today as reaction to the tension lifting.   Lovely post xxx

carolbee

What fabulous news from breast clinic. I think you have a fabulous  VNM too

Chrystal

Wonderful news @Watty1, and it sounds as though maybe you have turned a corner and will find it easer to move on.((((hugs)))) XX

Ramouth

Watty1 said:

Breast clinic appointment done and joyous as all clear.  I decided to leave really early and have lunch at a charity cafe near the hospital.  It really was the most wonderful lunch, streaming sunshine and I sat in the garden and ate my lunch.  Cafe is a real treat as it grows as much of the produce as it can in its biodynamic garden and the place is used as a mental health rehab place where people can go for 3 month programmes to work in the cafe or gardens and have counselling and just rejoin the world again. 

The lunch for me was partly so I knew I would get to the appointment on time but also to make something good out of something I was really worried about.  I rarely visit the cafe and the gardens but it is always a joy to do so.   Lunch came in at under £10 too so a real treat and then I bought some homemade cornish pasties to take away with me and ate with the VNM later in the evening with a salad.

And the appointment, wow, what a wonderful team.  They were all so caring and so kind and reassuring.  One hard mass is actually a rib that is somehow out of place and thicker than it should be and there was a very caring "have you been in a bad car accident, a seat belt would do that"  to understanding when I said yes, and then laughter when I ruefully admitted falls off horses have broken my ribs a few times.

The other lump seems to have "vanished" and the pain is a pulled muscle which should be "rested".  Obviously that isn't going to be easy but I will try not to lift more than is strictly needed while it heals.  

I was so exhausted that i came home, gave the outcome to the VNM, we ate then I went to bed to sleep at about 8.00 leaving him, with his agreement, to bring in and feed my horses and walk my dog.  I got up this morning to a tidy kitchen and a feeling that i am cared for in a way I have not been for a very long time.  

Excellent news all round.  It is wonderful when somebody sees what you need and helps without fuss or expectations.  Sounds like VNM might be a keeper.  Great to hear that fell pony has learned some manners too!

LadyWithAPlan

Just caught up with your diary as I have been awol. 

So glad the scan is all clear! 

You are powering ever forward it seems, the moments of tears and looking back are inevitable but at least you are out the worse and every day you are healing even if it doesn’t feel like that 

Suffolk_lass

That's a great post, as much for knowing what you needed for yourself after the hospital as for receiving the all-clear. Listen to your body.

Watty1

Aww thanks for such lovely posts.  Been exhausted over the weekend.   Saturday had tickets for Saddlers Wells. That will be my last "splash out" for a while as i do need to regroup financially but girlfriend and I had a lovely time.at the afternoon performance of Alvin Ailey Classics. I was so moved by the final two performances (The Cry and The River for any of you that know his work) that on the way home i sat and read about the Black American experience of segregation.  As I get older I realise that that past is not so far far behind us.  What seemed ancient history when I was young is not really that far behind us.  Ailey would have had a grandmother who recalled slavery still being a thing and that was so humbling.

That said the ballet was incredible and uplifting.    Exhausted I had pizza and went to bed. I don't even like pizza much but it was a no effort meal.   Sunday, the crash did indeed come and I spent much of the day in bed.