This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

First visit to look at statics. Was a bit like a child in a sweet shop and loved the first few. Then got my eye in and my goodness the secondhand ones were cheap but awful. Even with a bit of painting and renovation I had serious doubts about them.  The place predominately sells to farmers for short term accommodation.    Some were like tin cans and so hot which means they will be freezing come winter despite the double glazing and central heating and most were dirty and too run down to make the lovely home I imagined. However it was a good research trip. I learnt i will get back half what I pay approx if it remains in same condition, so that made me think about upping the budget.  Also had a look at a new one and that was really thought provoking too.

I did expect to buy on visit.  I came away baffled but not buying and on reflection I have done a lot of research and have a number of places to call Monday now.  So a good day yesterday.

Watty1

And as for letting ex know via his solicitors, I am currently drafting a letter to suggest a timetable would be helpful and if I do not hear by (insert given date) I will assume ex is not going to settle "as soon as possible" despite their (and his) frequent use of this phrase and I will therefore make alternative living plans for the next 6 to 9 months. 
After all if I have just made myself a lovely new home I am not likely to want to settle or dance to his tune am I ?   This makes me happy!                                                                                                 

Watty1

Oh and in MSE news £25  won on premium bonds and £25 stuff sold on bay of E

Suffolk_lass

What about a building a bit like a cart lodge with accommodation for you over accommodation for horses and vehicles. It depends what it is made from and whether it has foundations and what sort as to whether it is a permanent building (requiring planning permission).

ManekiNeko

@Watty1 have you looked into the tiny house movement at all? I had a nose a few years back and there were quite a few options for moveable structures. Some people also do things like convert an RV or van into a home.

I haven't read all of your diary, just some at the beginning and then some since the breakup, but I do wonder re your ex whether you've had any advice from a domestic abuse agency at all? You've said he is using emotional abuse, and it's rare for one type of abuse to happen in a vacuum. More often, an abuser will start with one type, and then escalate to other types. (Ask me how I know.)

It could be worth your while trying to get some advice, particularly as he seems to be continuing to try and control you through money. For whatever it's worth, I'd do it ASAP, and certainly before you commit to living as (effectively) neighbours. Generally, you can go to a local service in person. They often have experience of supporting people through the legal process of separation, and strategising with you to get the outcome you want. You might also find you have some more options about getting him to leave if you decided to report him to the police, although I appreciate this isn't right for everyone.

Overall, it can only help to have more information from the specialists in dealing with this kind of behaviour. I'd just say that, experts or not, your gut instinct on this matters, and any decent advisor is going to follow your lead in making decisions, as you are the best judge of what's safe and sensible. Their role is just to set out your options and make suggestions based on their experience of handling similar situations.

Watty1

@ManekiNeko that was a really lovely thoughtful post.   Thank you.   Yes the local womens aid were very helpful when I first decided to leave and have been supportive since.     I think part of the issue is that my ex is mentally ill and to begin with I was very forgiving of that.  He was diagnosed with mild psychosis and I tried to understand and support that and I think that is were the emotional abuse springs from.  He does sometimes not seem to have a grip on reality at all other times he seems very calculating and I am never really sure what is  real.    Some of that is why I left.

I have no concerns about violence if I live nearby.   If you have read the part where I got arrested you will see that he feels he is the 'victim' and after the arrest I did speak with a DV police office.  He needs more evidence to convict and doing "nothing" which is the current strategy from the ex is apparently not enough of an issue.    On police advice I do have a strategy in place which might in the long run enable them to take action.  

Watty1

Drumroll the ex's solicitor has finally emailed.   The ex wants £10,000 for the farm machinery he feels is valued at £20,000

I wrote back immediately to thank them and say I would give consideration to the matters raised in due course but could they update me on the progress re property transfer.  I added a little line that discussing farm machinery was rather like re-arranging the deckchairs on the Titanic and we should concentrate on more important matters.

Sending that off made me feel very happy.  It will probably rack up a bill for him of around £600 and achieves nothing

Humdinger1

@Watty1 I thought my admiration for you could go no higher; plainly, that was before I read the update about your ex's mental health.  You wonderful woman! What you have dealt with...you will get to the good place, that is absolutely clear and certain. You have a posse of devoted admirers on here that is ever-growing.   Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

Alchemilla

Great job, Watty. KBO.

I wonder if statics are a bit like cars, most cost effective to buy at a year or two old when the newness has worn off?

Watty1

Yes, but very few come up for sale.  Plans hit a hiccup in that another planning consultant who i checked with says long term plans might be negatively affected if I am caught by council as it would be a black mark against me and the site.

So am now less keen.

And of course the clock is ticking as I have to live somewhere by end of month.  Tried talking to ex yesterday about his solicitors latest demand for more money from me and explained I don't have it.   I'm having a bit of a wobble at the moment about long term future and money etc.