This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Alchemilla

It is a masterpiece!

Watty1

Love Gavin and Stacey.   Watched the complete series a few times. 
So epic catch up!   Went to see a very small house for sale and loved it.   It had been created out of some Victorian stables and hayloft. Could totally see myself living there so put in an offer, ended up going £15,000 over the asking price but it went to a cash buyer.  The sobering reality is the most I can afford is a small one bed place and even that is hard going.  Looking at places because have decided to just walk away and wait for him to settle in his own time which he either will or he will not and I suspect he may not. I will continue to use the land to keep the horses on however.
I have now interviewed a few potential solicitors to try and force the issue and the general consensus is it will take months and be very expensive.  Am pretty much out of money for a legal fight given the above point about needed what i have left as a deposit.  
Looked at a potential place for an office that will be ready about Christmas (ah hem  it is not actually built yet) but will go back and say I'm interested in that as need to move the business away from the cottage if he is not settling.
Ex is away so using the cottage.  I have no idea where he is or when he will be back and now he has been gone for a week it is becoming a bit stressful.
The pound has fallen against the dollar and as my company buys everything in dollars I have either made a mistake in the figures for May or I am now losing money.  I suspect last month I made a loss (sigh)
Since the start of the year i have been negotiating to buy another small business and yesterday the owner refused to (a) return the £8000 I have paid and (b) hand over the business.
Given all the above I am up at 3.00 am, having had only 3 hours sleep.  I am stressed, unable to sleep and eating digestive biscuits and drinking tea.
Whatever did I do for karma to be dolling out this lot?  Completely fed up.

Humdinger1

@Watty1 karma seems to be working overtime right now but isn't currently on the case of those who warrant it...never mind, their turn will come.  If he didn't settle, would that mean you walk away with nothing? Love Humdinger xx 

Chrystal

If you walk away it puts him in a much ustronger position and you in a much weaker one... there's a reason why he hasn't moved totally into his new home, ie it would put YOU in the stronger position.  Maybe he knows if he grinds you down you'll give in?

I'm not in your shoes so it's not me going through this horrendous situation, but I hope you can find the strength to outwait him.  ((((hugs)))) XXX

Watty1

Well @Humdinger1 if i walk away yes i walk away with nothing - except - my name is on the title of both houses so although i cannot release any cash I will eventually get them when he either dies or wants to settle which he might just do one day.  @Chrystal I would be in a weaker position but he cannot sell the houses or borrow against them without my agreement and he cannot release any money either so yes i am in a weaker position  and i do sometimes think he is just trying to grind me down so i go away - but - i do have a life to live and i want to do that so I'm not really sure what next to be honest

Watty1

In business news I sat down this morning and calmly worked out why I lost so much last month and if take it over the quarter rather than by month i think it will even out...fingers crossed!  I certainly feel calmer about that.

And the £8000 has been returned with a note saying let me know when you are ready to proceed.  I am going to walk away. Today I realised I have a stress bucket that is overflowing. I don't need to put anything else in there.    In my lovely hypnotherapy sessions we talked about me having a stress bucket and that mine has past trauma sediment in the bottom - quite a lot actually - and so there is not room for much stress.   The ex obviously adds a fair bit.   This business deal is just adding too much more plus with the stress of the dollar falling and the general economic doom and gloom I cannot afford to let the bucket fill up.

So tomorrow, as it is too late now, I will carefully craft a reply to say I am not going ahead, then stand back while the fireworks explode.    I will email the lovely chap who has been helping and ask him to send me a bill for his time and then I can walk away.  Walking away might hit my business in the long run but for now I think just cutting back on anything that causes me stress is the right approach.

With that in mind I also declined to sponsor an event later this year. It might have been a good plan, but, again, I can't take the additional stress it will add to my day.

Chrystal

Great that you've made some positive decisions about removing as much stress as possible.  I didn't realise (forgot) that you're name is on things so you have some protection ( my single brain cell occasionally toes to sleep!)   Try and stay positive (((hugs))) X

Suffolk_lass

I think that that analysis of the stress bucket is spot on. The sediment swirls up and clouds the rest of the bucket if you pour other things in there too fast.

I suggest you do some more analysis of the things you are in control of, put them in a priority order and then focus on a single thing you can improve at a time.

Trying to do everything takes up a huge amount of stress. You could use a wall chart or diary to bring forward a time-slot to think about the other things where others have some or all control, one at a time and in their own window. "Has anything changed? Can I do anything to move this forward?" only do things in response to changes there and when your actions will progress it. It will free you to be more certain in other areas. x

FloppyDisk

Sorry to hear he is still dragging things out Watty - you must be exhausted.  Am I wrong in thinking you can apply to court to force a sale?  If it were me I would be moving everything back home and get settled there, you are just as entitled to use the facilities that you always have and stop spending money elsewhere - I appreciate you might not want to be around him but it may force the issue and will previous police involvement it sounded like you came out on top with that. 

Alchemilla

Sending love, Watty.