This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Humdinger1

@Watty1 I have always thought that the definition of assault is crazy.  It sets the bar way too low.  What did the police say to him? It sounds as if they have really got his measure; he was attempting to gaslight the police but only succeeded with one, who arrested you.  I'd like to hear what that one has been told once the rest of the police got involved.   Did they think it rose to attempted coercive control of you?  We are all here for you dearest @Watty1 love Humdinger xx 

Watty1

You know @Humdinger1 you are right, the assault does set the bar too low and I am sure we have all been assaulted many times using that definition.  What I consistently see time and time again is the law is the law and it has nothing to do with justice or what is right or even wrong, it just is the law.

As for attempted coercive control, yes the investigating officer agreed that both the ex and I are victims.  The ex because I was admitting assault and me because of everything that has happened.  The investigating officer was lovely spent a long time talking through the issues around coercive control and saying how difficult it was to prove and that my lawyer was right , one needs a sympathetic judge and they are rare.   He has suggested I record everything on an app from now on going forwards and agreed the ex has just been very very clever.  And I by my own admission have been very silly.  I'm not sure I will ever believe or trust something at face value again.  

I think both the ex and I have made a right mess of things.  I see how this could have all played out differently and I am culpable in that as is he.  

I have now had a letter from his lawyer. Two pages of waffle about how we can agree things and about changing the overage agreement back blah de blah.  As I no longer have a lawyer I shoved it in my in tray and I will think about what to do. My inclination is to ignore it for now although I do gain some small satisfaction from knowing it probably cost him around £200 to send me two pages of waffle. 

Alchemilla

Dear God! You are not a big, scary person if I remember correctly (realise this is a daft thing to say). Sending love.

edinburgher

What an absolute !!!!!! - so sorry to hear ex continues with his machinations Watty

Watty1

I am indeed tiny and half his weight.  Still am following police advice on keeping myself safe.

Have replied to his solicitors letter all by myself without the aid of legal advice.  This may be rash but my solicitor has achieved nothing in the last 8 months other than present me with large bills.   I simply responded that his goods and chattels list they presented me with was incomplete and therefore not fit for purpose and asked for a complete one.  At this point I do not care about a few sticks of furniture but I am outraged that he has put the horsebox on the list but not his car. He has included the horse rugs but not the contents of the barn he has already removed and so on.    I'm happy for him to take a lot of stuff because it is just that stuff.   And I can replace on bay of e or similar.   Not however happy to lose the horsebox and things I bought into the relationship which are still at the house.

I agreed I would pay half the overdraft he paid the other half.  I added a little bit about them saying they wanted to settle "as soon as possible" was imprecise and unspecific.  As soon as possible???? What on earth does that mean.  I would have thought it meant lets get a shift on and get conveyancing solicitors talking this afternoon.  But no, one week later still no movement.

Alchemilla

What's the melon going to do with a horsebox (apart from park his ego in it).

I quite like the idea that every time you reply to a stupid letter it costs him money.

Humdinger1

The man's a fool...but you already know that @Watty1.  As usual @Alchemilla is right.  Is it worth pointing that out?! Love Humdinger xx 

Suffolk_lass

I would write again, just so his solicitor charges him for reading it and asking him how he wishes to respond

edinburgher

Suffolk_lass said:

I would write again, just so his solicitor charges him for reading it and asking him how he wishes to respond

This. Lots of times 

Alchemilla

Sending love and strength, Watty.

Having once divorced a controlling person I have every sympathy.